Body Image - Self-Deprecation vs Realism

I feel I need to clarify what I experience as the difference between self-deprecation and realism when it comes to personal image. This has come up a few times recently... There are a lot of women out there that have truly wounded self-esteem. Body dysmorphia is a terrible, saddening issue. Women are constantly comparing themselves to each other, to enhanced media images, to the phantoms of their own minds. Low self-esteem amongst women is so common that shows like "The Big Bang Theory" have a joke about it in nearly every episode! (a fact that really bothers me, particularly since it is often a combination of self-esteem joking and slut-bashing, but that's another issue altogether) With our increased awareness of this issue we are ever vigilant for belittling speech and behavior. Yet in our need to fix our friends we sometimes loose sight of our capacity for realism. I'm rarely self-deprecating about my looks, but I can be realistic. Example: I make an off-hand comment that I'm not looking my best today. If I haven't showered or combed my hair, if I'm still wearing remnants of last night's make up, then its probably true that I don't "look" my best. I'm still beautiful, and I'm very aware of that. I'm still beautiful because I'm still me and true beauty is found in the core of my being, not my outside wrapping. That doesn't change the fact that that particular moment is probably not the best time for a photo op. "Beauty" and "pretty" is not the same thing here. Yet, someone is inevitably going to rush to my aid with a cheery, supportive comment, to save me from the demon of low self-esteem. I mean, I'm a girl so I must hate myself right? This assumptive attitude, while well intended, is somewhat misguided in my opinion. It is not empowering. Its like assuming because I happen to be having a glass of wine on the day I lost my job that I'm an emotional alcoholic. Let's not project problems that aren't there. So what do we do? Do we just ignore possible signs and symptoms of an issue because we don't want to offend anyone? Do we keep all our supportive feelings to ourselves? Of course not! Support each other, please, for Goddess' sake! But listen to the full message when your friend speaks. There is a speech pattern to this issue. Listen to the tones and the spirit in which something is said. I can say, "I've noticed I've put on weight" and have it mean nothing more than a statement of fact, with no emotional attachment to it. Don't assume I feel its a bad thing. Also, if your friend is truly showing signs of low self-esteem, don't make her wrong by correcting her all the time. I used to do this to my friends a lot. It seems like you're doing the right thing, but it can also shut them down when they are trying to express how they feel. Holding space for them is what's necessary. Then, when they are in a place to receive, gift the with a compliment. Or better yet, a realistic, positive fact about themselves. And remember to be the change! Don't allow yourself to fall into habits of negative comparing. Don't bond over body-bashing, whether its your own or other people's. Give props to you sister for being proud and comfortable in her skin. Let's all help each other in a more proactive and holistic way. Then maybe Hollywood writers will be forced to find something else to joke about!