I will never forget

Goodbye my sweet angels...I will never forget one single minute of your very short time here with me. I will always remember how it felt to hear your little heartbeats or feel you move for the very first time. I wish there were something I could have done to keep you safe and bring you into this world alive and hear you take your first breaths. I would give anything to have been able to hold you both and give you just one kiss before they took you away. But I know I made the right choice because if I would have held you even once, I would have never been able to let you go.It's amazing how fast an unborn child can steal a heart. I was terrified when I was told I was going to have a baby at my age. When I was told it would be twins, my heart completely stopped for a minute. I had no idea how I could make it work, but I knew I loved you both already and that I would do anything in this world to give you that fighting chance. At any cost, including my own self. It made me so sad to know that what was started in love would not remain in order to give you both what I knew you deserved...the love of two parents. I had done so wrong up until that point and was not able to do enough to mend the hurt that I caused, but I vowed to hold you both close to my heart and to always keep that love for your father in that special place that is his alone. I promised him I would love you both enough to make up for all I was unable to give to him when it became too late. It's so hard now to not think I failed again by not being able to keep that promise. It was a long hard road that I traveled with you, but I don't regret one single minute of it. To know that I carried you inside of me for those 17 weeks means so much to me. The last few weeks when it became more clear that I might not be able to go on, those were the hardest. I lay in bed so many times just daydreaming about how you both would come into this world and win over hearts right away. My sweet little boy, I named you Austin Mark in honor of your father, who is one of the greatest men I have ever known. I just knew you would have his soft brown eyes and that same piercing look. I knew you were going to be just as handsome. My precious babygirl, I named you Makenzie Grace to remind me always of the grace that he was kind enough to give me when I didn't even deserve it, to symbolize the kind of man he is inside. I knew in my heart that you would have his dark hair and brown eyes, and would be the cutest little girl ever. I could not wait to kiss both your little cheeks and breath in your sweet baby smell. I am having a hard time truly believing that you are both gone now. It seems like a bad dream and I keep waiting to wake up, but I know it's true. The day I lost him, I thought I could never possibly hurt so bad again, but I was wrong. Because the loss of my sweet angels has been so much worse. Now there will never be a chance to hold you or kiss you, or rock you to sleep. I feel as if my world has been turned upside down all over again. I know I will hold you both in my heart forever, and one day I will see you again. Until that day, my sweet babies, I will never forget.