Inner nudity

My friends really want me to stay in New York. Clothed and non-clothed friends. I love them both, and for a while(until this moment, actually), it made sense to me to stay for them. If I'm honest with myself, I'm 45% still in New York for my own reasons and deep love to the city and 55% for my friends. Problem is, I'm kinda stuck in the same place, financially and mentally for the last year and a half. It's not challenging anymore, it's not financially and career challenging. All of this comes up NOW because I'm 34 in April and for a long while I've been feeling like a walking corpse, just living life for others, "hanging on there" for something that never came and who knows when it'll come. Just living for those momentary pleasures, that don't fulfill me anymore and hoping to be saved by some external force. When you're a foreigner in a country, the opportunities are limited and everybody around you is pressuring you to make it while telling you that "making it" is almost impossible. Now, try to actually make a move while feeling paralyzed by everyone around you just predicting your failure. It's hard. I've been silent about this for a while, but I feel like I should take a stand and actually start making decisions for myself. Detaching myself from a physical location again is a challenge, but maybe it's the right thing to do(?!). This post is not nude related, but it's a different form of nudity, as we expose our bodies, we also expose our souls. So this is nude-soul related topic.