operation Recovery & Self Discovery

Well look at this, i haven't written anything like this for years so bear with me and i apologise about the spelling! So why now? why write down a blog when its pretty uncharacteristic & also why on TN? Well its something like this. Ive just had major surgery, it scared the life out of me & has made me question a few things, i find it hard to talk about stuff like this to real life friends (only a few who ive met through here & skinbook know about my naked habits) & writing it down sort of forms me in to a contract to do it (even if its just with myself!) So surgery then, i have had done what most (all?) men would hate, i have had an operation on my willy! It gets a bit gruesome for the next line or so i dont mind if you skip to the next paragraph lol, but basically my urethra had closed itself. To solve it i have had a few years where i had to insert a catheter in order to keep it open in order for me to wee, but that didnt work. So i had this operation where my penis has been cut from the 'eye' right down to the balls. Think like a sausage being cut length ways & a new wee hole has been created by my balls. A skin graft from my mouth has helped create a new urethra. It stays cut open like this for 6 months before it gets sown back together & i can wee normally again! & so far its successful! (Its safe for the squeemish now) Now i dont really consider myself as a nudist as such, i wonder around my house, have had people over for social nudity, been to Eureka in Kent & try to get to some beaches each year (may be quite nudist then lol) but my problem is confidence. Im fine with people who ive met as a nudist, been quite happy to get naked round someone ive met after only a minite, but have a bit of an embarrassment issue around friends & dont really want them to know, stupidly & weirdly ive even wimped out of taking my shirt off around some of my friends. WHY? i really have no idea. When i was younger i never took it off did & although quite cliched think it steams from some sort of ashamed body image that i had (have?) which looking back now,i was in much better shape than i am now lol! However in the last few years as ive got older & moved in with my nudist boyfriend things are changing & since my operation (it was only 3-4weeks ago) but i've got the mindset to actually not care & be proud of who i am & my broken willy! Its part of who i am, i cant ignore it, but its happened, one of those things, & im going to be stronger because of it! Although this year i have to pretty much remain clothed until im healed going forward its time to change, fresh start with more emphasis on me & less on what people think! Enjoy life & have a giggle!! I probably wont update this often, but feel free to talk to me about it! Steve