Severe Depression Overcome

I have been seriously depressed the last few years. I was 19 in college and i was about to have sex for the first time. I was a little nervous because I'm not born lucky like many people down below. So when I went to take off my clothes she looked at me and started balling out laughing at me. She was trying to get her phone to try and take a picture of me so she could send it to all her and my friends. This absolutely made me want to kill myself. Just for an outline at that time I was 5'11' 225lbs strong muscle not ripped but farmer boy strong, but I only have a 4-5 inch penis. Its got girth but not much length.Anyway Im able to write about this now 5 or 6 years later because Im so sick of what all this has done to my once "take the world" attitude. I am not 330lbs, since i have abandoned talking to women because of the embarrassment It caused, and I ate like crazy since it was the only thing I could find pleasure in. Last year I said to myself maybe I can find a place where I can show my body where I can be myself and not be judged by others. I wanted to experience what other fit guys and girls did, and tan naked on the beach. Im still over 300lbs but after I started going to Apollo beach, I feel like I get a confidence boost every-time I go. Everyone is friendly and not worrying about anybody but themselves. I still get the feeling everyone is watching me with disgust because I'm so obese. Im sorry if I'm not your taste but after having my life robbed for 5-6years I really don't care. I would like to make friends with some men and women naturist who want to play games on the each or hang out and chill and talk. I want to get that boost from friends that will return my mind to that open and not destructive mentality. Thanks for listening if you got this far. message me if you want to talk or go to the beach! NSBnaturist