There goes my life

Sometimes I wonder if my life passed me by when I wasn't looking. It hurts to think of all the little things I missed out on when my kids were young. I always had to work to support myself, and I missed alot of things that were important to them. I spent so many years trying to find love in all the losers that never cared enough to give me what I deserved. If I could do it all over again, I would change so many things. I would have spent more time making my kids feel important instead of men who really weren't important at all. If there will be one thing I can give my new little ones, it will be the gift of my time and my love. I never want them to feel I care more about making a living then about them. Funny how you have to grow up and have already wasted your youth to realize that life only comes once. It's scary to think that at age 41 I am all alone. I waited all my life to find love that would make me feel safe and cared for. It's unbelievable to me that I found and lost everything I have ever wanted in less than 6 months. I have no interest in trying again. I know I will never find it again, and I just do not have the strength to try. I am spending alot of time working on understanding the mess I have made of my life, and getting ready to make the best of the rest of it. I know that I am blessed to have 3 good kids, 2 sweet grandkids, and 2 precious gifts from God on the way. I am so thankful, because I know I did nothing to deserve any of it.