When "reluctant wives/SO" turn nudist.

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• TD

  

  Tom D

  Mar 21, 2021

  My wife doesn't want to go to a clothing optional beach or resort. Any stories of how to get someone to be willing to go?

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• NU

  

  nudonyOriginal Poster

  Mar 21, 2021

  [quote]For my wife, Di, it was through both "When in Rome" and personal rapport.[/quote] And I think this is the more "typical" path. My "evidence" might be anecdotal; but it also the result of 20-some odd years of nudism. Most (and I'm going to generalize a bit so bare with me; as I do realize there are different individual circumstances) reluctant women who try social nudity have at the very least the notion and expectation that there will be naked people at the chosen venue. They usually have some preconceived notion about how they will feel about it; but the reality of it often (and hopefully) turns out to be different - as they often expect some level of intrusiveness or obtrusiveness. When they realize nudists are most often just naked people "going about their business", a curiosity about it will develop. On our first nudist resort trip, my wife kept looking inside the pool area from our picnic table outside; as she became curious about how "all these naked people were going about (swimming, tanning, socializing) completely naked around each other, yet looking happy and relaxed." She was mystified by it. The "When in Rome" mind-switch typically takes place subsequently. Oftentimes it is motivated by the desire to "fit in." My wife didn't want to be the "only woman around totally covered-up"; so in the pool area she decided to drop the towel she was wrapping herself with when she realized none of the other women were covering up. Her desire to fit in eclipsed her reluctance being seen naked. Likewise, a good friend of mine shared that she was staying (dressed) in a bungalow at a resort; and when she saw that everyone outside her bungalow was nude, she felt compelled to just get naked too before going for a walk. Personal rapport might not happen for non-social nudists; but it is a common factor and works very well in conjunction with the "When in Rome" mindset. My first wife was befriended by Cheri and Ali from Travelites; and their example and friendship was instrumental in getting my wife comfortable with social nudity. My wife had been nude at the resort but not socially. Being around these women - who were totally comfortable interacting with her nude - motivated my wife to drop her sarong and be naked with them; and later everyone else. The same wife once befriended a "reluctant and scared" wife; who would later decide to get naked to hang out with her. Once the "When in Rome" switch happens; well it lasting is about time, repetition and opportunity. A lot of women "switch back" if nudism is not continuously practiced. For my wife it's no longer "When in Rome" but rather "I'm a Roman." Because she knows she's going to be naked and is confident about it, she no longer needs any kind of "motivation" to get naked. Anyway that's my personal "anecdotal evidence"; and it'll be interesting to see if other differ/agree.

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• PA

  

  Paul

  Mar 22, 2021

  [quote]My wife doesn't want to go to a clothing optional beach or resort. Any stories of how to get someone to be willing to go?[/quote]I know I keep recommending the same thing, but it really is a good resource. [url][link]/link/7c069c1b44e7971f/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuYW1hem9uLmNvbS9UaGF0LUZhbW91cy1GaWctTGVhZi1VbmNvdmVyaW5nL2RwLzE1MzI2NTk4NjUv[/link]That Famous Fig Leaf[/url]. Buy it, read it yourself, and either give it to her to read or just leave it out where she can find it.

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• NU

  

  nudonyOriginal Poster

  Mar 22, 2021

  "Personality types" often do play a part in social nudist development. My wife is an extrovert "chatterbox" type. She will start a conversation with pretty much anyone anywhere. So her "When in Rome" moment and close nudist interaction happened pretty much simultaneously. Like the moment she dropped her towel in the pool area, she started a conversation with the couple sitting next to us. Which in turn increased her confidence being naked around people rather rapidly. An introvert/shy type might find nudist interaction more challenging; and not necessarily because of the nudityper se. I don't think personality types will have a substantial effect on embracing nudism. It might just make it a bit slower.

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• ME

  Member

  Mar 23, 2021

  Even though my Luann or possibly your own wife is your enigma if they take a minute to slide into things so be it. It does not mean for someone like me who is wired to figure out and understand everything. That's always has been a real help to edge me beyond my competitors in my job but not necessarily an asset in personal life. I'm always self coaching myself to shut my pie hole at home.
  
  I could go on and on what makes me think what the heck ? We just went through this when she hosted a home get together a week ago when friends came in and suddenly she puts clothes to greet them only to take them off shortly after. They have only seen her naked 1000 times already? Things need to make sense to me and sometimes I can not stop asking myself ehhh?

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• SI

  

  silversurfer

  Mar 25, 2021

  We just bought a little vintage camper and took it to Cypress Cove. My wife who is not a nudist had a few days off between jobs and decided to she would join me for a coupe of days. She did not go nude but saw how much I really enjoyed being there and how at ease I was . She has no intention of going nude but will join me from time time to time. It also helps that my son lives in Orlando 45 minutes away from there so she can always visit him.

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• SI

  

  silversurfer

  Mar 25, 2021

  I was at Cypress Cove Nudist Resort a few years ago and a guy had brought his new girlfriend (who was not a nudist) with out telling her about the nudism. They arrived late at night so she didn't see anyone nude. The next day she was really in shock and she ended up leaving and flying home. Not the way to go about it.

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• ME

  Member

  Mar 26, 2021

  I haven't heard of the surprise approach to nudism very successful. The ride home must be an epic earful.

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• TD

  

  Tom D

  Mar 26, 2021

  We stayed at a small guest house once. We didn't know until we got there that the hot tub and one section of the deck was clothing optional. Didn't bother me but my wife was not happy.

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• NU

  

  nudonyOriginal Poster

  Mar 26, 2021

  I've seen this happen only once; when I was a member of Travelites with my first wife. A couple arrived; and it quickly became obvious - from the wife's reaction when entering the backyard where everyone was nude - that the husband had not been entirely transparent as to where he was actually taking her.
  
  I guess the idea for those guys is that rather than "do the work", they're just going to gamble on the "When in Rome effect" taking place; figuring that once their spouse realizes where she's at, she'll eventually accept the situation - and possibly even want to "fit in" and thus participate. But it's actually a form of entrapment; and very ill-advised.
  
  The situation with the couple at Travelites wasn't a complete fiasco though, primarily due to my wife who read the situation immediately. Andy mentioned "personal rapport" as a factor for women embracing social nudity; and in this case my wife provided the personal rapport by deciding to approach the "distressed" wife and extend her friendship. Because the woman was able to share her feelings and distress, and my wife able to reassure her: she started relaxing, having fun socializing with my wife, and becoming more comfortable with the nudity. And eventually the idea of joining my wife in nude socialization. But although she did end up going nude with my wife, I don't think it had been quite enough to undo the damage cause by her husband's breach of trust. Before they left she said something along the lines of "I hope you're happy now: I got naked..." Which clearly indicated underlying resentment. We never saw them again.
  
  The "sad" thing: if the husband had told his wife where they were going and what to expect, she still would have met my wife and ended up going nude. So it was a completely wasted opportunity for them to become a nudist couple.

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• TD

  

  Tom D

  Mar 27, 2021

  One that went well, with genders reversed.
  One time when I was at Gunnison, I came back from a walk and saw that a 30 something couple had set up near me. She was nude and he was wearing board shorts. They were having trouble blowing up a flotation device so I offered to help. While I was helping they revealed that she had asked him if he wanted to go to the beach and he said yes, but she had not told him it was a clothing optional beach. They were not married or living together but were vague as to whether they were steady couple or just friends. Before long, he dropped the shorts and seemed to have a good time, but for some reason he pulled the shorts back on and took them off again later.

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• ME

  Member

  Mar 29, 2021

  [quote]At least you know you're not alone or have the only nudist wife that does things that have you scratching your head over and over again! ;DDD[/quote] I will say I will have to live with my ever thinning hair. Andy odd thing is she loses one hair two more grows back and she sheds like my dog. Some things just don't compute with me. Foot long blond hair in the bed every morning I'm debating to keep a shop Vac bedside now.

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• CA

  

  Calidablue

  Mar 29, 2021

  My late wife loved that I was comfortable to go nude at the beach and encouraged it. She briefly tried for herself but it wasnt for her.
  Later gf also loved I went nude and nervously tried and loved it! We are still friends and still go to a nude beach together.

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• 85

  

  85springer

  Mar 31, 2021

  Nudonny's story brought to mind the first time my girlfriend, now wife, went to Elysium with me. We each went to the gender specific changing rooms after she had been assured nudity was her option.
  I got to the pool first and wondered what would happen. She came out carrying her towel and jumped into the pool near me. After some splashing and giggling, she explained that the best way to not attract little attention was to be part of the crowd. She seemed comfortable and we enjoyed what we came to call ]The Sunset Cruise." We watched the sun go down from the jacuzzi. She was and avid nudist for over 30 years. Age and illness dampened her enthusiasm. I don't care that she doesn't look 34 any more. I still react and remember 34, regardless of what my eyes see. That day was nearly 3 decades ago.

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• NU

  

  nudonyOriginal Poster

  Mar 31, 2021

  [quote]I could go on and on what makes me think what the heck ? We just went through this when she hosted a home get together a week ago when friends came in and suddenly she puts clothes to greet them only to take them off shortly after. They have only seen her naked 1000 times already? Things need to make sense to me and sometimes I can not stop asking myself ehhh?[/quote] What I've found to often be true is that for women who were raised in a conservative/traditional manner: ingrained/learned modesty or decorum values will sometimes "kick in", even involuntarily or unconsciously. No matter how experienced they are in social nudism. As often discussed, you see it most frequently with "posture etiquette." Which stems from the idea that a "proper lady should not sit in a revealing way." That is traditionally learned in childhood due to the wearing of skirts; and some women "default" to this even in a nudist setting where it is actually quite impractical - or even antithetic to the idea of body-acceptance. With Luann, and I'm totally guessing here, it might be that she was always taught to be "properly attired" when greeting guests. Notwithstanding the fact that she will eventually be nude around them anyway. When traditional upbringing meets nudism, that can lead to some head scratching moments, as some of these values are irrelevant to social nudism. My wife, for example, was always taught to be "properly attired for meals." So the first time we had a nude meal at a nudist venue, she totally clamed up , crossed her legs and her arms to eat; even though she had just been naked all day around all the other guests. Her upbringing had "kicked in." She still has "issues" eating nude to this day. Go figure...

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• ME

  Member

  Apr 1, 2021

  Nudony you are spot on. Luann was raised by very conservative parents and to this day it's ingrained to an exstint down to the way she sits or bends over. I've said it many times if there is ever a such thing as a shy nudist it's my Luann. I am blessed that she is a nudist make no mistake. She rocks even when wearing clothes and on a daily when she comes in from the office I always think wow!

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• BO

  

  Bob

  Apr 2, 2021

  Our first time started off slowly.
  It was not long after we arrived in Australia as migrants that we visited the Gold Coast and went to Surfers Paradise beach.
  The were a number of females topless so I encouraged my wife to take her top off.
  She was reluctant at first but I managed to talk her into it, she decided she liked the warm sea breeze on her bare skin and told me she wondered what it would be like naked.
  As it was illegal in those days to be nude on any Queensland beach a friend of ours told us about a beach that was frequented by nudists, we went with him one day midweek and found a nice sheltered spot in the sandhills of Southport spit.
  Our friend and myself stripped off but my wife was reluctant at first then saw a couple of women walking into the sea naked and decided she just had to try that.
  Since then we have enjoyed nudism both here in Australia and abroad wherever we find a clothes optional beach.

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• ME

  Member

  Apr 8, 2021

  We'd skinny dipped in high school and later would get naked on a secluded beach, but she didn't go for social nudism. She said she didn't want to talk to people when she was naked, but would lay in the sun, nude, all day on a crowded beach. She likes our pool nude, but only with us. She won't go to any of the nude venues here in AZ, but is ok with any nude resort/beach in the Caribbean or Mexico. Go figure, I just don't get it. I'm with you guys, sometimes you just go with the flow. After a most 50 yrs of marriage, you'd a thunk I'd have her figured out. Ain't a gonna happen.

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• KA

  

  Kayla

  Apr 19, 2021

  I lost my page this might be a repost. But anyway my ex and I both discussed this topic briefly three maybe four times or less. I was always hoping that it would go beyond the discussion phase and that we would both grab a hold of the idea and run with it. Not just because I was tired of doing laundry, laughing out loud but, I feel his husband and wife at that time we both could have jumped on board with this or 1,000% it never happened. To this day I still don't understand why. Because I like my profile states we came into the world naked or leave the world naked, what's there to hide?. Is it because bodies are no longer perfect Hollywood bodies, or ... Now, I am all about no clothes / no laundry / save the water.

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• BA

  BandR82

  Apr 20, 2021

  My wife has been on a long journey with nudism and despite the photos on our profile, still doesnt fully embrace it.

  Our first time was when I planned to go to a nudist beach i knew in Tenerife, I informed her on the way hoping shed be cool with it. Bad move... She arrived and while I stripped off she found herself frozen and despite giving it a go while her underwear dried from a trip to the sea, she clearly wasnt somebody who would take instantly to stripping off.

  Since that initial day, Ive become more open about nudism and what it means to me and shes more and more accepting of that. Weve been on holidays to Costa Natura, Valalta, Vritomartis and many nude beaches in between. Holidays now are split, one week clothed, the other not. The way she puts it is that she likes her fashion too much to give it up. Id also say that it doesnt help that the nudist hotels and resorts are often older crowds and we like to have a drink and a late night.

  Fast forward to today, shes said, if you want to meet nudist friends, go ahead and do it, Ill be happy to join you. Hence why weve set up this profile. Weve also found the odd occasion where weve had friends over, weve ended up stripping off and in the tub, but on returning to the house, the clothes go back on while I sometimes judge the mood and spend the rest of the evening naked (if the guests clearly dont mind).

  What Id love is that she takes that carefree holiday naked attitude, the one where shell wander about naked all day, and just embraces it. Id love to get her to join me more frequently in the house or with friends, make it seem normal as a thing we do rather than I do, and hopefully get our friends to give it a go.

  Anybody else had this journey?

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• TD

  

  Tom D

  Apr 20, 2021

  Opposite for me. My wife will occasionally but rarely be nude with me in the house or pool, but will not even consider going to a public place that is clothing optional, even if she were to stay dressed. She won't even intentionally go to a place where women can be topless!

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• TA

  

  TangentMindz

  Apr 21, 2021

  I have often thought that if I could at least ONCE get my wife to swim naked she would love it. Decades back, with this in mind, I scouted out the perfect lake where we could skinny dip while having a clear view of the approach to know for certain if anyone were coming towards us with risk of being seen. I thought I had the perfect opportunity for her to experience it and feel confident she would not be seen. She reluctantly agreed to go with me and we planned the trip. That day we got in the car and I began the 25-minute drive to the lake. During the drive I could tell she was getting nervous. She became so fidgety that I finally turned the car around and took us back home. Such a disappointment, having been so sure she would enjoy it if she at least tried, and that I had found the risk-free place for her to give it a try. What truly boggles my mind is that she generally wraps a towel around her when she comes out of the shower... when she and I are the only ones home. Go figure.

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• NU

  nudie_iq7721

  May 2, 2021

  my wife and I started going to hot springs when we were first married, most of them were C/O.she would go naked at night but not in the daytime,I would go naked to all of them.Even early in the morning she would wear a suit.Towards the end of the first summer we went to a new hot spring that had two big pools and a sundeck between them .It also had benches to sit down at and in the water.We got up there in the early afternoon and there was 2 women soaking with no clothes on.My wife decided to join them and we all stayed naked for the rest of the day. She hasn't wore a suit since, we have found several spots on the river to go skinny-dipping and just hang out naked. She only regrets she didn't start sooner.

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• ME

  Member

  May 23, 2021

  In response to post #29; I am nude pretty much 100% of the time. My wife is nude frequently in the motorhome but generally wears a coverup around the resort. We visited a small nudist retreat where she had planned on some nude time but fresh paint fumes in the cabins made us cancel after arrival. I am thankful she attends all the resorts with me & Ill wait patiently for her clothes free experience.

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