Grandpa and his very young grandson were walking in the park when they happened upon 2 dogs breeding.
The grandson asks his grandpa what the two dogs are doing
Grandpa, quick to think on his feet, tells his grandson the the dog on top has sore front legs, and the one on the bottom is helping him home.
The grandson says "you know, those to dogs are a great reflection of society and how life is."
Grandpa looks at his grandson curiously and asks what he means by that.
The Grandson simply replies, " you try to help someone out and they do you from behind.
Replies
- MEMemberNov 2, 2010
Here is a lesson from this Grandpa!
My wife said that I never listen to her.....or, at least, I think that is what she said...........ReactReply - T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyNov 2, 2010A lesson from Grandpa!
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see whyReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyNov 7, 2010
One thing I didn't want to be when I grew up was wrinkled.
ReactReply - MEMemberNov 16, 2010
Two young men were sitting down for a break in their new soon-to-be new store in the Shopping Mall.
As yet, the store was not ready with only a few sheves and display racks set up.
One says to the other, "I'll bet any minute, some old Senior citizen is gonna walk by and ask what we are selling."
Sure enouh, a few minutes later, a curious Senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling assholes!"
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well, only two left!"ReactReply - MEMemberNov 17, 2010
The most inexpensive, most creative, most enduring toy of all is a GrandParent!
ReactReply - NU
NutsyUkNov 17, 2010LOL fantastic joke :D
ReactReply - MEMemberNov 18, 2010[quote][quote]Two young men were sitting down for a break in their new soon-to-be new store in the Shopping Mall. As yet, the store was not ready with only a few sheves and display racks set up. One says to the other, "I'll bet any minute, some old Senior citizen is gonna walk by and ask what we are selling." Sure enouh, a few minutes later, a curious Senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling assholes!" Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well, only two left!" [/quote] This is a good one.[/quote] Thanks to all who liked this one! It is probably an answer I would have come up with myself!ReactReply
- MEMemberNov 18, 2010
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.'
ReactReply - MEMemberJan 12, 2012Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend..'
Second guy: That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool.'
Third guy: Man , you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.'
They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him, “You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?†Fourth guy: I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, Gave the wife a slap on her butt and said: 'Fishing or Sex?' And she said:…………….. 'Wear sun-block.'ReactReply - MEMemberJan 30, 2012
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 20, 2012# 12
A 90-year old man said to his doctor, Ive never felt better
I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?
The doctor replied, I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season.
One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella instead of his gun by mistake.
When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver.
He raised his umbrella and went bang, bang, bang, and the beaver fell dead.
What do you think of that?
The 90-year old said, I'd say somebody else shot the beaver.
The doctor said, My point exactly.ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowFeb 20, 2012[quote]One thing I didn't want to be when I grew up was wrinkled.[/quote]
Why not ? You had them at birth.
#13ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 25, 2012# 14
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique
recommended in all the latest psychological texts.
The funny thing is that it works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
8. See. You're smiling already.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 25, 2012[quote]The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
8. See. You're smiling already.[/quote]
Huh ; It's going to take more than that to raise a smile on my face tonight.
#15ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 25, 2012[quote][quote]The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
8. See. You're smiling already.[/quote]
Huh ; It's going to take more than that to raise a smile on my face tonight.
#15[/quote]# 16
Squeeze harderReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 25, 2012#17
Keep trying.ReactReply