Military Jokes

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  ManOfWicklow

  Oct 20, 2015

  It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
  
  A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
  
  The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
  
  Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
  
  The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
  
  The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
  
  The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
  
  The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"
  
  The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."
  
  The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Oct 21, 2015

  A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying,
  "I regret that I cannot remember which one you are. Please keep your photo and return the others."
  
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Oct 22, 2015

  An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.
  The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
  Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.
  The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.
  Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
  "We just shut down two engines."
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Oct 23, 2015

  The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
  For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building".
  The Army will post guards around the place.
  The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
  The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters
  The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
  
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Oct 23, 2015

  The Iraqi verions of the classic army regulations can be summarized as:
  
  If it doesn't move, hide behind it.
  
  If it does move, surrender to it.
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Oct 24, 2015

  During the Vietnam War, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle.
  "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"
  The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jan 26, 2016

  The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier,
  "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."
  "Thank you very much, sir."
  
  

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