Old Farts

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  Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

  Oct 23, 2011

  I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least, kind of tired.
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

  Oct 24, 2011

  Old Penis Poem
  
  My nookie days are over
  My pilot light is out
  What used to be my sex appeal
  Is now my water spout.
  
  Time was when, on its own accord
  From my trousers it would spring
  But now I've got a full-time job
  To find the blasted thing.
  
  It used to be embarrassing
  The way it would behave
  For every single morning
  It would stand and watch me shave.
  
  Now as old age approaches
  It sure gives me the blues
  To see it hang its little head
  And watch me tie my shoes.
  

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• T=

  

  Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

  Nov 18, 2011

  You know you are getting older when "Happy Hour" is a nap.
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Nov 19, 2011

  A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
  
  (32)

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• T=

  

  Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

  Nov 19, 2011

  By the time most men learn to behave themselves, they are too old to do anything else
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Nov 20, 2011

  (36)
  
  Being an old fart really means, you're eating too many ( out of date ) baked beans.

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• ME

  Member

  Jan 6, 2012

  I remember, many years ago how I hated it when I was about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror. Of course, I am less conceited now that I am an old fart...lol!

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 24, 2012

  [img src="http://www.modelboatmayhem.co.uk/Common/Images_Jokes/OLD%20AGE.jpg">

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• T=

  

  Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

  Jun 11, 2012

  * A. A. A. D. D. - Classic Retirement Syndrome
  
  Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D.
  
  Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
  This is how it manifests itself:
  I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over  at my car and decide my car needs washing.
  As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
  I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
  I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the rubbish bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.
  But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my chequebook off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my
  desk where I find the can of coke that I had been drinking.
  I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.  As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter
  catches my eye: they need to be watered.
  I place the coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
  I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put
  it back in the lounge where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
  At the end of the day:
  * The car isn't washed
  * The bills aren't paid
  * There is a warm can of coke sitting on the work surface
  * The flowers don't have enough water
  * There is still only one cheque in my chequebook
  * I can't find the remote
  * I can't find my glasses and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
  Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled
  because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realise this is
  a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
  PS. I just remembered, I left the water running .................
  
  
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 11, 2012

  There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.
  
  Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.
  
  "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.
  
  After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.
  
  While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.
  
  Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.
  
  "You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

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• NU

  nudecountry77

  Jan 10, 2013

  [quote]"Sent by a friend had to share with others!
  
  
  
  Even if you aren't one, I think you'll enjoy this.
  
  I  never really liked the
  
  terminology "Old Farts", but
  
  this makes me feel better about it.
  
  (And if
  
  you ain't one, I bet ya you know one!)
  
  I got this from an "Old Fart"
  
  friend;
  
  OLD FART PRIDE
  
  I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the
  
  only
  
  old fart receiving it.  Actually, it's not a bad thing to be
  
  called,
  
  as you will see.
  
  ● Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting
  
  events;
  
  during the playing of the National Anthem, Old Farts
  
  remove their
  
  caps and stand at attention  They sing
  
  without embarrassment.  They know the
  
  words and
  
  believe in them.
  
  ● Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl
  
  Harbor,
  
  Guadalcanal , Normandy, and Hitler. They remember
  
  the Atomic Age,
  
  the Korean War, The Cold War, the
  
  Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They
  
  remember the 50 plus
  
  Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to
  
  mention  Vietnam .
  
  ● If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk, he
  
  will
  
  apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he
  
  will likely
  
  nod, or tip his cap to a lady.  Old Farts trust
  
  strangers, and are courtly
  
  to women.
  
  ● Old Farts hold the door for the  next person and
  
  always, when
  
  walking, make certain the lady is on the
  
  on the inside for protection.
  
  ●
  
  Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of
  
  women and children
  
  and they don' t like any filth or dirty
  
  language on TV or in movies.
  
  ● Old
  
  Farts have moral courage and personal integrity.
  
  They seldom brag unless it's
  
  about their children or grandchildren.
  
  ● It's the Old Farts who know our
  
  great country is protected, not by
  
  politicians, but by the young men and
  
  women in the military serving their
  
  country.
  
  This country needs Old
  
  Farts with their work ethic, sense
  
  of responsibility, pride in their country
  
  and decent values.
  
  We need them now more than ever.
  
  Thank God for
  
  Old Farts!
  
  Pass this on to all the "Old Farts" you know.
  
  I was
  
  taught to respect my eldersÂ….It's just
  
  getting harder to find
  
  them.
  
  God Bless America!!/span[/quote]OLD FARTS ROCK!!!  they maybe be slowing down, but they say or come up the best things ever!!!
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Jan 11, 2013

  Ramblings of a Retired Mind
  
  [img style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px solid; BORDER-LEFT: 0px solid; WIDTH: 225px; HEIGHT: 343px; BORDER-TOP: 0px solid; BORDER-RIGHT: 0px solid" id=ecx_x005f_x0000_i1026 alt=1CC03A7DCEDD44C9A079F5A840D6AD22@MarieD src="http://www.springville72.com/000/2/8/3/12382/userfiles/image/Grandpa_and_dog.jpg" apple-height="yes" apple-width="yes">
  I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
  
  I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
  
  
  I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
  
  You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
  
  I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
  
  I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
  
  I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
  
  I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
  
  When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
  
  Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
  
  Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
  
  I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.
  
  As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
  
  Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life,
  
  Because Life is a journey to be savored.

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Mar 29, 2013

  An ode to old age
  
  
  
  There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
  And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
  My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
  The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
  
  I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
  My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
  When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
  But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
  
  Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
  I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
  If my names not there, I'll once again start -
  Perfecting the art of falling apart
  

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• T=

  

  Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

  Apr 3, 2013

  Did you ever notice the best memories come frombad ideas?
  
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 4, 2013

  Some of the best memories come from the worst hangovers.

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• T=

  

  Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

  Apr 4, 2013

  Some the worst hangovers come from the best ideas.
  
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 5, 2013

  Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that an ironic time for a man to get those odds?

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 5, 2013

  Old is when…going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 10, 2013

  'OLD' IS WHEN..... your wife says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one, I can't do both!'

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