Maybe Were Not Ready to Say Goodbye Yet !!!

You know, sometimes, I genuinely feel like our breastfeeding journey is over. Two twin toddlers, their tantrums, all the chaos... and one completely exhausted mumma who sometimes feels like she has absolutely nothing left in her. And then, suddenly, I feel this weird heaviness inside me that I can't really explain. I start feeling the mom guilt and thinking... is it really time? Are they ready? Are we ready? Am I ready? Because honestly, I don't know. -------------------------------------------------------------------- And then there are moments when one of them comes and cuddles into me, or reaches for me, or wants to nurse just to feel close to me... and I completely forget why I thought I needed to end it. We've actually tried to wean in between. We thought maybe it was time. We tried. But somehow, we kept coming back to breastfeeding. And maybe that's because neither of us was really ready to let go. Or maybe I'm the one who isn't ready. I don't really understand. All I know is that, I don't want to force an ending just because someone said we're "supposed" to be done by now. Or was I trying to convince myself that it was time because everyone else thought it should be stopped? Just stupid rules made by someone. -------------------------------------------------------------------- 1st year exclusive breastfeeding, It was just me and my babies all the time. For all these times, my body has been your home. I pushed through the tears, pain, cracked nipples, latching issues but kept nursing them. bcoz that hardships didn't matter to me as nurturing them was my ultimate promise to little ones. Every drop, every midnight comfort, every bit of nourishment came directly from me for them. If someone had told me during those early weeks that we would continue this journey so long, Im not sure I would have believed anyone. -------------------------------------------------------------------- I wud say - My body has nourished them, but their little soul has transformed me. There were so many times I wondered how I was going to continue. There were nights when I was exhausted and thought, "I don't think I can do another feed." But somehow, I did. And then one feed became another. One month became another. And suddenly, here we are. Still breastfeeding. With two toddlers. Sometimes I honestly can't believe it. Because breastfeeding was never just about feeding them It became their comfort. Their way of settling down. Their little "I need Mumma" moment. Sometimes they aren't even really hungry. They just want to be close. And I think that's the part that's hardest for me to let go of. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Those tiny hands. Those tiny mouths. The way they come looking for me when they're tired. The way they still know that Mumma is their safe place. My heart still remembers The first latch. Those tiny gulps. The soft little sounds you made while suckling. The way your tiny hand rested on my breasts. The way you kept on fiddling other nipple while you were suckling milk from one. Sometimes even giving me little bites The warmth of holding you so close, knowing I was your home, your nourishment, your whole world. Nothing in this world could ever replace those moments. and I still keep on cherishing each and every such moment of our breastfeeding journey together. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Whenver, I have tried to wean off, instead of pulling away, you both kept reaching for me. You wrapped your tiny arms around my neck. You searched for comfort in my embrace. You reminded me that breastfeeding was never just about milk. It was about safety - Connection - Love - being each other's home. -------------------------------------------------------------------- And somewhere in those quiet cuddles, I realized something - Maybe neither of us was truly ready to let go. So we didn't. We simply continued the journey. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Today, we're still breastfeeding. Maybe not as often as earlier Maybe not because they are hungry every time. But because sometimes they just need their Mama. And to be honest, sometimes... Mama needs those sweet moments too. -------------------------------------------------------------------- During all these phases, I've learned one thing for sure, there isn't a perfect age to stop. There isn't a finish line we have to race toward. There is only our journey. And when the day finally comes that our last feed happens, I hope it won't be because of pressure of society, guilt feeling, or expectations set by others. I hope it will simply happen because we're all ready. Until then, I'll keep soaking in the sleepy cuddles, the tiny hands resting on my breasts, the little content sighs, and the moments that have become the rhythm of our life. I know this won't last forever. One day there really will be a last feed. One day my arms won't be the place you both instinctively run to. One day these moments will become memories. But today... Today, I still get to be your comfort. Your safe place. Your home. And I will never take that for granted. -------------------------------------------------------------------- To my sweet little twins Thank you for the hardest, most beautiful, and most rewarding journey of my life. My body fed you, but somehow, you both filled a part of my soul I never knew was empty. Thank you for teaching me patience, unconditional love, and the incredible power of a mother's body. I am still here for: Every feed for you. Every time you cuddle with me. Every sleepy smile. Every time your little hand reaching for me. Every time your little mouth latching on me. Breastfed, still breastfeeding, and proudly cherishing every moment of the journey. -------------------------------------------------------------------- And i m happy I am continuing it without any shame or guilt. I don't know if that's something people talk about enough. Everyone talks about when the baby needs to stop breastfeeding. But what about are they ready? Is the mother ready? What if, somewhere inside me, I'm not ready to say, "That's it. We're done"? So for now, we're not. We're just taking it one feed at a time. Maybe one day they'll stop asking. Maybe one day I'll realize that the last feed has already happened. And when that day comes, I'll probably cry. Cry a lot. Bcoz i wud miss these sweet moments. But I don't want to rush toward it. I want to enjoy what we still have. Because I know these little moments won't stay forever. One day, these toddlers who currently climb all over me will be grown. One day, they won't reach for me in the middle of the night. One day, they won't need this kind of comfort from me. Yes... we've tried to wean. We've thought about stopping. We've even felt like we were done. But somehow, we're still here. Still nursing. Still cuddling. Still finding our little moments together. And right now, I'm okay with that. Maybe breastfeeding isn't something we need to "finish." Maybe we can just let it end whenever it naturally ends. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Until then.. I'll keep being their Mumma. Their midnight comfort. Their safe place. Their warm hug after a long day. Their safe corner in a very big world. Their familiar heartbeat. The person they still want to cuddle into for no reason at all. Basically... their Mumma for everything. And honestly, I don't mind one bit. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Lastly, I cannot forget one thing. Support of my family. I couldn't have been able to bring them to the world without their help during those bad times. After that also, couldn't have survived the exhausting phases of postpartum. Your love carried me on the days I thought I couldn't keep going. My love my husband you had always been my backbone, my strength. If that wasn't enough, I also got so much love from my mom, dad, (yes…