NU
nudonyOriginal Poster
Dec 26, 2022A few days ago my wife reiterated something that many of us husbands already knew or themselves have heard: "if we ever separated/divorced, I'd never go to a nudist resort ever again."
That didn't hurt my feeling at all; but it did lead to a few thoughts.
Fairly early on, as I ventured into social nudism, I became aware of "single male stigma"; as many nudist men do. It seemed that in order to be "truly" accepted in an environment mostly populated by couples, I myself needed to be "coupled." Which put me in a position of having to "convince a wife." Some men will have some measure of success in accomplishing this; while many will not.
This dynamic of wives being/feeling cast as an "admission ticket" into social nudism is not always a very healthy one IMHO. It can cause "pressure" - on both sides - that can lead to frustration and/or resentment. Especially when communication about it is not 100% constructive. When it isn't, the wife might interpret it as "my husband just wants people to see me naked."
Even when an agreement is reached, the degree to which she agrees to participate might vary - depending on her comfort level; and it can lead to an interpersonal dynamic where the wife has a much greater degree of leverage - insofar as to the "where, when and how often" she participates. I remember discussing continuing nudism after my wife's first time; and her response being: "once a year - clothing-optional." I was so put off by the limitation that I considered just quitting. It felt like she was purposefully being difficult and was pulling a "power move." That can also be challenging to the relationship.
Some husbands will learn to live with a dynamic of "the wife calling the shots" because "it's still better than being a single nudist male"; and I can understand that. But...a "I'm only here because of my husband" stance can lead to a "dysfunction." I've seen covered wives spend the entire day by the RV/Camper on their phones while the husband socialized naked in the pool area. Some will say: "well that works for us" or "that's the only way she'll agree to go." But my question would be: "Is it a happy time? Are you two feeling connected there?"
To get back to my wife; she is vocal about going to the resort "because of her husband." And she did start out feeling that she was my "admission ticket" (sometimes even still feels that way). But along the way we continuously negotiated and revisited her comfort levels; and she found/admitted that she really enjoyed soaking/swimming and tanning naked. Socializing naked is still something she has "fluctuating levels of comfort" with; but she does stay naked and expresses confidence with it. But in situations where the wife participates but expresses an aversion to "open nudity", creating strict boundaries around it; or feels like the only reason she's there is so the husband can have his "naked social time" - well it doesn't always seem like a "healthy dynamic." I think maybe some more communication and "recalibrating" should occur.
Just a thought...
That didn't hurt my feeling at all; but it did lead to a few thoughts.
Fairly early on, as I ventured into social nudism, I became aware of "single male stigma"; as many nudist men do. It seemed that in order to be "truly" accepted in an environment mostly populated by couples, I myself needed to be "coupled." Which put me in a position of having to "convince a wife." Some men will have some measure of success in accomplishing this; while many will not.
This dynamic of wives being/feeling cast as an "admission ticket" into social nudism is not always a very healthy one IMHO. It can cause "pressure" - on both sides - that can lead to frustration and/or resentment. Especially when communication about it is not 100% constructive. When it isn't, the wife might interpret it as "my husband just wants people to see me naked."
Even when an agreement is reached, the degree to which she agrees to participate might vary - depending on her comfort level; and it can lead to an interpersonal dynamic where the wife has a much greater degree of leverage - insofar as to the "where, when and how often" she participates. I remember discussing continuing nudism after my wife's first time; and her response being: "once a year - clothing-optional." I was so put off by the limitation that I considered just quitting. It felt like she was purposefully being difficult and was pulling a "power move." That can also be challenging to the relationship.
Some husbands will learn to live with a dynamic of "the wife calling the shots" because "it's still better than being a single nudist male"; and I can understand that. But...a "I'm only here because of my husband" stance can lead to a "dysfunction." I've seen covered wives spend the entire day by the RV/Camper on their phones while the husband socialized naked in the pool area. Some will say: "well that works for us" or "that's the only way she'll agree to go." But my question would be: "Is it a happy time? Are you two feeling connected there?"
To get back to my wife; she is vocal about going to the resort "because of her husband." And she did start out feeling that she was my "admission ticket" (sometimes even still feels that way). But along the way we continuously negotiated and revisited her comfort levels; and she found/admitted that she really enjoyed soaking/swimming and tanning naked. Socializing naked is still something she has "fluctuating levels of comfort" with; but she does stay naked and expresses confidence with it. But in situations where the wife participates but expresses an aversion to "open nudity", creating strict boundaries around it; or feels like the only reason she's there is so the husband can have his "naked social time" - well it doesn't always seem like a "healthy dynamic." I think maybe some more communication and "recalibrating" should occur.
Just a thought...
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- MEMemberDec 26, 2022
My wife would squarely fit into that category. Her very reserved approach to nudity & resorts would end immediately if something happened to me. Though she says (and her actions denote) that she enjoys her resort visits but almost always confines her nudity to the motorhome, very sparingly under the awning & periodically in the pool. She does greatly enjoy the resorts natural beauty & quietude. With all the afore mentioned, she does often ask when were going back. I interpret that as it being a fun, good time for her and were going to keep doing the same. I couldnt ask for more.
ReactReply - TD
Tom DDec 26, 2022[quote]Why don't those single or him-not-her nudist men just go to men's nudist resorts, of which there are LOTS? No, these places aren't AANR-ish, because they all have some explicit acknowledgement of male-male sexuality, generally a rule about here-not-there on the property. Some of them say they're gay; others don't, Some may have specifically gay events. But there is no entry examination, and they're patronized by nudists - which is to say there's no policing of body type, and nudity isn't taken for sexual availability.[/quote] Possibly for one of the reasons some women avoid clothing optional resorts in general. Concern of arousing unwanted sexual attention from men. Perception may be different from reality, but it still does sometimes influence actions,ReactReply - TDTom DDec 26, 2022
My wife won't even consider going to a clothing optional beach or resort even if she could remain clothed. Doesnt want to see anyone else nude beside me.
ReactReply - TH
ThetummyDec 27, 2022I suppose everyone is different. My wife wanted a caravan pitch at our naturist site, and we now have one there, but although she is getting more and more comfortable with being naked in th
e showers, pool hot tub etc, she wouldn't continue with naturism on her own.ReactReply - JE
John EnglishDec 27, 2022My wife goes to clubs but remains dressed .bathing suite cover up ,we go a few times a year she never says no when asked
ReactReply - HA
HarryDec 27, 2022LOL. Yep, that would be my wife also. Some people are just not into it.
ReactReply - MEMemberDec 27, 2022
My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.
ReactReply - TDTom DDec 27, 2022[quote]My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.[/quote] Not even when they are the only ones there? Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around.ReactReply
- MEMemberDec 27, 2022[quote]My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again. Not even when they are the only ones there? Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around.[/quote] My wife's change came about due to health conditions. She did for years enjoy being with me and being nude. She isn't opposed to nudity in any respect. Her sister on the otherhand....does many things to fulfill her need for social status. She doesn't at home and prefers when they visit our home that I stay clothed. Which I refuse to do. She restricts her husband too. Definitely odd.ReactReply
- TDTom DDec 27, 2022[quote]My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.Not even when they are the only ones there?Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around. My wife's change came about due to health conditions. She did for years enjoy being with me and being nude. She isn't opposed to nudity in any respect. Her sister on the otherhand....does many things to fulfill her need for social status. She doesn't at home and prefers when they visit our home that I stay clothed. Which I refuse to do. She restricts her husband too. Definitely odd.[/quote] I can understand why someone might not want to see her sister's husband nude, but why she would have a problem with her husband being nude seems very odd to me.ReactReply
- MEMemberDec 28, 2022[quote]My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.Not even when they are the only ones there?Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around.My wife's change came about due to health conditions. She did for years enjoy being with me and being nude. She isn't opposed to nudity in any respect. Her sister on the otherhand....does many things to fulfill her need for social status. She doesn't at home and prefers when they visit our home that I stay clothed. Which I refuse to do. She restricts her husband too. Definitely odd. I can understand why someone might not want to see her sister's husband nude, but why she would have a problem with her husband being nude seems very odd to me.[/quote] They are very materialistic and socially driven. It's a story on those twoReactReply
- TDTom DDec 28, 2022[quote]My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.Not even when they are the only ones there?Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around. My wife's change came about due to health conditions. She did for years enjoy being with me and being nude. She isn't opposed to nudity in any respect. Her sister on the otherhand....does many things to fulfill her need for social status. She doesn't at home and prefers when they visit our home that I stay clothed. Which I refuse to do. She restricts her husband too. Definitely odd.[/quote] Do you insist on being nude when visiting other relatives and friends or just your sister in law?ReactReply
- MEMemberDec 29, 2022[quote]My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.Not even when they are the only ones there?Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around.My wife's change came about due to health conditions. She did for years enjoy being with me and being nude. She isn't opposed to nudity in any respect. Her sister on the otherhand....does many things to fulfill her need for social status. She doesn't at home and prefers when they visit our home that I stay clothed. Which I refuse to do. She restricts her husband too. Definitely odd. Do you insist on being nude when visiting other relatives and friends or just your sister in law?[/quote] Those that are nudists, yes, I'm nude at home if they stop by. If the person I know is not then I respect them and will dress around them in at least shorts. In my sister in law's case. She's a hypocrite. She goes nude at the resort and beaches with others and us. But believes it's wrong at home. I don't like hypocrites.ReactReply
- TDTom DDec 29, 2022[quote]My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.Not even when they are the only ones there?Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around.My wife's change came about due to health conditions. She did for years enjoy being with me and being nude. She isn't opposed to nudity in any respect. Her sister on the otherhand....does many things to fulfill her need for social status. She doesn't at home and prefers when they visit our home that I stay clothed. Which I refuse to do. She restricts her husband too. Definitely odd.Do you insist on being nude when visiting other relatives and friends or just your sister in law? Those that are nudists, yes, I'm nude at home if they stop by. If the person I know is not then I respect them and will dress around them in at least shorts. In my sister in law's case. She's a hypocrite. She goes nude at the resort and beaches with others and us. But believes it's wrong at home. I don't like hypocrites.[/quote] Understood. None of the people who visit us are nudists, so I put on shorts if we have visitors. I only put on a shirt for really special company, not people who are here frequently.ReactReply
- MEMemberDec 29, 2022
Many years ago, my wife tried social nudism because of me, yes. But she has totally embraced social nudism to the point that all of our closest friends are nudists. We have very few if any close textile friends. Just aquaintances. So, if she were ever to find herself single she would not give up social nudism. Our friends wouldn't let her lol.
ReactReply - NUnudonyOriginal PosterDec 29, 2022If I took an "informal poll" of the married women at my resort, I would actually be surprised if any number of them said they would continue coming to the resort - in the event of a separation. Certainly some would want to preserve their friendships - although I suspectoutsideof a nudist setting.
[quote]Many years ago, my wife tried social nudism because of me, yes. But she has totally embraced social nudism to the point that all of our closest friends are nudists. We have very few if any close textile friends. Just aquaintances. So, if she were ever to find herself single she would not give up social nudism. Our friends wouldn't let her lol.[/quote]
I once met a woman who had indeed continued being an active social nudist after her separation/divorce from her husband. She had developed over the years a strong support/social network at her non-landed club. It was clearly very important for her to preserve that. Made sense to me.
The hope most husbands (hopefully) have is that their wives will findsomethingthey enjoy in a nudist setting. And I think many eventually will. "Well...I'm here now...might as well get rid of my tanlines", for example, can be a "launching pad" towards getting comfortable with it. It's ok to be a "I'm here because of my husband" wife, when it's followed by "but I enjoy it too because I get to....[em]{fill in the blanks}[/em]"
But when it isn't...it can get complicated. I've seen the wife "who traipses through the resort covered-up and with a dark cloud over her head", and "scowls" at the naked people she encounters. If everyone is "bummed out"; it's time for the husband to reevaluate the "emotional health" of the situation. I've seen a husband being pulled aside; after it became clear that his wife was not having a "good time" at all and was "bumming out" the other nudists. Luckily his wife met mine who was able to "turn things around" and help the woman get comfortable with all the nudity around her; and eventually find a path to social nudity herself. But it was a "messy situation.' And it'd started out with the husband feeling social pressure to bring his wife.
[quote]In my experience and opinion, forced couplehood is not particularly healthy or dynamic.[/quote]
I can't dispute that; nor can I offer any kind of "solution." I experienced myself the social ramifications and lukewarm reception of going to a non-landed club alone; and then my wife accompanying me and participating. I was like: "Wait...what?! Now that my wife is here - and naked - you care to socialize with me?!" I can make light of it now, but it wasn't that funny back then.
But as far as my wife is concerned, and as opposed to the gentleman I mentioned above, if my wife's behavior had been such to clearly indicate that she was having a "terrible time", or was negatively affecting the overall mood; I would have apologized to everyone - including my wife - and promptly taken my leave.ReactReply - SA
Stone AndyDec 30, 2022[quote]If I took an "informal poll" of the married women at my resort, I would actually be surprised if any number of them said they would continue coming to the resort - in the event of a separation. Certainly some would want to preserve their friendships - although I suspect outside of a nudist setting.[/quote]
This strikes me as deeply dysfunctional: couples with reluctant wives and eager husbands who would be dissed the minute they're separated or widowed, all based on the presumption of men as evil penis carriers redeemed by their holy vagina carrier partners. I'd avoid such a forced setup for resentment.ReactReply - ST
StevieLornaDec 30, 2022Perhaps a separated or widowed woman would stop going to the nudist club that she loved for fear of being pestered by some deeply misogynistic man.
ReactReply - SAStone AndyDec 30, 2022[quote]Perhaps a separated or widowed woman would stop going to the nudist club that she loved for fear of being pestered by some deeply misogynistic man.[/quote] A separated or widowed woman has a choice and has to deal with misogynist men. A separated or widowed man has no choice in returning to a nudist camp and has to deal with a deeply misandrist institution. This sexism going both ways is a case of nudism bringing out the worst in people, not one of celebration and integrity. Sad.ReactReply
- STStevieLornaDec 30, 2022[quote]A separated or widowed woman has a choice and has to deal with misogynist men. A separated or widowed man has no choice in returning to a nudist camp and has to deal with a deeply misandrist institution. This sexism going both ways is a case of nudism bringing out the worst in people, not one of celebration and integrity. Sad.[/quote]
I do feel sad that you have had some bad experiences with naturist clubs.
I keep coming back to the fact that your single status might not be the real problem, describing female naturists as holy vagina carriers might not be the best way to express your true feelings.ReactReply - LILittle_DavidJan 5, 2023
My ex-wife would go topless but never nude. She didn't like people being able to see her most private area. At home she would go nude but just with me. I just accepted and respected her wishes.
ReactReply - JE
JerryNov 30, 2024My wife is the one that first introduced me to the idea. It started with sleeping nude and before you knew it, I was cooking naked and stayed that way when our kids came out for breakfast. The secret was out. We have been naked ever since.
ReactReply - TDTom DNov 30, 2024[quote]My wife is the one that first introduced me to the idea. It started with sleeping nude and before you knew it, I was cooking naked and stayed that way when our kids came out for breakfast. The secret was out. We have been naked ever since.[/quote] How old were your kids when you started? Did they have any problems adjusting to you being nude around the house?ReactReply
- TOTomJan 1, 2025
I truly enjoyed your thoughts on this. Youre so on point, my wife opted not to be part of it and it sucks doing it solo.
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