That didn't hurt my feeling at all; but it did lead to a few thoughts.
Fairly early on, as I ventured into social nudism, I became aware of "single male stigma"; as many nudist men do. It seemed that in order to be "truly" accepted in an environment mostly populated by couples, I myself needed to be "coupled." Which put me in a position of having to "convince a wife." Some men will have some measure of success in accomplishing this; while many will not.
This dynamic of wives being/feeling cast as an "admission ticket" into social nudism is not always a very healthy one IMHO. It can cause "pressure" - on both sides - that can lead to frustration and/or resentment. Especially when communication about it is not 100% constructive. When it isn't, the wife might interpret it as "my husband just wants people to see me naked."
Even when an agreement is reached, the degree to which she agrees to participate might vary - depending on her comfort level; and it can lead to an interpersonal dynamic where the wife has a much greater degree of leverage - insofar as to the "where, when and how often" she participates. I remember discussing continuing nudism after my wife's first time; and her response being: "once a year - clothing-optional." I was so put off by the limitation that I considered just quitting. It felt like she was purposefully being difficult and was pulling a "power move." That can also be challenging to the relationship.
Some husbands will learn to live with a dynamic of "the wife calling the shots" because "it's still better than being a single nudist male"; and I can understand that. But...a "I'm only here because of my husband" stance can lead to a "dysfunction." I've seen covered wives spend the entire day by the RV/Camper on their phones while the husband socialized naked in the pool area. Some will say: "well that works for us" or "that's the only way she'll agree to go." But my question would be: "Is it a happy time? Are you two feeling connected there?"
To get back to my wife; she is vocal about going to the resort "because of her husband." And she did start out feeling that she was my "admission ticket" (sometimes even still feels that way). But along the way we continuously negotiated and revisited her comfort levels; and she found/admitted that she really enjoyed soaking/swimming and tanning naked. Socializing naked is still something she has "fluctuating levels of comfort" with; but she does stay naked and expresses confidence with it. But in situations where the wife participates but expresses an aversion to "open nudity", creating strict boundaries around it; or feels like the only reason she's there is so the husband can have his "naked social time" - well it doesn't always seem like a "healthy dynamic." I think maybe some more communication and "recalibrating" should occur.
Just a thought...
Replies
- TOTomJan 1, 2025
Wow thats exactly the same with me. She wont even join me clothed when Im in our own backyard.
ReactReply - CL
cloudyJan 19, 2025My wife went to a C/O resort a few times with me. She was as naked as I was. At home, we sleep naked and at times, when weather permits, are evn outside naked. We live in a national forest, therefore, very few neighbors. After a few times at the resort, she decides that too many old men are gawking at her. I saw the writing on the wall. Sure as shit, she tells me she doesn't want to be nakd there anymore. The atmosphere at home doesn't change. I tryed to explain to her that those old men ( I'm one ) are not just looking at her but all people, male and female. Doesn't make a difference. At the resort, she'll take a shower naked ( comunnal room ) and wrap a towel around her for the short walk to the hot tub or pool. Then she'll drop the towel and get in the water. In the camper or around it outside, she'll go naked. She has a nice body for a 64yr old lady.
ReactReply - NUnudonyOriginal PosterJan 21, 2025[quote]After a few times at the resort, she decides that too many old men are gawking at her. I saw the writing on the wall. [/quote] Sometimes you've got to "switch it up", or "reboot." My wife and I started out at two C/O resorts. She'd be nude in the pool area, but covered any other time; much like many other people there. She eventually confessed that she often felt that some people were just "waiting/hoping to see her naked"; or "catch a peek", as she wore loose fitting short cover-ups. We ended up going to a couple of "nudity-expected" venues; and she realized she no longer felt that way. The reason why: most everyone was nude, so she felt comfortable staying naked herself. And she no longer felt that anyone was paying any "special" attention to her, since she kinda "blended in" with everyone else. It was all psychological, of course; as it didn't seem to me that people were at the C/O resort were focused on her. Or maybe they were just wondering if she was uncomfortable with nudity. Unfortunately, not everyone gets to pick a resort. Or have a wife willing to explore different venues.ReactReply
- TD
Tom DJan 23, 2025[quote]We've met some women/wives that fall into this category but certainly not the majority. When you visit nude places, clubs/resorts, the beach, gatherings, to name a few, you meet others, and they share their stories. Initially, some women admit that they got into nudism because of their husband. They were hesitant, reluctant and didn't understand the point of sharing their nakedness with strangers. After several visits, they began to realize what the true meaning of nudism/naturism and being naked whenever they could, meant. They found comfort and freedom in it and they eventually became nudists/naturists themselves. We did find a number of women, a close nudist friend was one of them, that limit their exposure to others. This friend, like the others we talked with, will visit clubs/resorts, beaches with close friends but won't do it as a couple without someone they know. They prefer not to go to functions, dances, large gatherings and prefer to keep their nudist circle small and close. If a woman is being forced to be a nudist by her husband or partner, she needs to set the record straight with that person or find someone else to be with. This lifestyle should not be forced on anyone. I feel if guys find that their wives/partners are not interested at all in going nude, discussing nudism or remotely interested in visiting a nude place, those guys need to move on and find something to do that includes both of you and confine your nudism to your home and private backyards. They need to get on with life and stop trying to make your wife/partner something they are not.[/quote] I agree with most of what you say. However, my wife doesn't like the beach and I do, so I usually go to a clothing optional beach and she doesn't object. There are probably other men in a similar situation.ReactReply - MEMemberJan 24, 2025
My late wife was not a nudist as such but she would be topless at the beach whenever we went to a nude beach. She did get nude a few times but then wanted sex at the beach, she more associated full nudity with sex and I think quite a few women think the same or similarly. She would be topless and we had some funny experiences that I have posted about here. But she went to CO beaches because of me.
I have taken a few other women, prior to marriage and after I became a widower. It seems to me from my experiences full nudity is something men are generally more comfortable with from change rooms and open showers. I have anew partner and she is also not a nudist but has asked me a few questions about it. She is interested and made some bets she lost saying she will go naked is whatever place if she loses, she did and I remind her every now and then about paying up her bets, we will see.
My point is that many women would be nudists or go nude for their husband / partner. Nudity is not a state of dress / undress women seem to be as keen on as men. Many seem to get to like it and learn that there are not many catwalk models at the beach which I think is a healthy thing to learn.
ReactReply - JMJMsummertimeJan 26, 2025
A good thread. I've talked to my wife about trying nudism again (we went to nude beach once for first time last summer) and she is willing to do that again. However, she specified she doesn't want to socialize nude and so is disinclined to go to a resort or arranged nudist gatherings. Neither of us are outgoing people (although she more than I normally) and the nude aspect increases the anxiety about it. So, in short: being naked in vicinity to others=OK; being naked and people seeking to socialize=EHH.
Given that I'm not out there trying to socialize normally, I'm not seeking to sell her on a sudden interest in socializing but now without clothing!
I'm more open to low-key socializing in a nudist setting and don't know how to meet our currently different tolerances and interests.ReactReply - NUnudonyOriginal PosterJan 26, 2025
I was thinking a bit further on this topic of "I'm just here because of my husband."
I've seen 2 different categories of this:
"I'm just here because of my husband...but I do enjoy being naked with him and {sunning, swimming, etc....} "
and
"I'm just here because of my husband...but I'm just not into nudity."
Same "cause"; completely different reaction.Looking back at my first marriage, my wife initially had a mindset that approximated the second one. And after a few resort/non-landed trips, I was ready to quit. For one thing, I didn't like the optics of appearing like I was forcing my wife to be there. Second, I felt that her strong resistance to being seen nude created a discomfort for other women, which led to avoidance. Although I was sympathetic to her body-shame, I didn't want us to be defined that way by other nudists. Luckily, on what was supposed to be our last trip, a friendly and kind group of women managed to talk her out of her body-shame and embrace being confident in her nudity.
I know this is not a very popular opinion; but as I mentioned in my original post, if "she's just not into it", no matter how much she is willing to "give in and go anyway"; who is that helping?
ReactReply - NUnudonyOriginal PosterJan 26, 2025[quote]For us, it wasn't helping that she just didn't enjoy herself anymore. She would agree to go just to go with me, but it was not enjoyable. So, we just stopped going.[/quote] On that note. Back when I ran into an old co-worker and we started being included in their group of friends, I was overjoyed. My wife was lukewarm. Over time that turned to aggravation; as we then barely spent any time by ourselves. She wasn't adverse to socializing; but the constant feeling of being "crowded" - and the unavoidable "up close exposure" - prevented her from being truly relaxed. Her complaints eventually turned into a full-fledged argument; so we had to dramatically cut down on socializing - much to my chagrin - by going on days where our friends were not there. The alternative was much bleaker. [quote]I'm more open to low-key socializing in a nudist setting and don't know how to meet our currently different tolerances and interests.[/quote] Per my anecdote above; I would recommend going to a resort that has large enough grounds to stay clear of the crowd. At a C/O resort, your wife can even stay covered until you find a more "private" spot where she can be comfortably nude. It can work.ReactReply
- JMJMsummertimeJan 26, 2025[quote]Per my anecdote above; I would recommend going to a resort that has large enough grounds to stay clear of the crowd. At a C/O resort, your wife can even stay covered until you find a more "private" spot where she can be comfortably nude. It can work.[/quote] Thanks. I wonder why this dichotomy appears. Maybe to some extent there is a sublimation (the diversion or modification of an instinctual impulse into a culturally higher or socially more acceptable activity) of sexual drive, particularly where a man wants it to be a shared activity with his wife. If so, a fight to keep her involved can be even more dispiriting.ReactReply
- MEMemberJan 27, 2025
Very well stated, Andy. That is the method my wife employed on her first visit to a resort. We had rented a RV for the weekend and she wore a beach coverup for the first day and observed the activities from our site. The next she was nude just a bit but enjoyed the stay. We have since returned many times.
ReactReply - TDTom DJan 27, 2025[quote]I'm more open to low-key socializing in a nudist setting and don't know how to meet our currently different tolerances and interests.Per my anecdote above; I would recommend going to a resort that has large enough grounds to stay clear of the crowd. At a C/O resort, your wife can even stay covered until you find a more "private" spot where she can be comfortably nude. It can work. If a reluctant/hesitant or even moderately unwilling partner agrees to at least go, the best place to try it is a clothing optional club. Not a resort but a club. If you have an RV or are able to rent an RV, even better. At our club, we have met several couples where the female half of the couple was not will go nude around others. She wanted to keep it between her husband and herself. The had an RV, rented a spot, set up and she never left the campsite. They all stated that it was only a two night stay. The first day, the female typically remained covered. By mid second day, they were naked on their site only. They admitted that they were seen and that they observed other people walking by nude. It gave these women some removed observances where they could get some of their answers to questions, without asking, dispel misconceptions and better understand that it wasn't the big deal they thought it was. A couple of them never returned but a few did return and a couple of them actually joined the club. There are so many misconceptions about this lifestyle and so many females fear their husbands are getting them into something sexual. It's a difficult portion of this lifestyle that we all have to navigate, sometimes, no matter how long you've been a social nudist. It's not for everyone but I've always been one of those, "Don't knock it til you've tried it," kinda guys. My wife was not one of those until she finally agreed to try social nudism, found friends, found a freedom she loves and enjoys.[/quote] Sounds good as long as the wife is comfortable seeing people other than her husband nude. Mine is not.ReactReply
- NUnudonyOriginal PosterJan 28, 2025The RV is definitely a good option. With my first wife it was a bungalow on our second trip; but same concept. But I've also seen wives just sitting in front of their RV in the campground, reading a book or surfing on their phone, covered the entire time. While their husband was hanging out nude in the pool area. They didn't always seem to be newbies either. I think the "catch" to that approach is that the wife can get to thinking: "Oh, I can just stay in the campground and keep my clothes/sarong on; and I don't even have to be around nudists either? Sounds good to me!" And then the husband still ends up with a wife who is "just here because of my husband...but I'm just not into nudity." Which is something I actually heard a wife say. It seems that the more the resort is C/O, with people outside the pool area being covered, the higher the odds of this happening. Of course, if a wife has that mindset from the get-go, the chance of her participating was probably slim to begin with... [quote]They admitted that they were seen and that they observed other people walking by nude. It gave these women some removed observances where they could get some of their answers to questions, without asking, dispel misconceptions and better understand that it wasn't the big deal they thought it was.[/quote] That is, in my experience, a very common development. Discreetly observing nudists - especially other women - from a distance considered "safe"; being confidently nude and interacting with no perceived hang-ups about being naked in other people's presence. In my case, my wife and I were sitting by ourselves in the picnic area in the back of the pool area; where she could have a clear view of the people there. It didn't take her long to start thinking: "If these women can just walk around completely naked with no issues, I can at least go topless and take a quick dip in the hot-tub." From there it was just a matter of a few casual interactions before she saw no sense in keeping herself hidden from people who clearly had no issues being naked in front of her. But, there is no secret recipe. All you can do is "stack the cards in her favor" and hope that what she sees there evokes inspiration.ReactReply
- TDTom DJan 28, 2025[quote]It's really aggravating that we are now unable to edit our posts to correct mistakes.[/quote] Or even delete accidentally duplicates.ReactReply
- NUnudonyOriginal PosterJan 30, 2025Yeap. Not being able to edit or delete makes me squeamish about posting something I can't change later. [quote]Though it's mostly men that have to go through this dilemma and process, there are some women out there that go through this as well.[/quote] Oh yes. A good friend of my wife, upon finding out we were nudists, really wanted to accompany us on a trip to our resort. She had been to the nude beach before; and my wife and her had sunbathed nude while on vacation together. Her boyfriend was adamantly opposed to it. He's a bodybuilder, in better shape than I am. My wife tried to talk to him; to no avail. His issue was not his GF being seen nude by me or anyone else, or him seeing my wife nude; it was his own body dysmorphia. Which goes to show it's not only a female issue. I once met a husband who was there at a nudist BnB "because of his wife." He chose to participate and be nude with her nonetheless because "it made her happy." But he had no nudist inclinations of his own. Good on him, though...ReactReply
- ST
StevieLornaJan 30, 2025I think someones comfort level in a particular resort will have a lot to do with returning alone after a death or divorce.
For the past 5 or 6 years weve spent most of our nude vacation time in Charco De Palo, the naturist village on Lanzarote. We both love this place and Lorna has told me she would continue to holiday there even after I was gone.
Id like to share two experiences from last September. We arrived at our apartment mid afternoon, a couple were sitting out enjoying the sun in the apartment to our right, we said hello in passing and got to unpacking. Later after dinner we were sitting out enjoying a glass of wine, and we got chatting to this other couple. After about an hour chatting about all the usual topics on first meeting people, the lady told us that she wasnt a nudist, it is her husband who is. This was a great surprise to us, as for the last 4 hours all she had been wearing was a floppy hat and sunglasses. It was their first visit to Charco and she said she found it so comfortable and at ease with the palace that being nude seemed much more normal.
Her comfort level was definitely the reason she spent most of her time nude. They rebooked another visit before their holiday was over.The next day the room on our left became occupied, and it turned out to be someone we had met the pervious year. Another couple, but only the woman was there, she explained that her husband was due to come at the same time, but something came up back home that he had to delay by 4 days, she told us that she wasnt going to miss 4 naked days because of him and she was happy to go alone. Her comfort level with Charco was the reason she could happily do this.
So I suppose, if you find the right places its easier for women to think they would be happy to return without a chaperone.
ReactReply - PHPhilippeFeb 4, 2025
Hi Steevie&Lorna, thanks for your post.
We have never been to Charco del Palo but will be there for a week end of April.
Looking forward to enjoying.ReactReply - STStevieLornaFeb 4, 2025[quote]Hi Steevie&Lorna, thanks for your post. We have never been to Charco del Palo but will be there for a week end of April. Looking forward to enjoying.[/quote] We hope you love it as much as we do, enjoy. Bon voyage. We will be back in March.ReactReply
- MEMemberMar 15, 2025
Just a quick *thank you* note for Nudony, Andy & Stevie for their posting efforts on this topic. Its probably t h e most relevant and important topic here on TN. The regular folks that frequent nude venues know that getting friends & even spouses to agree to try social nudity can be a daunting task. And it often, obviously, blows up in your face as numerous older posts can attest. The suggestions and past experiences given by the afore are wise words and can truly help the uninitiated. I do appreciate all their many efforts & posts on this topics and the others. Just for the record, they are noticed. Thank you, again & keep up the good work.
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