This free wheeling, wild child, wife, needs advice! — General Discussion on True Nudists

BornAgainOriginal Poster

May 1, 2013

I've been married almost 18 years to a very conservative Christian man who believes he is the only one that should be able to see me without clothing, with exception of my doctors. The last few years we have been separated for numerous reasons, one being that he doesn't enjoy or accept me fully. I love this man but He does not agree with the nudist lifestyle and I have done everything in my power to ease him of his fears including use scripture, openly discussing and letting him know I really would enjoy living this lifestyle together or at the very least just have him go with me to clothing optional places where he can leave his clothes on. He will not even contemplate the idea. I tried to play the good, submissive, wife for years but I NEED TO BE ME! Any encouraging input or advice is welcome.

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DanandJanette
May 1, 2013
[quote]I've been married almost 18 years to a very conservative Christian man who believes he is the only one that should be able to see me without clothing, with exception of my doctors. The last few years we have been separated for numerous reasons, one being that he doesn't enjoy or accept me fully. I love this man but He does not agree with the nudist lifestyle and I have done everything in my power to ease him of his fears including use scripture, openly discussing and letting him know I really would enjoy living this lifestyle together or at the very least just have him go with me to clothing optional places where he can leave his clothes on. He will not even contemplate the idea. I tried to play the good, submissive, wife for years but I NEED TO BE ME! Any encouraging input or advice is welcome.
[/quote] These are the facts.....you have been married to him for 18 years. You love him. He hates the idea of nudism, and will never change. The only realistic advice anyone can give is to make a choice....your husband or your pursuit of nudism. You have to decide which is more important to you, you cannot have both. Some things in life come down to hard black and white decisions. I wish you luck.
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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 1, 2013
I don't see that black or white and disagree but thank you for you input.
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overexposed
May 1, 2013
Ahh,.. a true nudist.. welcome to the site.. You should be who you are, and not short change youreself for others, no matteer who they are.
Ive been in the same boat and diddnt like it... so I jumped ship as well and never looked back..lol
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DanandJanette
May 1, 2013
[quote]I don't see that black or white and disagree but thank you for you input.[/quote] When two diametrically opposed viewpoints cannot reach a compromise, the only choices are for one person to capitulate or remove themselves from the situation, ie leave their spouse. The only other choice you would have is to indulge in your nudist activities secretly then lie about it to your husband, and I really don't think any responsible person would encourage that.
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FF32404
May 1, 2013
I think Dan and Janette are right. It also is apparent by your OP that it's much more than just the nudism thing. It sounds like you are at the point where a choice must be made, and it also appears that you know there are only two choices which makes it a "black and white" situation like DandJ said. I wish you well.
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David
May 1, 2013
As others have hinted at this is a very touchy subject. I myself was only married for a very short time and the reason for the dissolution of my marriage had nothing to do with nudism. However, I would like to say that if your husband objects to you being a nudist, he can state his opinion and objections, he can not and should not expect to enforce his ideal upon you. A marriage should be a meeting of equals who have the respect to honor one another no matter the difference of opinion. I have noticed that when religion or religious points of view get put into a conversation it causes more harm than good, especially if one party is severely devout and set in their minds. I respect your attempts to use scripture with your husband to help him see a different view. I have encountered many a person who, no matter the argument and/or evidence, will defend their position to their dying breath unbendingly. If you are so unhappy with how things are going, I think you should sit down with your husband and have a serious talk about how you both feel and where things are going. If after this you both feel it is not going in a positive direction, then you should discuss how to procede. I can't tell you how to go about any of this as I am not in the situation and can only go by what you posted. I can only say good luck and I hope that it goes well for both parties. A divorce is not a pleasant experience and I would not wish it on anyone. Just know that no matter what happens we will be here for you, or at least I will be if I can.
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A
May 2, 2013
If he would be against nudity per se, situation would be easy. You would go whenever it doesn't disturb your cohabitation and enjoy solo or social nudity in any which way you see fit. But his attitude of wanting to restrict you from being what you want to be even when he is not around is the problem.

Is he in other ways also a control freak, trying to decide what you are allowed to do and what not? If yes, then it is a broader issue to deal with and a very complicated one. Here a broader consultation to your mutual agreements, terms and behaviour, possibly with outside expert (marriage counselor etc.) would probably be the best option.

In case it is a singular issue, limited to whether you should be nude in anyone else's company but his, then it comes to fundamental importance of nudity in your life. Either he accepts your ways or he you submit yourself to his will and ideas. It really doesn't sound a rational argumentation would take you very far with him. Besides from Bible you can find almost any argument supporting or opposing anything all the way to endorsing genocides and racism, so reading and interpreting it even to a believer is a tricky thing to do. Using it as a argument pro/contra is not really much help, either, as any counterarguments can also be easily found in it.

So, either you stand up to your rights and make him face the existing facts - or you hold your peace with him. It is unfortunately you alone who has to face the music and make the decision. And carry the possible consequences.

Good luck

Aki
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Razorbackcpl1
May 2, 2013
" I tried to play the good,submissive, wife" Seems to me that there is a bigger problem here than just wanting to be nude, " we have been separated fornumerousreasons".I believe the basic's of marriage is "Friendship, Love & Understanding". A catholic pastor doesn't marry God so that he can control him, it is because that is his one true love above all.In my 1st marriage I was so determined to succeed that I was willing to do & be anything for him an the marriage. And I was quite happy doing it for a long time. Then we had a dinner party & I realized that most of the people only knew me as ***'s wife or ***'s mother, most did not even know my 1st name...... So who was I anymore??No it wasn't all his fault, it was mine too, I let the real me slip away. Changing back was not in the cards with him, he came to expect me to be the way I was not the way I was when we married. That being most of the reason that our love had slipped away too. My old friends couldn't believe how I had changed & not for the good.To this day a part of me still loves him, but and this is the big "but" In order to be happy with myself I had to be me. Or else we didn't have a real relationship.Only you can decide what is right for you, an I don't believe nudism is the biggest problem. Take that out of the picture... would you still be happy together???Good luck & be true to yourself .
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ManOfWicklow
May 2, 2013
[quote]" I tried to play the good,submissive, wife" Seems to me that there is a bigger problem here than just wanting to be nude, " we have been separated fornumerousreasons".I believe the basic's of marriage is "Friendship, Love & Understanding". A catholic pastor doesn't marry God so that he can control him, it is because that is his one true love above all.In my 1st marriage I was so determined to succeed that I was willing to do & be anything for him an the marriage. And I was quite happy doing it for a long time. Then we had a dinner party & I realized that most of the people only knew me as ***'s wife or ***'s mother, most did not even know my 1st name...... So who was I anymore??No it wasn't all his fault, it was mine too, I let the real me slip away. Changing back was not in the cards with him, he came to expect me to be the way I was not the way I was when we married. That being most of the reason that our love had slipped away too. My old friends couldn't believe how I had changed & not for the good.To this day a part of me still loves him, but and this is the big "but" In order to be happy with myself I had to be me. Or else we didn't have a real relationship.Only you can decide what is right for you, an I don't believe nudism is the biggest problem. Take that out of the picture... would you still be happy together???Good luck & be true to yourself . [/quote]Excellent post. So very true.
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nudony
May 2, 2013
A lot of good posts. The only thing I might recommend, even though it may sound cliche', is to try couples therapy. In my early days of marriage, I was very much the only nudist. My wife found the idea of being socially nude...almost insane. We had a couple of free therapy sessions. With the therapist/pastor, we started talking about our personal needs, whether the other person was accomodating/respectful of them; and I seized the moment and brought up nudism. My wife just turned red in the face. But then we started talking about it. And my wife started really opening up about how she felt about the whole thing. That was really helpful for her in terms of confronting her body acceptance issues, and making a commitment to try to overcome them. It worked.
- At least for a while. We're divorced now; as our differences were too great - greater than nudism. Still, I would give it therapy a shot. If it doesn't work, or is not even considered; the question becomes "are our differences irreconciliable?"
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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 2, 2013
Excellent input! I so appreciate. Thank you. I will reread all when I have more time. In the meantime I am praying for wisdom, strength, and direction. Of course there is so much more to my story and I must consider all. We have been in and out of therapy. Since being separated I have enjoyed my naturist lifestyle publicly, freely, and with out any guilt. I believe in the bonds of marriage, respecting your husband, and love that is stated in 1st Cor 13:4-8 and will always love, respect and care for my husband regardless of what happens. I hope that we can work it out but I will not be stifled anymore as I know my God desires me to be the ME that He created me to be.

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DanandJanette
May 2, 2013
[quote]... I was married for 28 years, 6 months, 3 children, ready to retire, and my ex-wife become more and more controlling. [/quote] A controlling woman? Surely you jest, sir.
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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
May 2, 2013
[quote]Excellent input! I so appreciate. Thank you. I will reread all when I have more time. In the meantime I am praying for wisdom, strength, and direction. Of course there is so much more to my story and I must consider all. We have been in and out of therapy. Since being separated I have enjoyed my naturist lifestyle publicly, freely, and with out any guilt. I believe in the bonds of marriage, respecting your husband, and love that is stated in 1st Cor 13:4-8 and will always love, respect and care for my husband regardless of what happens. I hope that we can work it out but I will not be stifled anymore as I know my God desires me to be the ME that He created me to be.

[/quote]Thank god I'm an Atheist.
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DesertRat
May 3, 2013
William Shakespeare put forward a great piece of advice several centuries ago and you would do well to consider what he had to say. The one memorable line I am referring to is "To thine own self be true."

You are asking a bunch of nudists about your problem that happens to touch upon nudism. My question to you is; is that really your problem? You said that you have separated several times for other reasons. I assume that none of them were about nudism.

I don't want to tell you what you should do because only you can make that final decision. The basic question that you should be asking yourself is; would I be better off with out him or with him? If he physically beat you, what would you do? Is mentally beating you and smothering you any less harmful? Do I want the rest of my life to be the same as the last 18 years?

Before you make that final step I would recommend that you go to marital counseling together. If he refuses because in his mind, there is no problem, then you must make the decision on your own. When and if you do, remember our friend Will Shakespeare and to thy own self be true.

Good luck and our prayers are with you,

DesertRat and Wife
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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 3, 2013
[quote][quote]Excellent input! I so appreciate. Thank you. I will reread all when I have more time. In the meantime I am praying for wisdom, strength, and direction. Of course there is so much more to my story and I must consider all. We have been in and out of therapy. Since being separated I have enjoyed my naturist lifestyle publicly, freely, and with out any guilt. I believe in the bonds of marriage, respecting your husband, and love that is stated in 1st Cor 13:4-8 and will always love, respect and care for my husband regardless of what happens. I hope that we can work it out but I will not be stifled anymore as I know my God desires me to be the ME that He created me to be.

[/quote]Thank god I'm an Atheist.
[/quote]Yes, you're right. I've found it's much harder to be a follower of Christ than it is to not...
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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 3, 2013
[quote][quote]I don't see that black or white and disagree but thank you for you input.[/quote] When two diametrically opposed viewpoints cannot reach a compromise, the only choices are for one person to capitulate or remove themselves from the situation, ie leave their spouse. The only other choice you would have is to indulge in your nudist activities secretly then lie about it to your husband, and I really don't think any responsible person would encourage that.
[/quote]Your are wrong about me. I will continue to be me, openly, honestly. My husband will have to choose if this is acceptable to him, not the other way around.
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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 3, 2013
[quote][quote]... I was married for 28 years, 6 months, 3 children, ready to retire, and my ex-wife become more and more controlling. [/quote] A controlling woman? Surely you jest, sir.
[/quote]Yeah, it goes both ways... In my case it's been a controlling man.
I sincerely appreciate all the helpful and encouraging posts. I spent some time with my husband reading your posts and actually had some fruitful conversation. True we have other issues we need to address as I said in the beginning and many of you reiterated. This is the tip of the iceberg. I am actively working (tirelessly at times) at addressing other issues. I have days when I'm done and days when I want us to work as does my husband. I NEVER IMAGINED HOW HARD MARRIAGE WOULD BE... DANG! But I know a good marriage takes much work, compromise, communication, honesty, respect, love that is unconditional, patient, kind, not proud or arrogant... anyway, I could go on and on but I don't have the time. Just wanted you all to know how much your time in responding means to me, those of you that truly care, I feel you and those of you that will actually pray, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH!
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lovethebeach01
May 3, 2013
How important is it for you to be who you are ?
In my opinion respect for the other is to him and from him.

But it looks complicated when he thinks he is the only man who sees your naked. But why? Naturism has nothing to
do with showing your body. There is so much respect on the beach or other place for the person who he / she is, not who he or she looks like.

Maybe explain what naturism really means for you, why you feel so comfortable with it and where he is afraid for

Good luck !, sometimes its hard to explain and convince that you do it because you feel comfortable with it and for you not an issue
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Mike Taylor
May 3, 2013
Be who you are. If he truly loves you he will accept you as you are. We may not always agree with some things our loved ones do but love them for who they are. Anything else is not love but possession. Be who you are and let him decide do I lover her enough to accept her as she is?
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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 3, 2013
[quote]How important is it for you to be who you are ?
In my opinion respect for the other is to him and from him.

But it looks complicated when he thinks he is the only man who sees your naked. But why? Naturism has nothing to
do with showing your body. There is so much respect on the beach or other place for the person who he / she is, not who he or she looks like.

Maybe explain what naturism really means for you, why you feel so comfortable with it and where he is afraid for

Good luck !, sometimes its hard to explain and convince that you do it because you feel comfortable with it and for you not an issue
[/quote]I have explained. I've told him that I've always enjoyed being without clothing, that I hate being bound by bras, jeans, shoes... I've explained that being nude at home, beaches, resorts... I feel free and more wonderful than in any other situation. I've explained that to me it's nothing sexual but more sexually enticing to have clothing on... I've explained that yes, there may be some that lust but they would prolly lust whether I had a bikini on or even fully clothed, maybe more so...oh so much more... I think I may be making some headway though, as far as me being a naturist, by sharing these posts and letting him see that nudist are not necessarily a bunch of freaks (although I went to one adult resort where I was repulsed by some peoples behavior, NEVER AGAIN). We shall see.... one day at a time, one minute... sometimes...
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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 3, 2013
[quote]Be who you are. If he truly loves you he will accept you as you are. We may not always agree with some things our loved ones do but love them for who they are. Anything else is not love but possession. Be who you are and let him decide do I lover her enough to accept her as she is?
[/quote]AMEN!
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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 17, 2013
*Update
I've been on trip out west with my parents and aunt. Enjoyed Secret Cove for my 45 birthday even though chilly I couldn't resist an icy plunge into Lake Tahoe. My Mom captured my joy in my birthday suite and I sent pics to my hubby... made his day! LOVE!! Thank you all for your support, encouragement... thankful for fellow naturists!
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DesertRat
May 17, 2013
!LOVE1LIFE,

Belated Happy Birthday to you. I would say the majority of us on the site are pulling for you. We all know the joys of nudism and it seems like the vast majority of us are happily married. When we hear of a young couple's wedding, we are very happy for them, because we know the happiness we have in the married state and we want the same for them. Sometimes it just doesn't quite work out that way.

I was re-reading your letters and one important thing struck me. In your first letter, you stated that your husband is a conservative Christian. That may be part of your problem; that is your husband's interpretation of what a Christian really is. If you don't meet that ideal that's in his head, then you have some real problems. You may be doing all the things a wife should be doing, but in this one area you are failing in his mind. Rather that being thankful for his wonderful, loving wife, he is looking at the down side and making you both miserable for this one thing that he doesn't agree with. I don't believe you need to change but he needs to reevaluate his views on Christianity.

Below is an article on the morality of nudism. I'm sure you'll recognize its author. I hope it helps.

DesertRat

Pope John Paul II on Nudism

Drawing from his own pastoral experience as a priest and bishop before he became Pope John Paul II, Karol Wojtyla has produced a remarkably eloquent and resourceful book, Love and Responsibility.

The following is a portion of that work.

Sexual modesty cannot then in any simple way be identified with the use of clothing, nor shamelessness with the absence of clothing and total or partial nakedness. There are circumstances in which nakedness is not immodestâ€¦ nakedness as such is not to be equated with physical shamelessness. Immodesty is present only when nakedness plays a negative role with regard to the value of the person, when its aim is to arouse concupiscence, as a result of which the person is put in the position of an object of enjoyment. The human body is not in itself shameful, nor for the same reasons are sensual reactions, and human sensuality in general. Shamelessness (just like shame and modesty) is a function of the interior of a person. There is a certain relativism in the definition of what is shameless. This relativism may be due to differences in the makeup of particular persons-a greater or lesser sensual excitability, a higher or lower level of moral culture-or to different world views. It may equally be due to differences in external conditions-in climate, for instanceâ€¦and also in prevailing customs, social habits, etc. Dress is always a social question, a function ofâ€¦social customs. In this matter there is no exact similarity in the behavior of particular people, even if they live in the same age and the same society. The principle of what is truly immodest is simple and obvious, but its application in specific cases depends upon the individual, the milieu, the society. There are circumstances in which nakedness is not immodest. If someone takes advantage of such an occasion to treat the person as an object of enjoyment (even if his action is purely internal) it is only he who is guilty of shamelessnessâ€¦ not the other.
-- Pope John Paul II, Love and Responsibility, trans. H.T. Willetts (New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1981), pp. 176-192.

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BornAgainOriginal Poster
May 19, 2013
[quote]!LOVE1LIFE,

Belated Happy Birthday to you. I would say the majority of us on the site are pulling for you. We all know the joys of nudism and it seems like the vast majority of us are happily married. When we hear of a young couple's wedding, we are very happy for them, because we know the happiness we have in the married state and we want the same for them. Sometimes it just doesn't quite work out that way.

I was re-reading your letters and one important thing struck me. In your first letter, you stated that your husband is a conservative Christian. That may be part of your problem; that is your husband's interpretation of what a Christian really is. If you don't meet that ideal that's in his head, then you have some real problems. You may be doing all the things a wife should be doing, but in this one area you are failing in his mind. Rather that being thankful for his wonderful, loving wife, he is looking at the down side and making you both miserable for this one thing that he doesn't agree with. I don't believe you need to change but he needs to reevaluate his views on Christianity.

Below is an article on the morality of nudism. I'm sure you'll recognize its author. I hope it helps.

DesertRat

Pope John Paul II on Nudism

Drawing from his own pastoral experience as a priest and bishop before he became Pope John Paul II, Karol Wojtyla has produced a remarkably eloquent and resourceful book, Love and Responsibility.

The following is a portion of that work.

Sexual modesty cannot then in any simple way be identified with the use of clothing, nor shamelessness with the absence of clothing and total or partial nakedness. There are circumstances in which nakedness is not immodestÃ¢Â€Â¦ nakedness as such is not to be equated with physical shamelessness. Immodesty is present only when nakedness plays a negative role with regard to the value of the person, when its aim is to arouse concupiscence, as a result of which the person is put in the position of an object of enjoyment. The human body is not in itself shameful, nor for the same reasons are sensual reactions, and human sensuality in general. Shamelessness (just like shame and modesty) is a function of the interior of a person. There is a certain relativism in the definition of what is shameless. This relativism may be due to differences in the makeup of particular persons-a greater or lesser sensual excitability, a higher or lower level of moral culture-or to different world views. It may equally be due to differences in external conditions-in climate, for instanceÃ¢Â€Â¦and also in prevailing customs, social habits, etc. Dress is always a social question, a function ofÃ¢Â€Â¦social customs. In this matter there is no exact similarity in the behavior of particular people, even if they live in the same age and the same society. The principle of what is truly immodest is simple and obvious, but its application in specific cases depends upon the individual, the milieu, the society. There are circumstances in which nakedness is not immodest. If someone takes advantage of such an occasion to treat the person as an object of enjoyment (even if his action is purely internal) it is only he who is guilty of shamelessnessÃ¢Â€Â¦ not the other.
-- Pope John Paul II, Love and Responsibility, trans. H.T. Willetts (New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1981), pp. 176-192.

[/quote]Thank you and thank you for sharing! I'm not Catholic but do find this very interesting. I so appreciate your support. Everything good to you and yours...
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