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ManOfWicklowOriginal Poster
Jun 9, 2012There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
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- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 9, 2012
Embarrassing Situations!
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"ReactReply - T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 9, 2012Best One so far: "Crowbar from Sears" I Love it.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 9, 2012[quote]Best One so far: "Crowbar from Sears" I Love it.
[/quote]Yeah, that one really tickled me.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 9, 2012Top 10 reasons why Beer is better than Religion
10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stopReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 9, 2012Pub and club promotions that encourage binge drinking will be banned within months in a government retreat from its policy of liberalising licensing laws. Licensees face fines of up to £20,000 or up to six months in jail for offers such as All you can drink for 10 or Free drinks for women under 25.
Source: Sunday Times
20 January 2010ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 10, 2012If that is a joke, I ain't laughin.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 10, 2012[quote]If that is a joke, I ain't laughin.
[/quote]It's no jokeReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 10, 2012A guy walks into a bar, looking really moody and orders immediately a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says: "You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the other guys in here only have compliments about your wife."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 11, 2012[quote]A guy walks into a bar, looking really moody and orders immediately a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says: "You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the other guys in here only have compliments about your wife."[/quote]So then the guy says, "She charges me $200.00 for sex."
The bartender says, "Your lucky she charges everybody else $ 250.00."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 11, 2012Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.
The first one did not have anything to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties..." The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 12, 2012A guy is at the bar, just staring at his drink, when a big truck driver steps up next to him, takes the guy's drink, and gulps it down. The guy starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on, man, I was just fucking around. Here, I'll buy you another drink. For Christ sakes, don't cry."
The guy says, "You don't understand. This has been the worst day of my life. First, I sleep late, and when I get to my office, my boss fires me. When I get to the parking lot, I find out my car is stolen. I get a cab home, and when I get there, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in my desk at work. The cab driver doesn't believe me, and kicks my ass. When I finally go in the house, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. So I come to this bar, and just when I'm thinking about ending it all, you show up and drink my poison."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 12, 2012A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..........
"You idiot!" "You're sitting on the mop bucket!!!!ReactReply - DE
DennisUKUncleJun 12, 2012Very good. Nicely done.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 12, 2012ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 12, 2012Two drunks above the statue of liberty.
one said:"if we jump from here, when do you think we will reach the ground? "
the other answered:"after a week"
the firt one said:" you think we will die? "
the other said:" of course dummy!! a week without food? we'll die of hunger!!"
two drunks above the statue of liberty.
one said:"if we jump from here, when do you think we will reach the ground? "
the other answered:"after a week"
the firt one said:" you think we will die? "
the other said:" of course dummy!! a week without food? we'll die of hunger!!"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 12, 2012A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, "Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it"
50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.
Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.
Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, "Say what breed is that anyway?"
The owner says, "Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 14, 2012An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went to a party.
The Englishman took six bottles of beer.
The Irishman took six crates of Guinness.
The Scotsman took six friends.ReactReply - JA
jaybirdsJun 14, 2012A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm not on drugs."
The bartender says, "You are now." That was the barbitchyouate."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 14, 2012So the bear leaves that bar and walks into a bar in the next block.
He sits down and orders a beer.
The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.
The bear says, "What do I owe you?"
The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.
"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender,
"he probably hasn’t been in many bars."
So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."
The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.
After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity,
so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.
"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."
The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 14, 2012Sandy was sitting at the bar drinking double whiskies in one gulp as fast as the barman could put them in front of him. He eventually explained that it was the only way he could drink them after a terrible accident. "What sort of accident?" asked the barman. "Terrible," said Sandy. "I knocked one over with my elbow."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 15, 2012Sandy then says "Give me another double whisky before the fight starts" The Barman gives him a double whisky, and Sandy drinks it... and says "Give me another double whisky before the fight starts" He repeats this six times. Then, the Barman becoming curious asks him "What fight?" Then Sandy replies drunkenly "I've no money!"ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 16, 2012A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 17, 2012They say alcohol kills slowly, so, who's in a hurry ?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 17, 2012Two men sitting in a bar drinking... a lot.
As they are sitting there drinking away, one man turns to the other and
says, "I have got to get out of here! I need to go home & tear my wife's
panties off!"
The other man looks at him with confusion and replies, "Well, what in
the world just made you think of that?"
"Because," replies the guy, "they are too damn tight & they are cutting
off my circulation!"ReactReply