MA
ManOfWicklowOriginal Poster
Jun 9, 2012There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
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- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 25, 2012
- A blind man walks into a bar and says to the barmaid: "I've got a really good blonde joke for you." The barmaid says to him: "Excuse me, I'm a 6ft blonde rugby player, the woman behind you is a blonde shot-putter, and the woman next to you is a blonde bodybuilder. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, then says: "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."
ReactReply - T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 26, 2012A pub landlord advertises for a new barmaid and receives applications from three candidates who are all equally suitable for the job. He calls them all in to see him and at the end of each interview he asks each one the same question. "If you were cleaning the bar once it was closed for the night and found ten pounds on the floor, what would you do with it?" The first candidate replies: "I'd place the money in the till. You've been good enough to give me a job and I'm happy with my wage. The money's yours." The second candidate replies: "I would place the money in the till and take five pounds out for myself. That way we are splitting the money, and that's only fair." The third candidate replies: "I would keep the money. It's a perk of doing such a menial job and, as such, it is my right to keep any money I find."
Question: So which one got the job? Answer: The one with the biggest breasts.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 27, 2012Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar.
"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth.
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
The Irishman swore every word was true.
"Did this actually happen to you?" they asked.
"No not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman,
"but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJul 4, 2012Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten.
Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either.
So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him.
As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?".
Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJul 13, 2012Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day , he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned.
The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but poor old Murphy passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."
She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"
"I don't think so," said the foreman: "He got out three times to go to the men's room.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJul 15, 2012A man is sitting in a bar drinking a beer when a young lady walks up and says "So what are you drinking?" The man replies casually "Magic beer" and the lady asks "What kind of magic beer?" "What's so special about it?!?" says the man. He proceeds to get up and flies around the room 3 times and sits back down. The lady snaps "I bet you couldn't do that again even if your life depended on it!" So he gets up and flies around the room 3 more times. The lady says "I'll have what he's having!" She chugs it down and goes to the roof and jumps - falling to her death. The bartender looks at the man sitting at the bar and says "Superman, you're a jerk when your drunk."ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterAug 21, 2012
[img style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 8px; PADDING-RIGHT: 8px; PADDING-TOP: 8px" id=il_fi src="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSgUjhDtuD1lPlRIx0Ntl2_1PbNB1Fay9B2x30h0V37iQlQbBApaOJB6blFVQ" width=281 height=179>
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterAug 31, 2012Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong.
"I've puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me."
The other drunk says "do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned."
"Sounds like a great idea" says drunk number 1.
When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is.
The drunk starts spinning the lie and says "Look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my shirt pocket."
His wife looks in the pocket and finds a twenty dollar bill. "Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy only gave you ten bucks for puking on you?"
"He did," says the drunk. "But he shit in my pants too."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 31, 2012“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.â€
~ Frank SinatraReactReply - HA
HawkAug 31, 2012BAR PHONE FEES
$1.00, NOT HERE
$2.00, ON HE'S WAY OUT
$3.00, JUST LEFT
$4.00, HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL DAY!
$5.00, WHO?
MAKE ARRANGEMENTS WITH BAR TENDER UPON ARRIVAL
"DANGER, MEN DRINK"ReactReply - MA
marko167Sep 1, 2012
A duck walks into a bar and says "Got any bread?"
The barman says "Sorry, we're a bar, we don't sell bread". So the duck leaves.
Five minutes later the duck returns and says "Got any bread?"
The barman says "We're a bar, not a baker. We don't sell bread". So the duck leaves.
Five minutes later the duck returns and says "Got any bread?"
Now irate the barman says "WE'RE A BAR, we don't sell bread". So the duck leaves.
Five minutes later the duck returns and says "Got any bread?"
Barman:
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE A BAR! NUTS? YES! CRISPS? YES! BEER? YES!!!!".
The barmen now red in the face, heart pumping, leans over the bar and
says "If you dare ask me again I'll nail your bill to the counter!!!" So
the duck leaves.
Five minutes later the duck returns and says "Got any nails?"
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE A BAR! Not an ironmonger!".
So the duck says "Got any bread?"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterSep 1, 2012
[img src="http://cdn-i.dmdentertainment.com/funpages/cms_content/8715/Decath.jpg" width=499 height=579>
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJul 29, 2014After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.â€The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King of Beers,’ a Budweiser.â€The bartender gives him one.??The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.†He gets it.The guy from Molson sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.†The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Molson’s?â€The Molson president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.â€ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJul 30, 2014Molsom produces CoorsReactReply