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ManOfWicklowOriginal Poster
Sep 23, 2014A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 23, 2014Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, Let's do it!
We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning.
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is At home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home. Admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group and He is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, "Take a sweater!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 9, 2015A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her.
One day she calls home and a strange woman answers.
Wife: Who is this?
Maid: This is the maid.
Wife: We don't have a maid.
Maid: I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
Wife: Well, this is his wife. Is he there?
Maid: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I assumed was his wife.
The wife is fuming. She says to the maid... Listen, would you like to make $50,000?
Maid: What will I have to do?
Wife: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot him and the woman he's with.
The maid puts the phone down.
The wife hears footsteps and the gunshots, then more footsteps.
Maid: What do I do with the bodies?
Wife: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming pool.
Maid: But there's no pool here.
(A long pause)
Wife: Is this 555-832-4821?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 27, 2015When I first got married I bought a book titled "101 Positions"
then I discovered my wife had bought a book titled "102 Excuses".ReactReply - KI
KilgoreTroutApr 2, 2015My wife came out of the shower and said, "I shaved down there. You know what that means?"
Husband said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyApr 3, 2015Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyApr 20, 2015A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight.
While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.
The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.
He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"
The cabby said, I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyApr 24, 2015Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.ReactReply - MEMemberJun 30, 2015I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said "nothing".The reason I said that instead of saying "just thinking" is because she would have asked, "about what".At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.Finally I thought about an age old question: "Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?"Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think It would be nice to have another kick in the nuts."I rest my case. Time for another beer.
PS: What deep thinkers we men are.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterAug 10, 2015A bank robber's mask falls off. He puts it back on and asks a man, "Did you see my face"? The man says "Yes", and the robber shoots him, He asks a woman, "How about you"?
"No, but my husband did."ReactReply