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ManOfWicklowOriginal Poster
Oct 29, 2011I'm not saying my wife is ugly, but I came home drunk the other night and made love to the bulldog.
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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyNov 26, 2011# 30
I always turn off my cell phone while making love.
My wife always calls at the wrong time.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 6, 2011# 31
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.ReactReply - MEMemberJan 30, 2012
My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine.
ReactReply - MEMemberJan 30, 2012
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 9, 2012
How can you tell if your wife is dead ? The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 9, 2012# 35
Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. Who cares, what was she doing out of the kitchen?ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 10, 2012
Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I only catch her in my pockets.
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 10, 2012
My wife really worships me, she puts burnt offerings in front of me every day.
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 10, 2012
My wife has a terrible memory, she never forgets anything.
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 11, 2012
My wife's teeth are like stars, they come out every night.
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 12, 2012[quote]
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.[/quote]
Yes, there's nothing worse than to have a lovely appetising starter, only to be let down by the main course.
44ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 12, 2012[quote]
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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# 44
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had the waitress.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 16, 2012# 45
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 16, 2012short wife joke.I married a midget.
#46ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 17, 2012# 47
My ex-wife failed to appear in divorce court time after time until my lawyer solved the problem;
he drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted, "I summon thee" three times.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 17, 2012[quote]# 47
My ex-wife failed to appear in divorce court time after time until my lawyer solved the problem;
he drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted, "I summon thee" three times.
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#48
Your wife must have been related to my mother-in-law.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 17, 2012# 49
My dog was barking at the back door and my wife was yelling at the front door,
I let the dog in first, I knew he would shut up when he came in.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 18, 2012# 50
Marriage is great, but I wouldn't recommend it to single people.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 18, 2012#51
New wives are like computers, they go down unexpectedly.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 20, 2012# 52
My was a great housekeeper. When we divorced, she kept the house.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 20, 2012#53
I thought I was safe marrying a dumb blonde, til I found she was a redhead in disguise.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 24, 2012#54
If your wife looks ugly when you wake up in the morning, you're not drinking enough.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 25, 2012# 51
Why is a wedding dress white?
So the dishwasher will match the oven and the fridge.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 26, 2012#52
What are the three words you dread most while making love ? ..................... " Oh honey, I'm home "ReactReply