Visit to the doctor.
Went to the doctor this week
She said to me:
work out at 2 hours a day.
Do not eat pork
Do not eat red meat
Do not use pepper and salt
Don’t eat acid fruits
No bread no pasta and no potato.
Stop drinking tea
Stop drinking coffee
Stop smoking
Stop drinking
So I stopped going to the doctors.
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A guy goes to the doctor in usa.
“hey doc , I have this thing on my thingy”
Hmm… the doctor looks at it and says: well , I am sorry to say , we have to cut half of it off .
The guy says: are you crazy??? Forget it , I want a second opinion.
Well , the guy goes and look around and hear on about a really good doctor in Venezuela.
He decides to go.
He gets to he doctor and shows him and then asks” doctor , the other doctor says we have to cut half off”.
The doctor looks , scratch his had and says:
Nahhh , what an idiot , give it a month and it will all fall off by itself…
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A guy goes to the doctor with a huge frog on his had.
Sits down and doesn’t speak.
The doctor waits a few minutes and then looks at the frog and asks:
Did you know you have grown human on your ass?
Replies
- T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 17, 2011Q: Why did they kick the midget out of the nudist colony?
A: He kept sticking his nose in everyone else's business!ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowAug 17, 2011Never stand naked in front of a hungry blind midget when hot dogs are cooking.
ReactReply - MEMemberOct 16, 2011
Women are like cellphones. They like to be held and talked to. However, pushing the wrong button will get you disconnected!
ReactReply - MEMemberOct 16, 2011
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it is quite the opposite. A woman having large breasts makes men stupid!
ReactReply - MEMemberOct 16, 2011Overheard recently:
My boyfriend is very upset! I told him not to sleep nude! My cat is very playful!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOct 23, 2011A woman was called in front of a Texas grand jury for manslaughter after
she shot a mugger 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse.
He grabbed the purse and ran, she had her hand on the gun in it, and was left with the revolver in her hand.
When asked by the grand jury why she shot the man 6 times in the back as he was running away, she replied under oath:
"Because when I pulled the trigger the 7th, 8th and 9th time it only went click, click, click!"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyNov 5, 2011Two women are at the water cooler, and the first one says,
"I've got a sore throat."
The second one says, "You know, whenever I have a sore throat,
I go home and give my husband a blow job, and it clears it right up. You should try it."
The next day they're at the water cooler again.
The second girl says, "It worked like a charm. I feel much better. You know,
your husband just couldn't believe it was your idea."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowNov 22, 2011(39)
What is the definition of suspicion ? A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.ReactReply - NO
NoneNov 23, 2011[quote]
The devil assigned him the usual punishment...put him in the mass pit where the heat was melting others. The devil came back sometime later surprised to find the Cajun just sitting around, not even misting, much less sweating. "How come you're not so much as sweating here where everyone else is screaming for relief from the heat?" The Cajun laughed and said, "Man, I was raised in the bayous of Sout Looziana. Dis ain't nothin' but May in Lafayette to me!"The devil decided to really put the Cajun through it. He put him in a sealed off cave in the pit with open blazes and four extra furnaces blasting. When he came back, days later, the Cajun was sitting pretty, had barely begun to bead up with sweat. The devil was outraged. "How is this possible!? You should be melted to a shrieking puddle in these conditions!."The Cajun kept grinning and asked, "Dis mean de Saints won da Super Bowl?"The Cajun laughed even harder than before. "Hey, man! I done tole you. I was raised in Sout Looziana.. You tink dis is heat?! Dis ain't nothin' but August in Jennings !" So the devil thought, 'Alright, a little reverse ought to do the trick.' He put the Cajun into a corner of hell where no heat ever reached. It was freezing and to add to the Cajun's misery, he added massive icebergs and blasting frozen air. When he returned, the Cajun was shivering, ice hung from every part of him but he was grinning like it was Christmas. Exasperated, the devil asked "HOW!? How is it possible?! You're impervious to heat and here you sit in conditions you can't be used to...freezing cold and yet you're happier than if you were in heaven. WHY?!"The Cajun kept grinning and asked, "Dis mean de Saints won da Super Bowl?"
When hell freezes over and I loved every minute of it. Go Saints.[/quote]ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyNov 24, 2011A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
Five minutes later,
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later,
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later,
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyNov 27, 2011Con Man Charged With Selling Eternal Youth Tablets
The police recently busted a man selling tablets he said gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fourth time he was
caught for doing this.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 14, 2011Patient: How much will it cost me to have this tooth extracted?
Dentist: $300
Patient: $300 for just a few minutes work, that expensive.
Dentist: O.K. I'll pull it out slowly if you prefer.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 14, 2011A woman was sipping a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says,
"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?"
She replies, "It's me ............... talking to the wine."..ReactReply - TE
terrynagesJan 11, 2012This should be understood by the Brits at least. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuffed under Antony Worrall-Thomson's coat.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJan 11, 2012[quote]This should be understood by the Brits at least. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuffed under Antony Worrall-Thomson's coat.[/quote]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084067/Antony-Worrall-Thompson-sorry-shoplifting-cheese-wine-Tesco.htmlReactReply