MA
ManOfWicklowOriginal Poster
May 7, 2012These two guys go out hunting and the one guy has a scope on his gun and he says to the other guy "Hey I can see your house through the scope and your wife cheating on you with another man!" So the other guy says "alright shoot her in the head and shoot him in the private parts." So the shooter says "Well I can get that in one shot."
ReactReplySubscribe
Replies
- T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneySep 29, 2013The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I answered,"Let's see 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 then you, 8,9,"ReactReply - NUnudecountry77Dec 10, 2013[quote]The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I answered,"Let's see 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 then you, 8,9,"
[/quote] and then she shot you in the arm, walked up to you and whispered something in your ear( i slept with your brother and cousins ) about the men she has slept with and walked out the door.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterDec 10, 2013I said to the chemist, 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said, 'Why?' I said, 'She keeps waking up.'ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterDec 12, 2013I said to the wife, 'I wish you wouldn't smoke in bed.' She said, 'But a lot of women do.' I said, 'Not bacon they don't.'ReactReply
- NUnudecountry77Dec 13, 2013
I don't have a wife, so i don't have any jokes!
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterDec 13, 2013All wives are not jokes.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 15, 2013Whenever my wife started to smoke, I slowed down.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterDec 16, 2013[quote]Whenever my wife started to smoke, I slowed down.[/quote]My wife complained her bed was too old: I gave her a new bale of straw.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterDec 19, 2013Man: My wife drives like lightning. Friend: You mean fast? Man: No, she hits treesReactReply
- RO
RobWDec 19, 2013Who's guilty here?
One night, from a deep sleep, a dreaming wife sits upright and screams "Quick! My husband just came home"!
Her husband, sleeping next to her immediately jumps up, grabs his pants and jumps out the window.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 19, 2013I took my wife to a wife swapping party. I was very disappointed. At end of the evening. Everyone insisted I had keep my own wife.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterDec 20, 2013Wanting to travel somewhere different,I asked my wife "how about Tijuana next week", "No" she replied "I don't take drugs"ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterMay 30, 2014A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyMay 30, 2014I overheard a friend telling his pal,
"I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?" the pal asked.
"Waiting for me to get home.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 1, 2014A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 1, 2014My wife thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJun 26, 2014My wife's such a lousy cook,I don't clean my teeth after dinner,I count them.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 26, 2014Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterJul 20, 2014If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.ReactReply
- NU
NudeJohnnyJul 21, 2014Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 21, 2014Q: What's the difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes?
A: If you tell the truth about your taxes, the IRS will still want to screw you.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterAug 1, 2015Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says,
"Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The wife chose to ignore the husband.
Later that night in bed Glenn was feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenieReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 3, 2015You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.
They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane ... only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterAug 10, 2015A married couple, both with cell phones were shopping, when he disappeared.
"Honey, where are you?"
"Do you know that jewelry store around the corner?"
"Yes"
"Where you fell in love with that diamond necklace."
"Yes, yes."
"The one I said I'd be buying you some day."
"Oh my goodness, YES."
"Well I'm in the bar next door."ReactReply