ME
MemberOriginal Poster
Dec 2, 2009The following was posted by me as a “comeback” to another “comeback” for one of my jokes.
It got buried down by other posts within the same day and never got to see the light of day…
Hope you’ll find it was worth posting again…
Any way , ill stop mumbling.
First of all: you women bare the blame for us having to wear clothing, it’s a shame and a burden you will have to carry all your life and pass it on to generations to come.
We forgave you for that and even one of us (Jesus) paid the ultimate price for that so you have to forgive us for anything we do. EVER!
Second: The following is a virtual “pick a fight” , just for fun , let it be clear : I love women’s.! ( not that way! , well yes that way but only my wife, the rest of you I love as a human being…).
Most of you I see as angels (but then again, daemons are angels gone bad… no? lol )
Now, lets get to business:
you WOMENS … even god got it wrong with you at the first time! ( Lilith )
The next episode took place about 4 years ago when we just moved to venezuela:
( in her defense , it was that time of the month so rationality goes out the door for 7 days.. we know…)
my wife comes to me at 08:00 pm ( !!!!!)” oh my god , I forgot to buy “always”
could you be nice and go get me some”
Me: ok , give me the name and model
She: no model , the ones I always use: “always”
Me: I don’t know them.
She: you see, you never pay attention to me.
Me: its 08:00 pm. Store closes at 09:00. You really want to get into that now???
She: no , ok , go , call me when you get there.
08:15. I am at the store, calling her.
Me: I am here.
She: good , did you get it?
Me: nop. There are 60 kinds.
She: no , the green ones.
Me: yes , ok , better now, only 20.
She: what do you mean 20 , cant you see the difrence? I have been using them for the last year! Cant you remember?
Me: nop. But I see where this is going. So you say , green always right?
She: yes.
Me: ok , let me check and see.
Hanging up.
I stand there for about 5 minutes staring at the shelf till the lady who promotes lipstick ( also , about 60 types) feels sorry for me and comes and say: do you need help?
Me: yesssssss please!
Well. Ok.
At 09:00 pm got home
Giving her the bag.
She: no! you cant do anything right! These are for daily use! I told you bandages.
Me: nop. You said “always” that’s “always” and its green.
She: yes but if I remember it at 08:00 pm and its so urgent you should know!, how cant you know???
Me: cause I don’t use them. Hence I DON’T KNOW , I even actually don’t want to know!
She: you don’t want to know????????????
Me: sorry. Yes I do.
She: and this has no wings!
Me: I agree , you said green!
She: yes but the green with wings!
Me: ah. I see.
She: I cant ask you for nothing. You don’t care about me anymore.
She ( yet): whats so hard about buying “always”
Me ( stupid): I bought “always”
She (angry): so why didn’t you buy the other kind.
Me ( more stupid ): cause you said “always” and then you said “green”. These are green always!
She: that’s exactly like with the pickles.
Me: pickles? You didn’t ask for pickles.
She: see? That’s exactly what I am talking about , you don’t pay attention!
Me: what?????
She: that’s exactly like when I sent you to by pickles when my mom came to dinner.
me: your mom? We are in Venezuela , she is in Israel!
She: yes! Remember? 10 years ago , when we just moved in together!
I rest my case!
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Replies
- MEMemberDec 2, 2009It's a good thing we're all so damn cute!
ReactReply - TH
ThomasDec 2, 2009[quote]It's a good thing we're all so damn cute![/quote]
LOL Jen, so trueReactReply - MEMemberNov 10, 2010Here is one for Women from Fl:Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different state: "Idaho. Nebraska, Florida, and New York! Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window! "What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan. "We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!" A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window. "What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Florida. "We have so many of these things in Nebraska", I am just sick of looking at them!" Inspired, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the New Yorker out!ReactReply
- MEMemberNov 13, 2010
lol, nudepops. Yes we are!
To remove the html code: Copy and paste from the original source into notepad, then copy and paste from notepad onto the forum. Not sure why this works, but it does. One of the many handy little tips I picked up from Phil.
JenReactReply - MEMemberNov 13, 2010[quote]lol, nudepops. Yes we are! To remove the html code: Copy and paste from the original source into notepad, then copy and paste from notepad onto the forum. Not sure why this works, but it does. One of the many handy little tips I picked up from Phil. Jen[/quote] Thanks for reminding Jen! I failed to do so again. I usually do in word, but had another "Senior moment" Yes, it usually cleans it up!ReactReply
- MEMemberNov 13, 2010
For you Jen.................. Just funnin around!
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says:
"So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her
so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you!
WOULD YOU SAY MY WIFE HAS ME TRAINED....LOL!ReactReply - SI
Simon-newNov 14, 2010This is some really funny stuff!!
ReactReply - MEMemberNov 14, 2010[quote]This is some really funny stuff!![/quote] There is a lot more posted elsewhere and more to come! I have been part of funny all my life as I love to joke and kid. Of course, when I was born, all my parents did was laugh also! So it has hung on for 64 yrs!ReactReply
- MEMemberNov 14, 2010
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.ReactReply - DE
DesertRatNov 16, 2010A WOMAN'S POEM
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
So I smacked the sh** out of him...
Like his mother used to do.ReactReply - DEDesertRatNov 16, 2010
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass.
I thought the results were pretty interesting.
85% of women think their ass is too big...
5% of women think their ass is too little...
The other 10% say that they don't care - they love him and would have married
him anyway.ReactReply - MEMemberNov 16, 2010[quote]lol, nudepops. Yes we are! To remove the html code: Copy and paste from the original source into notepad, then copy and paste from notepad onto the forum. Not sure why this works, but it does. One of the many handy little tips I picked up from Phil. Jen[/quote] Jen The reason why it works that way is because Notepad is totally barebones with no emulator for fonts, style, and document types. Wordpad which is also bundled with Microsoft products will allow some functionality but not much. Notepad is from the days of slow processors, little memory and slow Internet connections. Dare I date myself by thinking back to 1200 baud dial up modems and thinking they were fast.....LOL PeterReactReply
- DEDesertRatNov 18, 2010
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.ReactReply - MEMemberNov 24, 2010The following is a comprehensive Federal study, approved by the U S Attorney General! "EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN:ReactReply
- MEMemberDec 7, 2010
Another reason my wife won't go to a Nudist resort........She doesn't like to go anywhere where all women are wearing the same thing!
ReactReply - MEMemberDec 7, 2010
A friends wife wife won't go to a Nudist resort because she says her birthday suit has too much material!
ReactReply - MEMemberSep 6, 2011
The WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly...."
ReactReply - CO
Curt, or CowboySep 6, 2011[quote]The WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly...."[/quote] Somehow, methinks you're gonna pay for that one !ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowSep 6, 2011[quote]The WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly...."[/quote] Did they have their mouths taped up, ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha.ReactReply - MEMemberSep 8, 2011[quote][quote]The WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly...."[/quote] Somehow, methinks you're gonna pay for that one ![/quote] I have already paid the do's....lol!ReactReply
- MEMemberSep 8, 2011[quote][quote]The WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly...."[/quote] Did they have their mouths taped up, ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha.[/quote] HMMmmmm! That is something to think about!ReactReply
- T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 25, 2011As Adam and Eve were about to leave the Garden of Eden for the last time, God stepped back and admired his work:
"Adam you have a perfect physique, the strong but yet handsome features, the well balanced proportions,
I have to say, I am in awe with myself." Then he turned and looked at Eve.
After he had been studying her for a while he said: "Well, I guess you will have to wear make-up."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 22, 2012# 26
My wife told me to go to the doctor and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.
You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!
I found a new place to live the next day.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 24, 2012#27
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her.ReactReply