MA
ManOfWicklowOriginal Poster
Feb 22, 2012A wife arrived home late one night and quietly opened the bedroom door. On seeing four legs under the blanket instead of two, she picked up a baseball bat and started hitting the blanket as hard as she could. She then went to the kitchen for a drink and was surprised to see her husband sitting reading a magazine.
" Hi darling " says the husband, " Your parents have come to visit, so I said they could have our room, you don't mind do you "
" Hi darling " says the husband, " Your parents have come to visit, so I said they could have our room, you don't mind do you "
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- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 22, 2012
How do you get an Irishman to burn his ear ? Phone him when he's doing his ironing.
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 23, 2012
What do condoms and cameras have in common ? They both capture the moment.
ReactReply - T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 23, 2012# 4
I got even with my parents. They came to stay with me for the weekend in my home.
I made them sleep in separate bedrooms.
My mother said, "What? Are you crazy? I've been sleeping with this man for years."
I replied, "Look, I don't care what you do on the outside. But when you're in my house....
MY rules apply!ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 23, 2012I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
#5ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 23, 2012#7
A blonde and a brunette are walking in the park. The brunette notices a dead bird. "Awwwww look at that dead birdie" she says sadly. The blonde stops, looks up into the sky and says "where, where"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 24, 2012#8
Paddy and Murphy went fishing, but forgot to take any equipment with them. " Don't worry" said Murphy " Hold me by the ankles over this bridge and I'll shout for you to pull me up when I catch a fish" So Paddy holds Murphy upside down over the bridge. A couple of minutes later, Murphy shouts " Quick, quick, pull me up " " Have you caught a fish " asked Paddy, " No " says Murphy " There's a bloody train coming "ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 24, 2012# 9
In Doctor Lawrence Wilson's article YOGA AND ITS DANGERS he states,
"Yoga, as practiced today in almost all cases and areas of the world,
is not recommended at all for those seeking to improve their health."
The article has many yoga practitioners upset.
Well at least it is easy for them to get bent out of shape.
{Did you ever wonder why all Yoga Studios smell the way they do?}
Want to know?
While lying on your back slowly bring both of your knees slowly to your chest. oops
Repeat. oops.
30 or 40 people doing the same thing day in and day out.
Breathe deep y'allReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 25, 2012#10
Why do farts stink ?................................So that deaf people won't feel left out.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 25, 2012# 11
Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 25, 2012#12
What's the difference between kinky and perverted ? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend's ass with a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 25, 2012# 13
After a divorce falling in love again is hard to do.
Its kind of like believing in Santa Claus again.
You can do it but you have to forget a lot of facts.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 25, 2012#14
Two straight guys, a gay guy and their partners were all drowned when the ship they were on,sank. They're all waiting at the gates of heaven and Saint Peter says to the first straight guy " I can't let you in, you loved money too much. You loved it so much that you even married a woman named Penny.
Then Saint Peter says to the second straight guy " Sorry, but you can't come in either. You loved food too much. You loved food so much, you even married a woman called Candy.
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered " It doesn't look good, Dick "ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 25, 2012# 15
I saw a fortune teller last week.
She told me I would come into some money.
Next night I was in bed with a girl named Penny.
Is that spooky or what?ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 26, 2012#16
A fortune teller told me I would never have to worry about money. She was right, Iv'e lost everything, so now have no money to worry about.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 26, 2012# 17
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 26, 2012[quote]# 17
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
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Ha,ha, now THAT, is good. At last I am able to smile.
You're up very late my friend, it must be nearly 3 in the morning where you are.
#18ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 26, 2012#19
Scientists have just discovered that beer containes traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they gave 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 26, 2012[quote][quote]# 17
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
[/quote]
Ha,ha, now THAT, is good. At last I am able to smile.
You're up very late my friend, it must be nearly 3 in the morning where you are.
#18[/quote]I hope you realize I was not ignoring you. I signed off after I posted the joke. I did not see your response until just now. 3:50 pm Sunday.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 26, 2012[quote]How do you get an Irishman to burn his ear ? Phone him when he's doing his ironing.[/quote]# 21
He'll burn the other ear if you call a second time.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 27, 2012#22
What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his backside..............................A taffy apple.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 27, 2012[quote]#22
What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his backside..............................A taffy apple.[/quote]Again, I have no idea what this means.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 27, 2012[quote][quote]#22
What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his backside..............................A taffy apple.[/quote]Again, I have no idea what this means.
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Sorry my friend, I often forget about the different usage of words for certain things in the USA
A common name for a Welshman isTaffy,and what you call acandy apple, we call,toffee apple.
So now, give it a little thought and it should raise a smile.
#24ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 27, 2012#25
Let me know if you manage to get the apple one.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 27, 2012# 26
Now I understand the joke, but why is Taffy a common name for a Welshman?ReactReply