font size="2"On their wedding night, the young bride Jodie, approached her new Husband Marvin and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, Marvin readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find Marvin in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that CalTrans was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid Anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, Jodie handed him a bank book which showed more than Thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, Marvin was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my Business!
That's when she shot him. You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their Mouths shut.
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- SWSwifthawkOriginal PosterOct 28, 2008
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards.'
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?'
'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of
headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.'
'Oh, OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'
I LOVE THIS ONE...........
She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!'
FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!ReactReply - SWSwifthawkOriginal PosterNov 3, 2008LMAO! Good ones guys and thanks for adding them. Now that my joke supply will be rather limited, I will be hard pressed finding new material. However, where there is a way, there is a will...or something like that.
ReactReply - PH
PhilfreeeukNov 7, 2008This joke was brought to you Courtesy of, ......1cool1. hehe.
RNNR Alfred Young Jock McTavish from Glasgow went to study at a university in England and was living in the hall of residence.
After a week his mother rang him. "How do you get along with the other students, Jock?" she asked. "Well," he replied, "they are terribly noisy people. The one on one side keeps banging his head on the wall. The one on the other side screams all night." "Oh Jock!" said his mother. "How do you manage to put up with such noisy neighbours?"
"I don't do anything. I just sit here quietly, playing my bagpipes!"ReactReply - TH
ThomasMar 2, 2009So funny -new blonde joke
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says
"Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident".
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible!!! So
many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and
there is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a
Brazilian"?ReactReply - PHPhilfreeeukMar 2, 2009[quote]So funny -new blonde joke A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident". The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!" Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian"?[/quote] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I didn't get it for about a minute, had to read it three times, then suddenly, the penny dropped! hahaha, thanks Tom! good one!ReactReply
- TI
tim1954Mar 2, 2009HA HA HA HA NOW THATS FUNNY WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY WHEN SHE FOUND OUT SHE WAS PREGNAT IS IT MINE
ReactReply - MEMemberMar 2, 2009
HAHAHAHA....Phil, are you sure you're not a naturally born blond?
ReactReply - PHPhilfreeeukMar 2, 2009[quote]Two cannibals were sitting around a fire one evening sharpening there knives when the second canibal asks the first why he was looking sick. 1st cannibal replied, "I haven't been feeling good the last couple of days." 2nd cannibal, "Do you think it might have been something you ate?" 1st cannibal, "No, I don't think so, although I did eat an old priest the other day.....I haven't felt good since." 2nd cannibal, "Well, how did you cook him?" 1st cannibal, "Well, I boiled him as usual." 2nd cannibal, "describe him to me." 1st cannibal, "well, he was short, plump, had on a brown robe, and a balding spot in the back of his head." 2nd cannibal, "ah hah, now that was your problem! You cooked him wrong. He wasn't a priest, he was a fryer!" I know a little corny, but I got a good laugh the first time I heard it.[/quote] HAHAHAHAHAHA! ...........THANKS!ReactReply
- PHPhilfreeeukMar 2, 2009[quote]HAHAHAHA....Phil, are you sure you're not a naturally born blond? [/quote] Grey would probably be nearer the mark, but the end result is most likely the same :)ReactReply
- GE
George_in_WVMar 3, 2009Little Ralphie had a very dirty mind and the teacher did not like to call on him in class. One day she was going over the alphabet and asked if anyone in the class could give her a word that began with the letter A and then use it in a sentence. Many of the students, including Ralph, raised their hands. The teacher thought to herself and knowing a some dirty words that began with the letter A called on one of the other students. "Mary can you give me word beginning with A?" she asked.
Mary relied "A, Apple, Today my mother gave me an apple"
The teacher replied that that was very good and then asked for the letter B
Again a number of students (including Ralph) waved their hands. The teacher thinking of dirty words beginning with B called on Frankie who replied "B, Boat, Last weekend my father took me out on a Boat"
The teacher replied that that was very good and then asked for the letter C
This continued to until she got to the letter R. By then she had called on most of the class members except Ralphie who was still waving madly after each letter.
The teacher thought and could not come up with a dirty word beginning with R and thinking it would be then safe called on Ralphie.
Ralphie stood up and replied "R, Rat, Yesterday I saw this big f***ing rat"ReactReply - PHPhilfreeeukMay 2, 2009Have you seen this? my first reaction was ........Oooooooooo! that's not really appropriate for the gallery. But then I thought, it's not occurred to me before, but it must be true, and it might warn off a few women and save them some pain, though I'm sure that it would occur to the more well endowed, before they jumped. You have gotta laugh, but it's horrible really.http://www.truenudists.com/gallery/index.php?idpic=2241Phil.
EDIT:
Since the site changes, this link now goes to the wrong pic. It should have gone to a cartoon of a well endowled female nudist, bungee jumping. I'm sure you can imaging the sceen! :)ReactReply - MEMemberMay 2, 2009[quote]Have you seen this? my first reaction was ........Oooooooooo! that's not really appropriate for the gallery. But then I thought, it's not occurred to me before, but it must be true, and it might warn off a few women and save them some pain, though I'm sure that it would occur to the more well endowed, before they jumped. You have gotta laugh, but it's horrible really.http://www.truenudists.com/gallery/index.php?idpic=2241Phil.[/quote]
LOL!!!! (and all this time, I thought it was my fear of heights and thoughts of imminent death that kept me away from bungees) Okay, need to go put a sports bra on now, the twins are feeling sore after looking at that!
JenReactReply
- GEGeorge_in_WVMay 7, 2009
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter’s helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look . . . “That sure is a nice fire truck” the firefighter said with admiration.
“Thanks” the girl replied.
The fire fighter looked a litter closer, and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles. . .
“Little partner” the firefighter said, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you would go faster”.
The little girl replied thoughtfully, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren”.ReactReply - PHPhilfreeeukAug 27, 2009Two priests decided to go to Florida on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals and sunglasses. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their “tourist” garb. They were sitting on beach chairs enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' naked blonde came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde got closer she said, “Good morning, Father . . . Good morning, Father,” addressing each of them individually. Then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? The next day they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down on the beach to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while the same gorgeous blonde, stark naked and taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she greeted each of them saying, “Good morning, Father . . . Good morning, Father,” and then started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, “Just a minute, young lady.” “Yes, Father?” We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know; how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?” She replied, “Father, it's me—Sister Kathleen!” You just never know who you might bump into on a nudist beech! Hope this brought a smile to your day. Phil.ReactReply
- THThomasSep 8, 2009
ops
ReactReply - MEMemberSep 9, 2009
LOL, Tx...clean it up and repost...please?
ReactReply - DAdarleneDec 7, 2009Those are some really funny jokes. Thanks for giving me a good laugh! Regards, DarlenePlacement financierReactReply