"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 26, 2018H202 VS H2OTwo chemists walk into a bar. The first says, Can I have a glass of H2O. The second chemist says Can I have a glass of water too. The first chemist broke down in tears his assassination attempt had failed.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 1, 2018"I bought a racehorse today." "Oh, really? What is the horse's name, gender, timing, and what are you going to do with him?? "I've decided to call him 'My Face.' He is male, runs a mile in just under a minute. I don't care if he doesn't win a race or if he makes me any money." "Then why'nthehell did ya buy him?? I just want to hear thousands of those uppity posh bitches at the race course shouting: 'Come on, My Face!' GOD I'd love to hear that!"ReactReply
- MA
ManOfWicklowNov 1, 2018What if birds arent singing and theyre screaming because they are afraid of the heights?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 4, 2018Wife: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit and Trix were only supposed to be for kids." Husband: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person." [A period of silence -- the wife looks down at her food.] Husband: "What's wrong?" Wife: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 7, 2018
Doctor: How many drinks per week?
Me: How should I know? I'm an alcoholic, not an accountant.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 7, 2018Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents! Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 16, 2018
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/09/07/study-two-thirds-millenials-sleep-nude/1225852002/
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 30, 2018Sometimes as Im browsing through a book store Ill find a book that I have read. I glance through it. I see old friends. Im happy to have seen them. Im smiling as place the book back on the shelf.ReactReply
- BB
Bill BowserNov 30, 2018The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
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As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
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He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
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After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
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He said, Im very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed your What Would Jesus Do bumper sticker, the Choose Life license plate holder, the Follow Me to Sunday-School bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ..
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I assumed you had stolen the car.
.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 1, 2018[quote]The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup..As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell..After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects..He said, Im very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed your What Would Jesus Do bumper sticker, the Choose Life license plate holder, the Follow Me to Sunday-School bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ...I assumed you had stolen the car..[/quote]
[em][strong][LIKE Post # 1463] LOL[/strong][/em]ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 13, 2018A woman sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "No, go right ahead," the woman replies. The man stands and clears his throat, then says "Plethora" and sits back down. "Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 14, 2018There were two old men sitting on a park bench. A blonde woman walks by. One old man says to the other one, "Ever sleep with a blonde?" The other old man says, "Many a time. Many a time." A brunette then walks by. The old man says to the other, "Ever sleep with a brunette?" The other old man says, "Many a time. Many a time." A redhead walks by, and the old man says to the other, "Ever sleep with a redhead?" The other old man says, "Not a wink."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 14, 2018[quote]Sometimes as I'm browsing through a book store I'll find a book that I have read. I glance through it. I see old friends. I'm happy to have seen them. I'm smiling as I place the book back on the shelf.[/quote]ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 28, 2018Yesterday ,12-26-2019, As I walked through the kitchen area I heard a coin land on the floor. I stopped and looked down. I found a penny lying there. Where did it come from?
[em][strong]
SORRY FOR THE TYPO --- THE CORRECT DATE IS 12-26-2018[/strong][/em]ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowDec 28, 2018Sometimes thoughts are worth far more than a penny.ReactReply
- KO
KohaanJan 10, 2019Some people who are paid a penny for their thoughts are grossly overpaid. ;-)
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 16, 2019A lassie got married in Leicester. Her mother kissed her as she blessed her. Said she, "you're in luck, He's a bloody good fuck, For I've screwed him myself down in Chester.ReactReply
- LA
Lakeman221Jan 16, 2019[quote]Yesterday ,12-26-2019, As I walked through the kitchen area I heard a coin land on the floor. I stopped and looked down. I found a penny lying there. Where did it come from?[/quote] The mint where it was made.ReactReply - LALakeman221Jan 16, 2019[quote]Yesterday ,12-26-2019,?[/quote] That is almost a year into the future since today is 01-16-2019.ReactReply
- BBBill BowserJan 16, 2019
It was about 2:00 a.m. one night when a man was pulled over by the police for a minor traffic infraction. When asked where he was going at that hour, the man said he was on his way to a lecture about the evils of alcohol, smoking, and staying out late at night.
The somewhat skeptical police officer then asked who might be giving such a lecture in the wee hours of the morning.
The man replied, That would be my wife.
The officer let him go.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 16, 2019[quote]Yesterday ,12-26-2019,? That is almost a year into the future since today is 01-16-2019.[/quote]
[em][strong]
SORRY FOR THE TYPO --- THE CORRECT DATE IS 12-26-2018[/strong][/em]ReactReply - GA
GarryJan 22, 2019There is a video in my profile media section that will hopefully make you smile. It looks like a female breast from the side but if you watch the video you will find things are not always what they look like.
ReactReply - BBBill BowserFeb 7, 2019
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks Why in the world are you walking around like this?
The cowboy says, Well its like this Sheriff I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt So I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.So I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shortsso I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, Now go to town, cowboy.
So here I am.
ReactReply - GR
GregFeb 7, 2019Q: Why is it you never see bicycles standing up without a kick stand?
A: Because they are too tired... Bada-boom-dish-da! DAD Jokes FTW!
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