"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
Replies
- KO
KohaanNov 11, 2017Did the guy who invented the Mobius Strip ever have a sense of Deja vu? ;-)
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 11, 2017Deja clue:The feeling that colonel mustard has done it in the billiard room with the lead pipe before.ReactReply
- DD
Dancin' Dan (prone to dance)Dec 2, 2017that got a chuckle! thx for sharing.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 10, 2017
I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond?
My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a fancy dinner when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, Does this dress look bad on me?
If I had said no in a nanosecond, wed have been out the door. However, since I took a split second before responding, she had to go back up to her closet to change, again.ReactReply - LA
Lakeman221Dec 10, 2017[quote] My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a fancy dinner when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, Does this dress look bad on me?[/quote] Best answer in this case is to say ALL dresses look bad on you, you look better naked. Then see what she does about it.ReactReply - KOKohaanDec 15, 2017
I used to be a radio announcer... every time I walked under a bridge, I lost my voice ;-)
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 17, 2017
A man brought some prescription tablets and started cutting off the edges.
Do you know why?
He wanted to avoid the side effects.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 22, 2017Ladies, do you want to make his Christmas unforgettable?1. Trim his tree. 2. Lick his luscious candy cane. 3. Be his "ho-ho-ho" for the holidays. 4. Polish his Christmas balls. 5. Ride him like a reindeer. 6. Taste his sweet egg-nog. 7. Deck the halls with moans of pleasure. 8. Fa, la, la, latio - la, la, la, la. 9. Spark his menorah with a hot strip tease. 10. Request a stiff stocking stuff-her! 11. Make his Kris Kringle tingle. 12. Gift wrap yourself in sexy lingerie. 13. Unwrap his package. 14. Hang mistletoe from any place you want kissed. 15. Rock his jingle bells in the frosty air. 16. Make your Rudolph's hose as red as his nose. 17. Heat him up with a snow job. 18. Give the Christmas carolers a show of your own. 19. Dress up as Santa's nasty little helper. 20. Make sure you're naughty, so it's nice.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 25, 2017Why do the bad guys, kidnappers, embezzlers, blackmailers, etcetera, on Law & Order, Law & Order C.I., and Law & Order SVU deposit their ill-gotten gains into their bank accounts? Why do most of the bodies on Bones have something with a serial number on it? If a seed or a bug is found at a crime scene how come it could only come from one location in the whole wide world?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 4, 2018A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic so he can cross the road. A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."ReactReply
- MA
MarengoJan 6, 2018Thomas, keep em coming. those last two at least deserve a sincere moan. thanks for the chuckle.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 6, 2018I happened to meet a marriage broker while drinking at a local bar. When he heard I was divorced, He said, Dont let it get too late. I have exactly the woman you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" "Don't bother," I replied "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs....I am happy with that arrangement." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'.... I didn't say they were mine!"ReactReply
- KOKohaanJan 14, 2018The only difference betweenSUCCESSandfailureis...WHENyou quit. ;-)ReactReply
- PA
PaulJan 18, 2018Year end statistics on Airport pat-down screening from the Atlanta airport TSA office:
Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Incontinence 6,418
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 159,350
Natural Blondes 3I think it's a hoax, there aren't that many natural blondes in Georgia!
ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowMar 30, 2018The Boston Globe reported that according to his campaign staff, Donald Trump wouldn't take any vacations as president. That's because he has offended so many other countries he can't leave this one.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 6, 2018Three racehorses standing around started arguing. The first said, Ive won 15 out of 20 of my races! The second said, Yeah, well Ive won 29 out of 30 of my races! The third said, Yeah, well Ive won 39 out of 40 of my races! Then, a greyhound came up and said, Oh yeah! Well, Ive won 99 out of 100 of my races! The horses glared in amazement. Wow! A talking greyhoundReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 6, 2018Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 12, 2018If I were a breast implant plastic surgeon I would put a squeaky tool in every boob.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 12, 2018[quote]If I were a breast implant plastic surgeon I would put a squeaky tool in every boob.[/quote]I just choked on my cup of tea, reading this. You've put a smile on my face for the rest of the day.ReactReply
- RT
Reuben TitusApr 28, 2018Q; What did the sun say to the nude beach goer?
A: "i'm gonna tan yer hide"
ReactReply - LALakeman221May 4, 2018
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony.The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 4, 2018
LOL
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 6, 2018
I just read this: " Security firm Splashdata, which every year compiles a list of the most common stolen passwords, found that '123456' was the most common password in 2017."
Am I the only one wondering how Splasdata got everyone's Passwords in the first place and what they might be doing with that information??ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 6, 2018[quote]I just read this: " Security firm Splashdata, which every year compiles a list of the most common stolen passwords, found that '123456' was the most common password in 2017." Am I the only one wondering how Splasdata got everyone's Passwords in the first place and what they might be doing with that information??[/quote]Yes indeed, what do they do with the information? They don't spend time on something, unless they're going to make money from it. Also, it's unbelievable how stupid some people are when thinking of a password to use. I have installed many security alarms for customers over the past 30 years, and it's amazing how many use '1234' as their Entry Code.ReactReply