Add a Joke in Sequential Order

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 26, 2013

  An American business mantakes a short business trip to Japan. He arrives on a Sunday night, with meetings on that Tuesday. Since he is in a foreign land, and is bored with nothing to do, he calls up a prostitute service. A Japanese woman arrives at the door with in the hour, and the two proceed to have sex with eachother. The woman is on top, and the entire time all she says is "hoshimoto." The man doesn't know what to think, since he doesn't understand what she's saying, but the woman appears to be having a good time, so they continue. After the climax, the man pays the woman and she leaves. The next day, the American decides to play golf with some of the Japanese people he will be meeting with the next day. The round is relatively standard except for the 18th hole. When it is the American man's turn to drive, he hits a hole in one. All the Japanese people start yelling in celebration, and the American doesn't know what to say, so he says the first Japanese word that pops into his head, "hoshimoto." One of the Japanese business men looks at him, and in a thick accent says: "What do you mean, 'wrong hole?'"
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  An American business manwas in India. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Bhoolbhoolaiya, Bhoolbhoolaiya!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Indian counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Bhoolbhoolaiya". The Indian clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole.
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 26, 2013

  An American business man was inIndia. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Bhoolbhoolaiya, Bhoolbhoolaiya!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Indian counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Bhoolbhoolaiya". The Indian clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole.
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  A foreign tourist inIndiahired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build. Twenty years,? replied the guide. "You Indians are a lazy lot" the tourist said. In my country, this could have been built in five. At Agra he admired the Taj's beauty and asked how many years it took to build. "Only ten years" said the guide. The tourist retorted: "You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half.? In this fashion, the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: "I don't know. It wasn't there yesterday evening."

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 26, 2013

  A foreign touristin India hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build. Twenty years,? replied the guide. "You Indians are a lazy lot" the tourist said. In my country, this could have been built in five. At Agra he admired the Taj's beauty and asked how many years it took to build. "Only ten years" said the guide. The tourist retorted: "You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half.? In this fashion, the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: "I don't know. It wasn't there yesterday evening."
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  A foreign touristis traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Inca temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details.
  To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures.
  The tourist then queries how old the temple is.
  "This temple is 553 years old", replies the guide.
  Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.
  "Easy", replies the guide, "my first day here the archaeologists said the temple was 550 years old, and that was three years ago"
  
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 27, 2013

  A foreign tourist is traveling with aguidethrough one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Inca temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details.
  To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures.
  The tourist then queries how old the temple is.
  "This temple is 553 years old", replies the guide.
  Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.
  "Easy", replies the guide, "my first day here the archaeologists said the temple was 550 years old, and that was three years ago"
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  A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around theguidewho says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
  A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
  "1215," answers the guide.
  The man looks at his watch and says, "Damn! Just missed it by a half hour!"
  
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 27, 2013

  A bus load oftourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
  A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
  "1215," answers the guide.
  The man looks at his watch and says, "Damn! Just missed it by a half hour!"
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  A bus load ofpoliticians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
  A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
  The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 27, 2013

  A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
  A few days later,the local sheriffcame out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
  The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
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  The local sheriffwas looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, went in to try out for the job.
  "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
  "11" he replied.
  The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but, in one way, he's right."
  "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
  "Today and tomorrow."
  He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
  "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
  Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
  "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
  So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 27, 2013

  The local sheriff was looking fora deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, went in to try out for the job.
  "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
  "11" he replied.
  The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but, in one way, he's right."
  "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
  "Today and tomorrow."
  He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
  "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
  Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
  "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
  So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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  A deputypolice officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
  Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist - probably better than Houdini."
  The giant nodded.
  "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
  Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
  "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
  "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 27, 2013

  A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
  Saidthe policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist - probably better than Houdini."
  The giant nodded.
  "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
  Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
  "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
  "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
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  A man was driving to work when a box fell off the back of a lorry in front of him. The box burst open and spread upholstery tacks all over the road. The man swerved violently but fortunately managed to avoid the tacks and any punctures. Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. "I'm sorry sir,"the policemantold the driver, "I am going to have to write you a ticket for that." Amazed, the driver asked "what for?"
  The policeman replied, "Tacks evasion

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 27, 2013

  A manwas driving to work when a box fell off the back of a lorry in front of him. The box burst open and spread upholstery tacks all over the road. The man swerved violently but fortunately managed to avoid the tacks and any punctures. Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. "I'm sorry sir," the policeman told the driver, "I am going to have to write you a ticket for that." Amazed, the driver asked "what for?"
  The policeman replied, "Tacks evasion.
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  Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet.
  Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your roost?"
  The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
  "What happened then?" they ask.
  "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight likea man.'"
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 27, 2013

  Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet.
  Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your roost?"
  The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, mywifecame to me on her hands and knees."
  "What happened then?" they ask.
  "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'
  
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  The man tells his doctor that hiswifehasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
  
  When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
  
  "For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
  
  The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"
  
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 27, 2013

  The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
  
  When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
  
  "For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so thecab driveralways asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
  
  The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"
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  Acab driverreaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
  
  Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
  
  The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"
  
  St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 28, 2013

  A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
  
  Next in line is apreacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
  
  The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"
  
  St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
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  After the church service a little boy told thepreacher, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.”"Well, thank you,” the preacher replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.”

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 28, 2013

  After the church service a little boy told the preacher, When I grow up, Im going to give you some money."Well, thank you, the preacher replied, but why? Because mydaddysays you're one of the poorest preachers weve ever had.
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  "Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old son asked.
  It was a moment for which his father had carefully prepared. He took him into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought he should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions. Then, his dad sat back and smiled contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" his father asked.
  "Not really," the little boy said, "Michael said he came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 29, 2013

  A New Jerseyite was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
  When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
  "Hey, what the hell is this?" he snapped at the judge.
  His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
  Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:
  "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
  Theyoung manreplied, "Yeah, Yeah, I know. I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
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  Ayoung manwas seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
  "What's the matter?" he was asked.
  He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
  "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
  "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor.
  
  
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 29, 2013

  A young man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
  "What's the matter?" he was asked.
  He said, "I heard thenursesay, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
  "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
  "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor.
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  Three nurses died & went to heaven where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
  To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?"
  "I was anursein an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children."
  "Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the gates she went.
  To the next, he asked the same question, "So what did you do on Earth?"
  "I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love."
  "How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went.
  He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?" After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an H.M.O." St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also."
  "Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in."
  "Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 29, 2013

  Three nurses died & went to heaven where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
  To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?"
  "I was a nurse in an inner cityhospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children."
  "Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the gates she went.
  To the next, he asked the same question, "So what did you do on Earth?"
  "I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love."
  "How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went.
  He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?" After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an H.M.O." St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also."
  "Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in."
  "Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."
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  A man staggers into ahospitalwith concussion, Multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
  The doctor asked "What happened to you?"
  "Well I was playing Golf with my wife when we sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cows fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours', I don't remember much after that ..."
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 29, 2013

  520 Posts and 1488 Views.
  I view - then  post.
  You view  -  then post.
  Seems no one else even reads the jokes.
  I'm bored.
  I'm done with this thread.
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 29, 2013

  There is nothing wrong with the threads. Many people here must lead a very dull and unimaginative life.

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jun 29, 2013

  The many people here leading a very dull and unimaginative life are not spending their time reading these jokes.
  
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Jun 30, 2013

  That is because many cannot read,they are here to lust over pictures.

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