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ManOfWicklowOriginal Poster
Aug 23, 2012An Alcoholic, a Chain Smoker and a Homosexual go to the doctor.
The doctor says: "If any of you indulge one more time you'll die."
As they walk home they pass a bar. The Alcoholic has a shot of whiskey, falls off his stool stone cold dead. His friends are shocked.
As they walk along they come upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground still burning. The Homosexual looks at the Chain Smoker and says: "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead!"
The doctor says: "If any of you indulge one more time you'll die."
As they walk home they pass a bar. The Alcoholic has a shot of whiskey, falls off his stool stone cold dead. His friends are shocked.
As they walk along they come upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground still burning. The Homosexual looks at the Chain Smoker and says: "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead!"
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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyNov 1, 2015[quote]I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodingers Cat ?
She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there of not.[/quote]LOLReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyNov 5, 2015I went to the drug store today. The Pharmacist handed me my medication and said "Take these pills as often as you
can get the cap off."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterDec 4, 2015A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.The doctor replies, 'Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.'The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?' Denise.''Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?''Denephew.'ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 22, 2015I wonder do batteries feel lonely when they are not included.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterDec 31, 2015Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off, one drive goes to the right, and one drive goes to the left. One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercups. Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag, looks at her, and says: "I am Mother Nature, and I do not like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?" "It's over here in the pussy willows." She screams back, "Whatever you do, DON'T HIT THE BALL!"ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJan 4, 2016[quote]Ursa walks into a bar.
She ask the bartender for a drink.
He replies" sorry we dont serve minors here".[/quote]Very good.ReactReply - NCNick CostelloJan 25, 2016[quote]I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodingers Cat ?
She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there of not.[/quote]That is funny. I wonder how many really understand the joke?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJan 26, 2016A woman in Brazil is considering suing a zoo after a monkey threw a rock at her and hit her in the head.
She wants to sue the zoo. I think she is pretty serious too.
In fact, she went right into the reptile house and hired a lawyer.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterFeb 7, 2016A policeman sent his wife and child to a sea resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love with his wife.
"No darling, we can't do it here, what if the kid wakes up?"
"You are right, lets go to the beach."
They went to the empty beach and start to make love. All of a sudden, a policeman run into them.
"Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can't do that in public."
"You are right", said the husband, "but it was a moment of weakness. We didn't see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me."
"Don't worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it."ReactReply - KO
KohaanFeb 13, 2016If politicians were naked... could they still hide the truth?
ReactReply - KOKohaanFeb 13, 2016[quote] [quote]I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodingers Cat ?
She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there of not.[/quote] That is funny. I wonder how many really understand the joke?
[/quote] It would bereallyfunny if the librarian's name was Heisenberg, wouldn't it? xDReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 13, 2016[quote] [quote] [quote]I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodingers Cat ?
She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there of not.[/quote] That is funny. I wonder how many really understand the joke?
[/quote] It would bereallyfunny if the librarian's name was Heisenberg, wouldn't it? xD
[/quote]Well she was uncertain of the availability of the book.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyFeb 20, 2016A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed....
When the couple finished, the doctor said,
"There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the man replied.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.ReactReply - KOKohaanMar 4, 2016
Do nudists play DRESS poker? ;-) ... The looser has to put ON an article of clothing!
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyMar 4, 2016The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterMar 4, 2016[quote]The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
[/quote]And then he was known as Sir LaughalotReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterMar 4, 2016[quote]The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
[/quote]And then he was known as Sir LaughalotReactReply - KOKohaanMar 17, 2016Definition -Goblet: a small turkey :-) . . . speaking of that... does eating turkey leave a foul taste in your mouth? ;-pReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyMar 17, 2016A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi,
two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant,
a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman,
a Polish guy, and a Scotsman walked into a bar.
The bartender said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyMar 18, 2016[quote]Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The Bartender asks, "Olive or Twist"[/quote]Love it.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOriginal PosterMar 18, 2016Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."ReactReply
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EDec 20, 2016In Sweden, the Swedish Heisenberg society have meetings every second tuesday or at the Royal Science Society. [quote]I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov'sDog and Schrodingers Cat ?Shesaid it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there ofnot. That is funny. I wonder how many really understand the joke? It would be really funny if the librarian's name was Heisenberg, wouldn't it? xD Well she was uncertain of the availability of the book.[/quote]ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyDec 20, 2016Some jerk cut me off and almost caused an accident. I called him Oedipus. He smiled; I guess he never studied Greek MythologyReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJan 2, 2017[strong]Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty.
"Who's been eating my Porridge?!!," he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells,
"For Heavens sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the table, it was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box,and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-butts downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time.
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE @@@@@@@ PORRIDGE YET !!"[/strong]ReactReply