Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 15, 2011A husband says to his wife, "what would you do if I won Lotto?"
She says, "I'd take my half of the money & leave you."
"Excellent," he replies,
"I won 12 bucks, here's $6 - now pack your shit and get out!"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 17, 2011
I've been in love with the same woman for 38 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
ReactReply - DI
dicemanAug 17, 2011[quote]3 things come to mind when i think of marriage: 1. A man is incomplete until he's married...once he's married, he'd FINISHED 2. Along with marriage come WOMAN'S CHARTER - this is THE KILLER of men - its a lifetime thingy - it may keep coming back, over the remaining years of your life, to haunt you. 20 years after your divorced, you win the lottery (sole winner) and she still has the right to claim half of your winnings. Bottomline, you are tied to her for life (unless she is remarried). 3. The scorn of a woman is worst than the sting of a scopion Think before you take the leap in your marital status[/quote] You are right my friend. The scorpion won't make a pimple on her naked ...... toeReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 17, 2011
Man is better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner
ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowAug 17, 2011Give a woman money and she'll soon spend it. Give a woman a husband and he is soon spent.
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowAug 18, 2011
Oops ! error. I must have caught NIM's twitchy finger.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 18, 2011
Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide.
The first one says to the other, "Sorry about that, I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t watching where I was going."
The second guy says, "What a coincidence, I’m looking for my wife too, and I’m getting a little desperate."
The first guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"
The second guy answers, "She’s tall, with red hair, wet blue eyes, long legs, big firm breasts, and a tight butt.
What does your wife look like?"
The first guy replies, "Never mind, let's look for yours."ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyAug 18, 2011
Just because
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 18, 2011
A wife says to her husband, “You’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back".
He says, “What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair".ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 18, 2011
A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary.
She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: "Bernie is dead."
The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words."
The woman answered, "OK. Then print: “Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyAug 19, 2011
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.
"I think there's water in the carburetor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburetor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneySep 2, 2011
My ex-wife was very, very jealous. Sometimes she would be walking down the
street and see a beautiful woman and think to herself:
"I'll bet Tom would like to sleep with her" and she would get SO ANGRY.
She would run right home and smack me, and say,
"How much more of this do you think I can take?"
Please note: I said EX-wife.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneySep 9, 2011
Hugh Hefner introduced a new magazine for married men;
the foldout centerspread displays the same woman month after month after month.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowSep 18, 2011ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowSep 18, 2011ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneySep 30, 2011
My ex-wife was so cold that when you spread her legs a little white light came on!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOct 7, 2011My ex-wife and I were astrologically incompatible. I'm a Leo, she was a PsychoReactReply
- MEMemberOct 7, 2011My ex wife and I had Religious differences. She worshiped Money, and I didn't have enough!ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOct 23, 2011A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given
an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.
The husband stood up and shrugged saying,"This doesn't feel so bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOct 25, 2011Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOct 26, 2011[quote]Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
[/quote]Hell of a choice.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOct 28, 2011Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. the rest cheat in Europe.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOct 28, 2011
My wife said she needed more space. I bought her a one-way ticket to the moon.
ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOct 29, 2011
My wife wanted more space, so I locked her outside.
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