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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 25, 2012Every time I thought I found Miss Right my wife scared her away.ReactReply
- JA
jaybirdsJun 25, 2012What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowJun 25, 2012[img src="http://xkcd.nl/vi/funny-pictures-pop-eye-the-sailor-cat.jpg">
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 26, 2012Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?"
Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 26, 2012After months of arguments, I told my wife I had been secretly seeing a psychiatrist.
"Don't worry about it," she said. "I've been secretly seeing a bartender and the pool boy."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 26, 2012My ex was standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror and said,
'I feel horrible’. ‘I look fat, ugly and out of shape'. 'Pay me a compliment.'
I guess I shouldn’t have said, "There is nothing wrong with your eyesight.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowJun 26, 2012A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 26, 2012Compromise is when one person wants to rob a bank and the other person does not,
and they compromise to rob a person outside of the bank.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 26, 2012Real men don’t ask for directions. Ever.
It pisses off women, which is the real reason they do it.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 27, 2012There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowJun 27, 2012
I'm running out of jokes, strange, because we have many of them joining this site.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 27, 2012God must love them, he sure made a lot of them.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowJun 27, 2012ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,Nice one.ReactReply
- JAjaybirdsJun 27, 2012
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 27, 2012I have a photographic memory. I just don't remember where I left the film.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowJun 27, 2012
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 28, 2012The best way to maintain a successful relationship is to have integrity and wisdom.
The integrity to always keep your word.
And the wisdom to never give your word.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowJun 28, 2012A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 29, 2012Every so often, I like to go outside, look up, and smile for Google Earth.ReactReply
- JAjaybirdsJun 29, 2012
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 30, 2012There is one good thing about old age--it doesn't last that long.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 30, 2012Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Kathryn found an old shotgun.
Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her parents.
"Take it to the police station," her mother suggested.
My friend was about to hang up when her mom added, "And Kathryn"?
"Yes, mom"?
"Call them first and let them know you're coming."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowJul 1, 2012Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJul 1, 2012[quote]Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.[/quote]How did you know?ReactReply