As we get older, Senior jokes seem to hit closer to home. Does anyone else find it humorous that we, as Seniors. have funny moments? If so, please share with us!
I will start with:
Four 'Senior' women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walks a young chick with a low cut blouse that revealed a rose bud tattoo above one boob. One lady leaned over to another and said, "She doesn't know it yet, but in 50 years she'll be wearing a long stemmed rose in a hanging basket.
Replies
- DE
DesertRatJan 25, 2011Growing up your mother always told you to wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident. As you grow older you should always bring an extra pair of clean underwear in case you have an accident.
ReactReply - NUnutshowFeb 2, 2011Grandpa took his 14 yr old grandson fishing. They got out in the boat and Grandpa opened the cooler and got a cold beer." THe grandson ask," Can I have a beer grandpa?" Grandpa ask him," Does your peter reach around to your butthole?" THe boy said no and Grandpa said,"Then you cant have a beer, you aren't big enough!" THen Grandpa li a cigar and the boy ask," Can I ahve a cigar Grandpa?" Again Grandpa ask him," Does your peter reach around to your butthole?" The boy said no and grandpa said, Tehn you aint big enopugh for a Cigar either!" The boy got in his backpack and got a pack of Oreo Cookies and began to eatone. Grandpa ask,' Can I have an Oreo?" The boy ask him," Does your peter go around and reach your butthole?' THe old man smiled and said," Why yes it does!" TYhe boy looked at him and said," Then stick up your butt and get your own damne dcookies!"ReactReply
- MEMemberOriginal PosterMay 11, 2011[color=#000080] [/color][color=#000080] [/color][color=#000080] [/color]thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally."Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: ."You mean I was here already?" Senior moments have their advantagesReactReply
- MEMemberOriginal PosterMay 11, 2011[quote][quote]Three old men sitting on a park bench.............. 1st Old Man - Windy today isn't it ? 2nd Old Man - No, it's Thursday 3rd Old Man - So am I, Let's go for a beer ![/quote] You stole my joke! Actually I just saw that on a card at the store. The last line said something like: It's good to have friends that really understand you! Too Funny![/quote] How about the one that said I am thirsty 2nd one said I'm Friday 3rd one said " Come back over her Saturday and we will have a Sundae!" Blaagghhhhh!ReactReply
- MEMemberOriginal PosterMay 11, 2011[quote]A 22 year old gold digger marries a 90 year old millionaire, figuring she's set for life. They have their honeymoon in Vegas, do the town, gamble, drink, see the shows. She figures he has to be getting tired, so she suggests that they go up to their room and get started with their wedding night. She puts on her flimsiest neglige, and lays back on the bed in her most seductive pose, while he goes into the bathroom. "This ought to be good," she thinks. "With an luck he'll have a heart attack as soon as he sees me." After a few more minutes, he totters out of the bathroom wearing only ear plugs, nose plugs, and a condom. She's somewhat taken aback, and says, "I can understand the condom, but what's with the other stuff?" "Well," he says, "If there's anything I can't stand, it's the sound of a screaming woman, and the smell of burning rubber."[/quote] Ouch! That is one bad Dude! Pretty good one there!ReactReply
- JA
jaybirdsMay 19, 2011Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Her friend said, "What's that?" The 1st lady replied, "A condom. This way, my cigarette doesn't get wet."
"Where did you get it?"
"You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day the friend hobbled herself into the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted a package of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, over 80 yrs. old) but he politely asked what brand she preferred. She replied, "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.ReactReply - MEMemberMay 19, 2011
There were three elderly gentleman sitting on a park bench at noon. The first one remarked that growing old was the pits. "I get up in the morning and its an hour before I can take a piss. The second one remarked that he had no real problem with that. At 07:00 he took a wizz without any problem. "But, I just can't get my bowels to work right. It takes forever to empty them. The Third man said "aw you two, at 07:00 hours I pee without any hesitation. At 08:00 my bowels work well with a very soft stool. My only problem is I can't get out of bed until after 9:00!
ReactReply - JAjaybirdsMay 23, 2011
BENEFITS OF GROWING OLDER
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake You?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4:00
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter where you are.
You sing along with elevator music.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
Your back goes out more than you do.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your joints are more accurate than the weather reports.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a managable sizeReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterMay 29, 2011
A 71 year old woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What on earth is the matter with you?!"the older doctor demanded."
"Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"ReactReply - T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyMay 30, 2011An elderly man in North Carolina owned a large farm that happened to have a large pond.
It was just the right size for swimming, so he fixed it up with a picnic table, a dock, and fruit trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to take a walk down to the pond and grabbed a five-gallon bucket
to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing.
As he approached the pond, he saw it was a group of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
Not wanting to startle the women he made them aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!
The old man smiled and said, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked.' as he held up five-gallon pail.
'I'm here to feed the alligator.'ReactReply - DEDesertRatJun 16, 2011
A man suffered a sudden serious heart attack, and had immediate lifesaving
open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a
Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going
to pay for his treatment.
She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied, in a weak voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied. "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you with the cost?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun became agitated, and said loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are
married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my Brother-in-law."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 17, 2011
My new health is simple. I get an apple a day.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJun 18, 2011
Yesterday I laughed so hard tears ran down my leg.
ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterJun 18, 2011
An 80 year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?"
"I'm an Italian and I am a golfer," says the old guy,"and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. Then, I have a glass of vino and all is well"
"I see," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?"
"Who said my Dad is dead?"
Amazed, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's still alive? How old is he?"
He's 100 years old," says the old Italian. "In fact, he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk. That's why he's still alive...he's Italian and he's a golfer, too."
"Well," says the doctor, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my grandpa's dead? He's still a-kick'n."
Stunned, the doctor gasps, "You mean you're 80 yearsold and your grandfather's still living! That's incredible! How old is he?"
"He's 121 years old."
The doctor is getting pretty frustrated by now. "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning, too?"
"No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."
Close to losing it, the doctor blurts out, "Getting married!! Why would a 121 year old guy want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 20, 2011
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
ReactReply - DEDesertRatJun 23, 2011
'OLD' IS
WHEN Your sweetie says, 'Let's go
upstairs and make love,' and you
answer, 'Pick one; I can't do
both!'
WHEN ... Your friends
compliment you on your new alligator shoes and
you're barefoot
WHEN A sexy babe catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage
door
WHEN Going braless pulls all the
wrinkles out of your face.
WHEN You don't care where your
spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
WHEN You are cautioned to slow down
by the doctor instead of by the police
WHEN 'Getting a little action' means
you don't need to take any fiber
today
WHEN 'Getting lucky' means you find
your car in the parking lot.
WHEN An 'all nighter' means not
getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
WHEN You are not sure these are
jokes?ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 23, 2011
I laughed so hard tears rolled down leg
ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 23, 2011
test
ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 23, 2011
test 2
ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 23, 2011
test 3
ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 23, 2011
test 4
ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 23, 2011
test 5
ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 23, 2011
test 6
ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 23, 2011
It worked.
ReactReply