As we get older, Senior jokes seem to hit closer to home. Does anyone else find it humorous that we, as Seniors. have funny moments? If so, please share with us!
I will start with:
Four 'Senior' women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walks a young chick with a low cut blouse that revealed a rose bud tattoo above one boob. One lady leaned over to another and said, "She doesn't know it yet, but in 50 years she'll be wearing a long stemmed rose in a hanging basket.
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- NUNudeInNewJerseyJun 24, 2011I woke up this morning and said to my wife, “Honey, I’m dead.” She responded “What's the matter with you, you aren't dead. You're talking to me." "No, I'm definitely dead"."You are not dead. Why do you think you're dead?" "Because nothing hurts”.ReactReply
- DE
DesertRatJun 26, 2011An elderly couple were attending church services. About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband. It says, " I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?" He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJul 2, 2011If all is not lost, where is it?ReactReply - NUNudeInNewJerseyJul 10, 2011
A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his.
“You grew up in a different world,” the student said. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel,
nuclear energy, and computers”.
Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the old dude said, “You’re right sonny. We didn’t have those things when we were young; so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation??ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterSep 5, 2011
We keep several Gr Kids...days and some nights! It is left up to us to teach them a lot about life! Today, I taught 2 of them about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.......!
ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterSep 25, 2011
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night . The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowSep 27, 2011[quote]An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night . The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."[/quote] I see you've met my wife then,ha,ha.ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterSep 27, 2011[quote][quote]An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night . The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."[/quote] I see you've met my wife then,ha,ha.[/quote] Your's too HuH???? Must be a S.O.P. type thing!ReactReply
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ChuckSep 27, 2011Yeah I've had a few myself!!
ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterOct 16, 2011
I realize that in these later years, my patience is not as well as it used to be! Some guy hit my fender the other day and I said unto him, “Be fruitful and multiplyâ€, but not exactly in those words!
ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterJan 6, 2012
I remember, many years ago how I hated it when I was about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror. Of course, I am less conceited now that I am an old fart...lol!
ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterJan 12, 2012
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought wrong too." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was a Fart........ .............. But I thought wrong, too!"
ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterJan 29, 2012Talk about a senior moment...
Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,†I stammered. I always call her “honey†in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.â€
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice, “Ken,†she barked, “I dropped you off!â€
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.â€
Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!â€ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterJan 30, 2012I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterJan 30, 2012The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around,
You're not going anywhere.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 25, 2012#107
The only problem with getting old is, having to spend more time with the wife.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowJul 27, 2012A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyJul 27, 2012There is one good thing about old age--it doesn't last that long.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowJul 28, 2012When you first discover old age, it's time to stop sleeping with your mother.ReactReply