Open marriage — Couple's Room on True Nudists

danglinOriginal Poster

Aug 13, 2012

Hey, folks

I'm going to try posting this topic again. The last time someone brought this up, they got blasted for five pages of comments for trying to make this into a dating site. THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF THIS POST!

I'm trying to bring up an honest discussion. I'm NOT looking to hook up, here. So, on to the discussion.

My wife and I are NOT swingers. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...). But, we do have an "open marriage" or, more precisely, we are "nonmonogamous." What this means is that we are free to date or sleep with other people with in the bounds of our marriage, and established rules. Our rules? Well, we don't really have any. Just the basic idea of "don't be an idiot" and "don't screw up our marriage." That's about it.

For the record, this was her idea.

What this has lead to is that, very occasionally, one or both of us will date other people. Maybe a couple of times a year. Sometimes this includes sex but mostly not. For awhile, we were fortunate enough to have another couple in our lives, and we could go out on double dates and sleep over. But that other couple has moved from town. Damn.

Anyway, with two kids, two careers and a start-up company, we don't really have time for anyone else in our lives. At least not full time. However, occasionally I'll have a chance to go do something that my wife doesn't enjoy (costume parties, country dancing, tantra workshops, etc.). Rather than not go (and possibly resent it) I can go with a friend without having to worry that something might develop about which I might have to feel guilty. Or, that my wife will be jealous.

This has been particularly worthwhile with my naked adventures. My wife doesn't mind me being naked, and will get naked herself. But, it's just not a priority for her like it is for me. Since we could sleep around if we wanted to, when I find someone who likes to hang out naked my wife isn't all stressed out that I might be cheating on her. I might me. But it's not cheating. And she's not stressed out about it. (Generally, of course, I'm not....but it can be fun to think and talk about at times.)

Does anyone else out there have a relationship that's anywhere like mine? Are such relationships becoming more common? Are people more open about them? I've seen a lot of press, lately, and even two t.v. shows about nonmonogamous couples. With the increase in press I figure that open marriages are becoming part of the zeitgest. Is there any reason to think that naturist couples are more likely, or less likely, to have such marriages?

Please, discuss.......

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SO
Soupie
Aug 22, 2012
I'm not sure that I understand the appeal in reaching "supernudist" status from the number of postings. You'd have to be really bored with your life to make that a priority.
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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Aug 22, 2012
What will I have for lunch today?
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MA
ManOfWicklow
Aug 22, 2012
Nim, I cannot remember the last time I read one of his repetitive repulsions. I don't even bother to check if he's posted anything, because I post from page one of the thread, and so would not know when he last stained the pages.
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MA
ManOfWicklow
Aug 23, 2012
[img src="http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/cey0020l.jpg">
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MA
ManOfWicklow
Aug 24, 2012

[img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-10905" title="Amazing Earth Creatures" alt="" src="http://www.funnyzone.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/wxp-32.jpeg" width=500 height=478>

Typical bedroom of rebellious troll
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ravensflyinnow
Aug 24, 2012
Right on Jackie!! Well said! I think I said about the same thing 11 pages ago.

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MA
ManOfWicklow
Aug 24, 2012
Rachel A. Sussman,
Author, The Breakup Bible

Do Open Marriages Work?

In some relationships, a husband or wife may ask their partner if they would consent to an open marriage. More often than not, requesting an open marriage means that the inquiring partner is interested in having an affair or continuing on with an affair. They are torn between the excitement of an affair and the comfort and security of their marriage, which they don't want to give up. Also, they may wish to cover their bases; if the affair doesn't pan out (and most don't), they want their spouse to be available to continue forward with the marriage. In other words, they want to have their cake and eat it too.

When the "faithful" spouse is presented with this situation -- once they've picked themselves up off the floor and put the revolver back in its case -- they will generally not agree to the proposal. In a few cases that I've seen, the faithful will temporarily allow the arrangement merely as a tactic to "win" back the estranged partner. This generally backfires, which either causes the broken marriage to end, or it makes reunification (if it's on the table) even more challenging than it would be if the couple was on the mend from say a "regular" affair.

I have worked with couples who endeavor to have an open marriage either from the inception, or later on in their relationship. I entertain no judgment when such couples seek counseling. When there is agreement in place, to each his own. I try to help these couples communicate with each other as to why they are interested in this sort of arrangement, and, equally as important, to guide them to set up "rules." Once the conversations get going I often find that many of these couples really don't want to go this route, but they are having a hard time communicating their sexual or emotional needs to each other. And when those needs are in place, the desire to seek sex from another is often alleviated.

Other couples have sought my guidanceafterattempting to have an open relationship. By the time they get into my office, all hell has usually broken lose. Several years ago I worked with a couple who agreed to an open relationship shortly after they began dating. Alan*, with two divorces behind him, had explained to Selina* that he was not monogamous by nature, and that he would only go forward with marriage if she agreed that they could both have clandestine external sex lives. Although she readily agreed, it did not work out as intended. They began to regularly spy on and lie to each other. By the time they came to see me, rampant jealousy had poisoned their connection. No rules had been put into place, and with lax boundaries, they both had slept with others in their large circle of friends. In our sessions I inquired as to why Alan felt he couldn't be monogamous, and what eventually came to light was that he had an overwhelming need to have attention paid to him by a variety of women. This desire was rooted deep into his past, yet he didn't have much interest to explore its origins and make repairs. The relationship ended with both parties feeling completely betrayed.

So back to that illustrious initial question: do open marriages work? My answer is no, they generally don't. Open relationships are simply too tricky to navigate and one or both parties end up getting badly burned.

Discussions about sex and fidelity continue to be a hard topic for many couples to navigate. Yet it's one that cannot and should not be avoided. It would do the institution of marriage a world of good if couples were to take the time while dating to seriously contemplate these matters. If done correctly, it will serve as a model to talk about sex throughout the duration of a marriage. Couples who are able to converse fluently about difficult topics stand a fighting chance that when the going gets tough in a relationship -- and it always will -- words can solve problems. And from my perspective, a dialogue is always a healthier and better place to turn to than an affair.
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danglinOriginal Poster
Aug 24, 2012
Thanks, Jackie

For getting us back on track, here. You'll notice that I pretty much don't engage with the clique.

As for your comments, I certainly appreciate that you and your husband have vowed to remain faithful and monogamous. More importantly, I appreciate that you don't condemn others for making different choices. This is the type of discussion I was hoping to have when I started this thread.

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ManOfWicklow
Aug 24, 2012
[quote]Thanks, Jackie

For getting us back on track, here. You'll notice that I pretty much don't engage with the clique.

As for your comments, I certainly appreciate that you and your husband have vowed to remain faithful and monogamous. More importantly, I appreciate that you don't condemn others for making different choices. This is the type of discussion I was hoping to have when I started this thread.[/quote]People are not condemning your way of life, we just don't think it to be appropriate on here. I hope you manage to have a long and contented marriage, but we are not interested in your sexual adventures.
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CO
Curt, or Cowboy
Aug 24, 2012
Some of us ( OK, me ) might appreciate if someone could summarize the 260 posts or so, and post a concise list of which posts were actually on topic.

Could save some of us ( OK, me ) days of filtering this bull ourselves.
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MA
ManOfWicklow
Aug 24, 2012
[quote]Some of us ( OK, me ) might appreciate if someone could summarize the 260 posts or so, and post a concise list of which posts were actually on topic.

Could save some of us ( OK, me ) days of filtering this bull ourselves.[/quote]The impossible can be done, but it does take some time.
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CO
Curt, or Cowboy
Aug 24, 2012
[quote]The impossible can be done, but it does take some time.[/quote]Thank you.
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ME
Member
Aug 24, 2012
[quote]People are not condemning your way of life[/quote]I am.
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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Aug 24, 2012
I am not.
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DA
DanandJanette
Aug 24, 2012
[quote]It is totally pathetic that there appears to be a "clique" of members who take the greatest delight in denigrating other members that post in the forums......this particular "clique" take for whatever reason an enjoyment in placing the stick in the pot and stirring it vigorously.....they fail to to comment logically to a post, however they do indeed use a vast amount of energy and time in hurling abuse at others......I think it would be prudent to state quite firmly that when this little entourage decides to play their childish games that we should simply ignore their post's. No response = no smart "A" come backs.....I am sure they would eventually become somewhat bored with the lack of response and hopefully fade away into nothingness!

To respond to the original post......what works for one couple does not always work for others, my husband and I have always been of the belief that our marriage vows are sacred, and that includes remaining faithful to each other sexually morally and honestly...it is what we believe in, we know others decide for whatever reason to lead their married lives in a different way and that is THEIR choice, we, that is my husband and I may not condone it but nor shall we condemn it...it is after all their choice.

[/quote] Just to be clear Jackie, I don't care who is doing who, but I do object to this subject being posted on what is supposed to be strictly a nudist site. This is the second time the OP has brought this up, why would he have thought there would be a different reaction than the first time? I don't care what his sex life entails, but neither do I want to read about it in here. If he's been lurking here for any length of time, he knows full well about this site's counterpart, trueswingers, where he can chronicle their exploits in detail if he wants. He continues to post about his marital activities here either because of some psychological need for approval from strangers, or just to stir up the pot.
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ManOfWicklow
Aug 24, 2012
[quote]He continues to post about his marital activities here either because of some psychological need for approval from strangers, or just to stir up the pot.[/quote]To stir up the pot.
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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Aug 24, 2012
Whenever you or anyone answers the posts of the trolls,
you are continuing "To stir up the pot."
You are acknowledging their existence.

NudeInMa's solution is to place the
~ SHUN MODE RULE IN EFFECT ~
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MA
ManOfWicklow
Aug 25, 2012
[img src="http://dominicanewsonline.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/cartoon-sex.jpg">
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ManOfWicklow
Aug 25, 2012
[img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eKjJtxwCpy4/Ti91hTKLjUI/AAAAAAAAbfU/TV1vxS_-qrc/s400/adult-jokes.jpg">
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CD
Cheri Donna Dawson
Aug 25, 2012
[quote]It is totally pathetic that there appears to be a "clique" of members who take the greatest delight in denigrating other members that post in the forums......this particular "clique" take for whatever reason an enjoyment in placing the stick in the pot and stirring it vigorously.....they fail to to comment logically to a post, however they do indeed use a vast amount of energy and time in hurling abuse at others......I think it would be prudent to state quite firmly that when this little entourage decides to play their childish games that we should simply ignore their post's. No response = no smart "A" come backs.....I am sure they would eventually become somewhat bored with the lack of response and hopefully fade away into nothingness!

To respond to the original post......what works for one couple does not always work for others, my husband and I have always been of the belief that our marriage vows are sacred, and that includes remaining faithful to each other sexually morally and honestly...it is what we believe in, we know others decide for whatever reason to lead their married lives in a different way and that is THEIR choice, we, that is my husband and I may not condone it but nor shall we condemn it...it is after all their choice.

[/quote]Amen, Jackie.
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DA
danglinOriginal Poster
Sep 13, 2012
Thank you, SmoothScot

That was the kind of discussion I was trying to start.

The OP
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ME
Member
Nov 5, 2012
I'll admit I got half way through the trolls on page 1. Got annoyed and skipped here.
My ex (doesn't sound good) and I had an open relationship. We even tried poly a couple of times. It was fun, exciting etc. and even now we aren't together we are still happy to join up and invite a 3rd.We never wanted to swing (partner swap) but were happy and confident enough in ourselves and each other to feel secure that the other would come back. Our split had to do with changing wants in our lives. We are best friends and the openness played no part in the separation. And, an open relationship isn't creepy, dirty or wrong. It's just another aspect of a relationship choice not well accepted. We used to call it our sport. And nudism and sexual freedom aren't connected in my mind. As the OP I think also feels.

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SO
Soupie
Dec 1, 2012
Wow! That was quite a lot of nonsense. Why do you insist on imposing your personal beliefs on others?
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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Dec 1, 2012
I had an open marriage, but my wife didn't tell me about it.
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