Skip to content
T=
Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

Humor and Fun

Add a Joke in Sequential Order

Posted Jan 31, 2013

Replies452
T=
Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jan 31, 2013
Jokes in Sequential Order
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.

Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.

A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"

APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?

Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?

A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."



ReactReplySubscribe

Replies

  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 9, 2013
    There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called "ThePoliticians."
    "All you have to do" she told her class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around."
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A bus load ofpoliticianswere driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.
    The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."
    The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
    The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 9, 2013
    A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The oldfarmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.
    The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."
    The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
    The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Afarmerand his wife had just waken up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
    "Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.
    "Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that?"
    The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well."


    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 9, 2013
    A farmer and his wife had just waken up one morning to the crowing of theirrooster.
    While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
    "Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.
    "Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss.
    Why don't you ever do that?"
    The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well."
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A priest had a small flock of chickens, but the prizeroosterwent missing,
    and he didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next Sunday he queried:
    "Has anybody got a cock?"
    All the men stood up.
    "No, no, I mean has anybody seen a cock?"
    All the women stood up.
    "No, no, I mean has anybody seen my cock?"
    All the nuns stood up!


    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 9, 2013
    The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you thisfrogin my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Top 10 Reasons Why It's Great Being aFrog
    10. Babes are always kissing you because they think you'll turn into a prince.
    9. Flies in your soup are a bonus.
    8. You're above toads on the food chain.
    7. Green goes with absolutely everything!
    6. Pond Scum is a term of endearment.
    5. Most restaurants have a 'no croaking' section.
    4. Amphibians are at a minimum risk of appearing on Geraldo.
    3. You can scratch hard to reach places with your tongue.
    2. You can donate your body to science for big bucks!
    1. It sure beats being a newt.


    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 10, 2013
    Top 10 Reasons Why It's Great Being a Frog
    10. Babes are alwayskissingyou because they think you'll turn into a prince.
    9. Flies in your soup are a bonus.
    8. You're above toads on the food chain.
    7. Green goes with absolutely everything!
    6. Pond Scum is a term of endearment.
    5. Most restaurants have a 'no croaking' section.
    4. Amphibians are at a minimum risk of appearing on Geraldo.
    3. You can scratch hard to reach places with your tongue.
    2. You can donate your body to science for big bucks!
    1. It sure beats being a newt.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Thekissingbooth at the Charity Fair displayed a large sign:
    "Kisses - $5 to $50."
    One young man asked the girl in the booth if the price range
    was a matter of duration.
    "Nope!" she smiled. "Lip placement."


    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 12, 2013
    The kissing booth at the Charity Fair displayed a large sign:
    "Kisses - $5 to $50."
    Oneyoungman asked the girl in the booth if the price range
    was a matter of duration.
    "Nope!" she smiled. "Lip placement."
    ------------------------------------------------------
    Twoyoungguys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide.
    One says to the other, "I'm sorry - I was looking for my wife."
    "What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."
    "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"
    "She's tall, with long hair, long legs, firm boobs and a tight ass.
    What's your wife look like?"
    "Never mind, let's look for yours!"

    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 12, 2013
    Two young guys are moving about in asupermarketwhen their carts collide.
    One says to the other, "I'm sorry - I was looking for my wife."
    "What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."
    "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"
    "She's tall, with long hair, long legs, firm boobs and a tight ass.
    What's your wife look like?"
    "Never mind, let's look for yours!"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The man approached the very beautiful woman in the largesupermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

    "Why?"

    "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 12, 2013
    The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost mywifehere in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
    "Why?"
    "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"

    His newwifereplied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."

    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 12, 2013
    A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting,fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"

    His new wife replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goesfishingevery weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.
    "Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.
    "Well, maybe he is having an affair?"
    "No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 13, 2013
    Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.
    The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
    Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
    Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities...
    "Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but Ifart15 times a day!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A Belch is but a gust of wind
    That cometh from the Heart,
    But should it take a downward trend,
    It turneth into aFart


    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 13, 2013
    A Belch is but a gust ofwind
    That cometh from the Heart,
    But should it take a downward trend,
    It turneth into a Fart


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Wind, why is it there,
    Wind, how is it there,
    Wind, when did it get there,
    wind, where does it come from,
    wind, how is it made so many qustions
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 13, 2013
    Wind, why is it there,
    Wind, how is it there,
    Wind, when did it get there,
    wind, where does it come from,
    wind, how is it made so manyquestions.
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Mark.
    He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
    The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
    "Does anyone have anyquestionsfor me?"
    Then little Mark says, "Yes, I have a question for YOU.
    There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
    One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
    The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
    The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
    Which one is married?"
    The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
    Mark replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the Wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."


    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 14, 2013
    A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and youshootone of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Mark.
    He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
    The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
    "Does anyone have any questions for me?"
    Then little Mark says, "Yes, I have a question for YOU.
    There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
    One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
    The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
    The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
    Which one is married?"
    The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
    Mark replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the Wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    For those of us in the US, it's time to start planning our
    summer vacations.  Although you can'tshootthem any more,
    you can still get a thrill by photographing animals in the
    wild.  The last time I was in Africa though, I got a double
    hernia from carrying around the stupid rhino decoys

    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 14, 2013
    For those of us in the US, it's time to start planning our
    summer vacations.  Although you can't shoot them any more,
    you can still get a thrill by photographing animals in the
    wild.  The last time I was in Africa though, I got a double
    hernia from carrying around the stupidrhinodecoys.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Three men were arguing which animal was the meanest.
    The first said, "A lion was meanest with big claws and teeth it could tear a person up in a second."
    The second man said, "No, it has to be arhinowith that big horn and thick hide it could tear a house down in a minute."
    The third man said, "No, the meanest animal on earth is a crocagator."
    The other two said, "What the hell is a crocagator. "
    He said, "It has a crocadiles head and front legs on one end and an alligators head and front legs on the other end."
    They said, "That can't be right, how does shit?"
    He said, "It can't that's reason its so damn mean."


    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 14, 2013
    Three men were arguing which animal was the meanest.
    The first said, "A lion was meanest with big claws and teeth it could tear a person up in a second."
    The second man said, "No, it has to be a rhino with that big horn and thick hide it could tear ahousedown in a minute."
    The third man said, "No, the meanest animal on earth is a crocagator."
    The other two said, "What the hell is a crocagator. "
    He said, "It has a crocadiles head and front legs on one end and an alligators head and front legs on the other end."
    They said, "That can't be right, how does shit?"
    He said, "It can't that's reason its so damn mean."

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Q - Why do blondes buy electric lawn mowers ?    A -  So they can find their way back to thehouse.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 14, 2013
    Q - Why doblondesbuy electric lawn mowers ?    A -  So they can find their way back to the house.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".
    He says,"Sorry, we don't sell toblondes".
    The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.
    Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.
    She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".
    He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."


    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 14, 2013
    One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to thecashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".
    He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
    The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.
    Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.
    She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".
    He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A guy in a supermarket goes up to thecashierand places two cans of dog food on the counter.
    The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?
    "Yes, it's at home," replies the man.
    "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier.
    Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter.
    "Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier.
    "Yes I do, it's at home," says the man.
    "Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier.
    The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier. He has a brown paper bag in his hand.
    "Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here."
    The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag.
    "It is all soft and warm," she says.
    "Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 15, 2013
    A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter.
    The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?
    "Yes, it's at home," replies the man.
    "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier.
    Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter.
    "Do you own acatsir?" asks the cashier.
    "Yes I do, it's at home," says the man.
    "Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier.
    The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier. He has a brown paper bag in his hand.
    "Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here."
    The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag.
    "It is all soft and warm," she says.
    "Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    There was acatby the lake and a sausage came floating by the cat put its paw in and wet its paw.
    Then a few minutes later a bigger sausage came floating by and the cat fell in.
    The moral of this story the bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy.


    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 15, 2013
    There was a cat by the lake and asausagecame floating by the cat put its paw in and wet its paw.
    Then a few minutes later a bigger sausage came floating by and the cat fell in.
    The moral of this story the bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one largesausage.Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.Seamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan ,Cheers! 'They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.At the tenth pub Seamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 16, 2013
    Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.Seamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan ,Cheers! 'They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.At the tenth pub Seamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A man walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Have you got a sheep's head?" The butcher replies, "No, its just the way I brush my hair.
    "

    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 16, 2013
    A man walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Have you got a sheep's head?" The butcher replies, "No, its just the way Ibrushmy hair."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.
    They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity.
    The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
    Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.
    Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.
    And Harry won the sixth prize - a toiletbrush.
    When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
    "Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."
    "So do I," said Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"
    "Not so good," Harry said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper..."
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 16, 2013
    Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.
    They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity.
    The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
    Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.
    Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.
    And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.
    When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
    "Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."
    "So do I," said Dick. "And how's thetoiletbrush, Harry?"
    "Not so good," Harry said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper..."
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    One night, a wife is up late waiting for her husband to come home. ''Where have you been?'' she asks him when he walks in the door.
    ''Oh honey, you wouldn't believe it. I went to this new bar called the Golden Bar. It had gold ashtrays, gold stools, gold cups, and even a gold toilet,'' replies her husband, who is plainly drunk. The wife thinks once about it but then goes to bed.
    The next day she finds the Golden Bar's phone number and calls it up. ''Hello, is this the Golden Bar?'' she asks.
    ''Yes, this is, ma'am,'' replies the man on the other line.
    ''Yes, my husband told me about your bar and I was wondering if you would answer some questions. One, do you have golden ashtrays?''
    ''Yes.''
    ''Do you have golden stools?''
    ''Yes.''
    ''Do you have golden cups?''
    ''Yes.''
    ''Do you have a goldentoilet?''
    There is a pause on the phone, then a couple seconds later she hears the man speak. ''Hey Jimmy,'' he calls into the bar, ''I think we found out who shit in your tuba!


    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 16, 2013
    One night, a wife is up late waiting for her husband to come home. ''Where have you been?'' she asks him when he walks in the door.
    ''Ohhoney, you wouldn't believe it. I went to this new bar called the Golden Bar. It had gold ashtrays, gold stools, gold cups, and even a gold toilet,'' replies her husband, who is plainly drunk. The wife thinks once about it but then goes to bed.
    The next day she finds the Golden Bar's phone number and calls it up. ''Hello, is this the Golden Bar?'' she asks.
    ''Yes, this is, ma'am,'' replies the man on the other line.
    ''Yes, my husband told me about your bar and I was wondering if you would answer some questions. One, do you have golden ashtrays?''
    ''Yes.''
    ''Do you have golden stools?''
    ''Yes.''
    ''Do you have golden cups?''
    ''Yes.''
    ''Do you have a golden toilet?''
    There is a pause on the phone, then a couple seconds later she hears the man speak. ''Hey Jimmy,'' he calls into the bar, ''I think we found out who shit in your tuba!


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening.

    She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as:Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
    While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names'.

    The elderly lady slowly shook her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 5 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old asshole what his name is.'

    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Feb 16, 2013
    An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening.
    She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
    While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names'.
    The elderly lady slowly shook her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 5 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky oldassholewhat his name is.'
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking back to his foreman.
    "Is it true that you called him a liar?
    "Yes, I did."
    "Did you call him stupid?"
    "Yes."
    "And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniacasshole?"
    "No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"


    ReactReply