T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jan 31, 2013Jokes in Sequential Order
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.
Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.
A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"
APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?
Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.
Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.
A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"
APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?
Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."
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- MA
ManOfWicklowFeb 16, 2013A worker was called on thecarpetby his supervisor for talking back to his foreman.
"Is it true that you called him a liar?
"Yes, I did."
"Did you call him stupid?"
"Yes."
"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac asshole?"
"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"
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Acarpetlayer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He
stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his
cigarettes. In the middle the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack smokes," he said to
himself. He proceeded to take his hammer and flatten the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him
his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway."
"Now," she said, "if only I could find my sweet little hamster."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 18, 2013A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He
stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his
cigarettes. In the middle the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack smokes," he said to
himself. He proceeded to take his hammer and flatten the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him
his pack ofcigarettes."I found them in the hallway."
"Now," she said, "if only I could find my sweet little hamster."
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The bus driver announces that smoking is prohibited and punishable by a fine of several hundred dollars.
Suddenly, a baby starts crying.
"Come on kid," the bus driver said "you're only 6 months old, you can make it withoutcigarettes."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 18, 2013The busdriverannounces that smoking is prohibited and punishable by a fine of several hundred dollars.
Suddenly, a baby starts crying.
"Come on kid," the bus driver said "you're only 6 months old, you can make it without cigarettes."
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Once an engineer was driving in a ranch and killed a calf that was crossing the road. Thedriverwent to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
Oh, about $200 today, said the redneck. But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what Im out.
Engineer sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the redneck.
Here, he said, is the check for $900. Its postdated six years from now.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 18, 2013Once an engineer was driving in a ranch and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of thecalfand explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
Oh, about $200 today, said the redneck. But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what Im out.
Engineer sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the redneck.
Here, he said, is the check for $900. Its postdated six years from now.
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There was a young man who went to the doctor and said that he wanted to get married, but he was worried about the small size of his member. The doctor advised him to go and stay on a farm, dip his member in milk several times a day, and have it sucked by a calf.
Some months later when they met in the street, the doctor asked, "How is your marriage?"
The young man replied, "Oh, I didn't get married, Doc. I bought thecalfinstead."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 18, 2013There was a young man who went to thedoctorand said that he wanted to get married, but he was worried about the small size of his member. The doctor advised him to go and stay on a farm, dip his member in milk several times a day, and have it sucked by a calf.
Some months later when they met in the street, the doctor asked, "How is your marriage?"
The young man replied, "Oh, I didn't get married, Doc. I bought the calf instead.
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A woman was wondering why she hadnt had sex in 5 months.
So her friend told her to go and see a chinese sexdoctor
When she got there he told here to take off all her clothes and crawl to the other end of the room and back.
As she was crawling back towards the doctor, he said "Oh yes... I see the problem now
"What is it", replied the woman.
"Your face look like your ass" said the doctor.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 19, 2013A woman was wondering why she hadn't had sex in 5 months.
So her friend told her to go and see a Chinese sex doctor
When she got there he told here to take off all her clothes and crawl to the other end of the room and back.
As she was crawling back towards the doctor, he said "Oh yes... I see the problem now."
"What is it", replied the woman.
"Your face look like yourass" said the doctor.
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An old man and a little boy on a donkey were on their way into town. They passed by a group of people who said, "What a shame for that old man to be walking while that perfectly able-bodied boy rides that donkey." So the boy got off the donkey and the old man got on. They later passed by some more people who said," Why should that little boy have to walk when they have a donkey to ride on. So the little boy got on the donkey and they both rode it. After a while, they passed some more people. They overheard the people say, "That poor donkey must be wore out from carrying both of them." So the little boy and old man picked up the donkey and started to carry it. They were carrying the donkey across a bridge. The weight of the donkey became just too unbearable and slipped from their grasp and went over the side of the bridge into the water and drowned. The moral of the story is: If You Try To Please Everyone You'll Eventually Lose YourASS!ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 19, 2013An old man and a little boy on adonkeywere on their way into town. They passed by a group of people who said, "What a shame for that old man to be walking while that perfectly able-bodied boy rides that donkey." So the boy got off the donkey and the old man got on. They later passed by some more people who said," Why should that little boy have to walk when they have a donkey to ride on. So the little boy got on the donkey and they both rode it. After a while, they passed some more people. They overheard the people say, "That poor donkey must be wore out from carrying both of them." So the little boy and old man picked up the donkey and started to carry it. They were carrying the donkey across a bridge. The weight of the donkey became just too unbearable and slipped from their grasp and went over the side of the bridge into the water and drowned. The moral of the story is: If You Try To Please Everyone You'll Eventually Lose Your ASS!
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A pastor entered hisdonkeyin a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local newspaper read: PASTORS ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local newspaper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTORS ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back them donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is. Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.. Youll be a lot happier and live longerReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 19, 2013Apastorentered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local newspaper read: PASTORS ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local newspaper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTORS ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is. Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.. You'll be a lot happier and live longer.
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A thriving baseball club is one of the features of a boy's organization connected with a prominent church. The team was recently challenged by a rival club.
Thepastorgave a special contribution of one hundred dollars to the captain, with the direction that the money should be used to buy bats, balls, gloves, or anything else that might help to win the game.
On the day of the game, the pastor was somewhat surprised to observe nothing new in the club's paraphernalia. He called the captain to him. "I don't see any new bats, or balls, or gloves," he said. "We haven't anything like that," the captain admitted. "But I gave you one hundred dollars to buy them," the pastor exclaimed.
"Well, you see," came the explanation, "you told us to spend it for bats, or balls, or gloves, or anything that we thought might help to win the game, so we gave it to the umpire."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 20, 2013Once upon a time there were these two confused cons walking down therailroadtracks, and the first con, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion,''Did you shit your pants?''
''Hell no,'' He said.
They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. ''Did you shit your pants?''
''I swear to the God almighty I did not shit my pants,'' he said.
So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. The first con runs over and pulls down his buddies pants and says, ''I thought you said you didn't shit your pants?!''
''I didn't.'' he said. ''They're your pants.''
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Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the localrailroadand is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
[quote][/quote]ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 20, 2013Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get myUncleLeo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
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A young man from the city went to visit his farmeruncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things -
chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was
running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"
This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 20, 2013A young man from the city went to visit hisfarmeruncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things -
chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was
running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"
This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?
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Thisfarmerhad a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "no. Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied, Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they asked, That mule for sale?'ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 20, 2013This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At thefuneral,the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "no." Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied, "Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked." When the men came up, they asked, "That mule for sale?'
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A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at hisfuneral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 21, 2013One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," She replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University ofOklahoma."
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A man was driving throughOklahomawhen he was pulled over by one of the local officers.
He man asked, "What did you stop me for?"
The officer replied, "You failed to stop at the stop sign."
The man answered, "I slowed down, didn't I?"
"Yes," the officer admitted.
"Well, slow down, stop, same thing." the man rebutted.
At that point the officer pulled his night stick out and started hitting the man over the head. "Now, tell me, do you want me to stop or slow down"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 21, 2013A man was driving through Oklahoma when he was pulled over by one of the local officers.
He man asked, "What did you stop me for?"
Theofficerreplied, "You failed to stop at the stop sign."
The man answered, "I slowed down, didn't I?"
"Yes," the officer admitted.
"Well, slow down, stop, same thing." the man rebutted.
At that point the officer pulled his night stick out and started hitting the man over the head.
"Now, tell me, do you want me to stop or slow down"
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1stOfficer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer: "Who?"
1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!"
2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 21, 20131st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer: "Who?"
1st Officer: "JanetJackson!"
2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."
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First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney GeneralJanetReno were having
one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky
that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to
put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean
I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."
Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass
at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest,
fart I can." And believe me, that takes the wind out of his sails, so
to speak!
Hillary was impressed and thank the General for her sage advice and
hurried home.
Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when
Hillary headed for bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew
that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts
all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and
forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says, "Is that you Janet?."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 23, 2013Two men saw a sign outside of a gas station: "Fill up to enter our contest & win free sex!"
They filled up their tank and went inside to pay.
"How do we enter?" asked the first man.
"Well, I'm thinking of a number between one and 10," said the attendant. "If you guess right, you win free sex."
"OK, I guess seven, " said the first man.
"Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again."
The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the second man asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.
"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between one and 10. If you guess right, you win free sex."
"Two" said the second man
"Sorry, I was thinking of three," replied theattendant. "Come back soon and try again."
As they walked back to the car, the first man said to the second man "I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."
"No way," said the second man. "My wife won twice last week."
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Man goes to hotel bar knowing flight crews stay there. His goal is to pick up on Flight Attendants. So he doesn't sound like a dork asking if each pretty girl is a Flight Attendant he decides to do it this way. He walks up to a pretty girl and recites a famous airline slogan and if the girl recognizes it he knows he has found himself a Flight Attendant. So he approaches the first pretty girl and says "We love to fly and it shows." When he was met with a blank stare he moved on. To girl number two he says " The only way to fly". She too looks equally confused so he tries a third time. To girl number three he says "Work Hard - Fly right". the girl looked him straight in the eye and said "Hey dumbshit, what in the hell do you want and why are you acting so stupid?" Ahhh, he thinks to himself, I have found myself an American Airlines FlightAttendant.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 23, 2013Man goes tohotelbar knowing flight crews stay there. His goal is to pick up on Flight Attendants. So he doesn't sound like a dork asking if each pretty girl is a Flight Attendant he decides to do it this way. He walks up to a pretty girl and recites a famous airline slogan and if the girl recognizes it he knows he has found himself a Flight Attendant. So he approaches the first pretty girl and says "We love to fly and it shows." When he was met with a blank stare he moved on. To girl number two he says " The only way to fly". She too looks equally confused so he tries a third time. To girl number three he says "Work Hard - Fly right". the girl looked him straight in the eye and said "Hey dumbshit, what in the hell do you want and why are you acting so stupid?" Ahhh, he thinks to himself, I have found myself an American Airlines Flight Attendant
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A couple just moved into hotel. And thehotelclerk asks the
man after helping him with his luggage.
Anything else?
NO, thanks,
Maybe, your wife needs something?
Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell postcards?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 23, 2013Acouplejust moved into hotel. And the hotel clerk asks the
man after helping him with his luggage.
Anything else?
NO, thanks,
Maybe, your wife needs something?
Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell postcards?
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Acoupledrove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowFeb 23, 2013A couple drove down acountryroad for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Bushcountry!" "Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterFeb 23, 2013A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must beBushcountry!" "Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"
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When a reporter askedBushwhat he thought about his first hundred days in office he replied "Has it been a year already?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMar 7, 2013
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old.
They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop" Arnold asked?
"Not very likely", his wife said." It's worth a try", Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.
With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are"!
"No kidding?"Arnoldcalled back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time".
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday", he said calmly.
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ArnoldSchwarzenegger said sex isn't as good as it used to be. Guess it really is hard to find good help these days.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMar 7, 2013Arnold Schwarzenegger saidsexisn't as good as it used to be. Guess it really is hard to find good help these days.
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Fred and Ethel had been married for 20 years, but Ethel had finally gotten sick and tired of one of Fred's strange habits.
Every time they hadsex, Fred insisted on shutting off the lights. After 20 years Ethel felt this was ridiculous, and figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw Fred was using a battery-operated pleasure device -- a vibrator!
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him. "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
"I'll explain the toy," Fred says, looking her straight in the eyes, "if you explain the kids."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMar 11, 2013A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relativesof yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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A husband said to his wife, No, I don't hate yourrelatives.
In fact, I like YOUR mother-in-law better than I like mine!ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMar 11, 2013A husband said to his wife, No, I don't hate yourrelatives.
In fact, I like YOURmother-in-lawbetter than I like mine!
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The clock fell off the wall. If it was a minute sooner, it would have hit mymother-in-law. That clock was always slow!ReactReply