T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
ReactReplySubscribe
Replies
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 31, 2012Did you know that if you put your ear up against a stranger's ear,
you can hear them say, "What the hell are you doing?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 1, 2012One morning my ex said, "Today is our wedding fifth anniversary what do you think we ought to do?"
I knew I was in trouble when I heard myself say, "Have a moment of silence?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 3, 2012Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to loseReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 3, 2012I love procrastinators; they always help their friends, eventually.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 4, 2012Every time I walked into a singles bar I could hear my Mother's wise words -
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been".ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowSep 4, 2012I thought of visiting the local gay bar, but my wife might not like me following her.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 4, 2012The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked:
Single____Married____ Divorced____.
I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out a form,
I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead,
he had written, "Yes, in that order."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 5, 2012I guess Claudia Schiffer must be a genius... I heard my ex telling her friends that I had "Schiffer Brains."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 6, 2012I promised my ex that I would never turn my back on her; actually I didn't trust her that much.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 7, 2012Some mornings when I wake up I feel like a 20-year-old. But there's never one around.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 8, 2012About three years into our relationship I started to have erection difficulties.
My ex and I had different ideas as to what the problem was.
She bought me some Viagra; I bought her a treadmill.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowSep 9, 2012[quote]About three years into our relationship I started to have erection difficulties.
My ex and I had different ideas as to what the problem was.
She bought me some Viagra; I bought her a treadmill.[/quote]Should have bought her some running shoes, would have been cheaper.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 9, 2012She bought her own running shoes and ran away with my favorite bartender.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 9, 2012Something I learned the hard way!
'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowSep 10, 2012The only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it.ReactReply
- EV
EvansBetterHalfSep 10, 2012[quote]Something I learned the hard way!
'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'
[/quote]
Alright, I'm stealing this......ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 10, 2012My ex said she left me because I was too childish, but I think she was just being a poopyhead.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 12, 2012Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was a suspect.ReactReply
- OP
openrangeSep 12, 2012theres more then one way to nuke a kitty cat
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 12, 2012If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 13, 2012My ex yelled at me, "Did you tell my sister I was a bitch?"
I answered, "No! I don't know how she found out."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 14, 2012I was going to go to Coronado for a weekend. I called and made reservations at a seaside hotel. When I asked for directions I was told "It's only a stone's throw from the beach." When I asked, "But how will I recognize it?" Back came the reply, "It's the one with all the broken windows."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 14, 2012When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterSep 16, 2012In order to spice up our love life I suggested my ex and I be allowed to have a quickie affair.
She said, "Forget it, I've tried that - it didn't work."ReactReply