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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 16, 2012Confucius Say:
When Einstein stared at his cousin's boobs, he discovered
'Theory of Relative Titty'.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 17, 2012Daily exercise, proper diet and you will be in good health,
which is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 18, 2012Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity, gas and oil,
as well as current market conditions and the continued decline of the U.S. economy,
The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowAug 18, 2012Mine has never been switched on.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 19, 2012My ex was weird, One year; I bought her a cemetery plot on her birthday.
The next year, I didnt buy her a birthday gift. When she asked why,
I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
Wrong again.....ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowAug 19, 2012
A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a million dollars." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 19, 2012Does killing time damage eternity?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 21, 2012Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 21, 2012My ex was really upset when she caught me writing her name and other crib notes on my hand just before we went to bed.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowAug 21, 2012[quote]Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
[/quote]Because it's too much to all come out from the other end, in one go.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 21, 2012I just discovered if you play an AOL 9.0 CD backwards you can hear all kinds of evil and satanic messages!"
BUT BE CAREFUL:
If you play it forwards, it installs AOL.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 22, 2012For a while I dated a dyslexic Satanist? Until she sold her soul to Santa.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowAug 22, 2012[quote]For a while I dated a dyslexic Satanist? Until she sold her soul to Santa.[/quote]That's understandable, they do both wear red.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 23, 2012I knew a guy who became a veterinarian and taxidermist.
His slogan was, "Either way, you get your dog back."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowAug 23, 2012[quote]I knew a guy who became a veterinarian and taxidermist.
His slogan was, "Either way, you get your dog back."[/quote]There are not many men who stuff their wives, when they have passed away.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 23, 2012[quote][quote]I knew a guy who became a veterinarian and taxidermist.
His slogan was, "Either way, you get your dog back."[/quote]There are not many men who stuff their wives, when they have passed away.[/quote]Isn't that called Necrophilia?ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowAug 23, 2012[quote][quote][quote]I knew a guy who became a veterinarian and taxidermist.
His slogan was, "Either way, you get your dog back."[/quote]There are not many men who stuff their wives, when they have passed away.[/quote]Isn't that called Necrophilia?[/quote]If you live in Philadelphia, it's called NecroDelphilia.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 24, 2012My ex and I agreed to never go to sleep angry.
One time I lasted five days before I passed out. She won again.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 25, 2012One time I felt like I needed to go to an assertiveness training class.
First I checked with my wife. She said I was fine.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 26, 2012According to a new survey about sex, 51 percent of people said they would
consider having sex for money if the amount offered was large enough.
The average woman said the amount would have to be at least $35,000.
The average man, on the other hand, said,
"How much change do you have on you?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 28, 2012One barmaid I dated insisted she was a feminist...I thought that was so cute!ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 28, 2012One morning my attorney phoned me and asked,
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 29, 2012A friend of mine asked for my secret of picking up barmaids.
"Its very easy, when I enter, I toss the keys of a Rolls Royce on the bar and they just flock to me."
"When I take them home I tell them my Rolls Royce is the shop and the old Chevy is a loaner."
A couple of nights later my friend entered and tossed the keys to a Rolls Royce on the bar.
After a couple of hours he asked me why the barmaid was still ignoring him.
I replied, "If you don't take off your bicycle helmet it won't work."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 30, 2012I recently learned when dating an older woman; to never ask "What did you want to be?"ReactReply