T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
ReactReplySubscribe
Replies
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 4, 2012The first debate is over. The hot air has passed. Cooler weather is here. Coincidence?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 6, 2012My ex and I were going on vacation; she refused to fly on Virgin.
She said, "I don't want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 9, 2012If there was a 'Bi-Sexual Pride' parade, would it go both ways?ReactReply
- MA
ManOfWicklowOct 9, 2012
[img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wTKEFIKSrvg/Sw0Fb-43j9I/AAAAAAAAO0Q/nTNSjnbQL4M/s400/love.jpg">ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 10, 2012My ex was telling me about a study that found women gain weight after they get married, but men gain weight after a divorce. I started to say something, but she stopped me and said, "One word and we will see if the second half of the study is correct."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 11, 2012I knew I had a problem when the morning after our wedding night I overheard my wife talking to her sister on the phone. She whispered, "I'm glad I didn't throw my vibrator away."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 13, 2012Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 13, 2012My ex told me when she says "No" she really means "Yes" but not with me.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 13, 2012The Space Shuttle Endeavour has traveled more than 123 million miles at speeds of more than 17,000 miles per hour. Gets hung up in L. A. traffic.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 18, 2012My ex never understood "even stevens", she overcooked the roast and I had sex with our neighbor; I figured we were even.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 19, 2012I recently added a new word to my vocabulary,
"Exhaustipated"
Just too tired to "give a shit".ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 20, 2012Sometimes I liked to pretend I lived in London.
But my ex would freak out when I started driving on the left side.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowOct 20, 2012In the car the other day, and my wife said, "You're going the wrong way, that's a no-entry" so I replied, "You didn't say that last night"ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 21, 2012My ex said picking my nose was disgusting, - now I have to pick it myself.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 21, 2012Men, when in an argument with a woman:
Ask yourself, Are you right? If No. Apologize. -
If Yes. - No, your not. Apologize.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 22, 2012My ex never lied about her age. She just told people she was five years younger than me.
Then she lied about my age.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 22, 2012One evening I took my ex aside and explained that I was leaving her because of illness. The truth is, I was just sick of her.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 22, 2012A new study found that vegetarian cavemen died earlier than cavemen who ate meat.
Not from starvation - they were just murdered after they kept talking about why they became vegetarians.
~ Jimmy FallonReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 23, 2012One evening I visited an ex, she complained that the goldfish I had bought her had epilepsy.
I watched it for a few minutes; I told her it looked fine to me. She said, "Well yeah, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 24, 2012An ex was weird; she was angry about something, again, and refused
to have sex with me for weeks and then wanted to kill any woman who would.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 24, 2012A .JPG is worth a thousand .TXTSReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 25, 2012I do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience - unless Im still up.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowOct 25, 2012[quote]I do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience - unless Im still up.
[/quote]I have never had the pleasure of Dawn, is she nice ?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterOct 25, 2012"I woke up this morning to the smell of coffee, bacon on the
grill, pancakes being made. I looked around. Dammit! I passed out in Denny's again!"ReactReply