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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 16, 2012I bought a self-help tape called, "How to Handle Disappointment."
It turned out to be a blank tape.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 16, 2012Hostess says that if they keep shipping inventory at the current level, they will run out of product around December 21, 2012..... So, THAT'S what the Mayans were talking about.
~ Robert "Bob" RockenbachReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 18, 2012The mayor and his wife were riding in the local town parade when the mayor spotted the ex boyfriend of his wife. A local gas station owner.
He leaned in and said to his wife, "see if you had married him you would be working in a gas station."
His wife answered back, "No, if I had married him he would be the mayor..."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 20, 2012I just realized that in dog years I'm already dead.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 22, 2012My ex and I agreed to have an open relationship. I could sleep with anyone I wanted.
She just wouldn't speak to me or sleep with me anymore.ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowNov 22, 2012I was making love to the local barmaid last night. My wife was annoyed, because she said the noise was keeping her awake.ReactReply - WO
womannudistaNov 22, 2012[quote][quote]I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.
[/quote][img src="http://randomshortjokes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/chicken-crossing-the-road-pun.jpg">[/quote]jajajaja! very good joke!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 24, 2012When my ex told me when she dies I could have her farm including the villa, the tractor, the farmhouse & all the livestock. I was really surprised. When I asked, "Where is it?"
She replied, "On Facebook."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 25, 2012I was reporting a near Hit-and-Run to the responding officer.
I told him the driver was my mother-in-law.
He asked if I had actually seen her,
I said, "No, but I recognized the laugh."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterNov 28, 2012I’ve always lived the same as I type: Fast and with lots of misteekes.ReactReply
- WOwomannudistaNov 29, 2012[quote]When my ex told me when she dies I could have her farm including the villa, the tractor, the farmhouse & all the livestock. I was really surprised. When I asked, "Where is it?"
She replied, "On Facebook."
[/quote]jajajajajajajjaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 1, 2012I was having trouble sleeping. My doctor said I should drink a glass of warm milk before going to bed and never take my troubles to bed with me. But my wife refused to sleep alone.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowDec 1, 2012My wife said " Dodn't come home drunk " So I didn't go home.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 1, 2012"Jesus Loves You" might be a good thing to hear......
unless you are in a Mexican prison.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 2, 2012When I told my ex, "Business has been great this year, what would you like for Christmas?" She replied, "I would really like a divorce." I told her I wasn't really planning on spending that much.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 3, 2012My ex would cook dinner occasionally, I guess I shouldn't have irritated her by saying grace for 45 minutes.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 5, 2012My ex was really pissed when I dumped her; she keyed the bus I took to work.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 6, 2012I’ve just about decided I need a wife...I just haven't decided whose yet.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 7, 2012I was asked recently what I did during the Sexual Revolution; I hated to admit it, but I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 7, 2012I was having a fling with a woman from Finland. At least I thought she was from Finland, but when we were making love and she kept saying, "I'm not finnish, I'm not finnish."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 8, 2012Dawn IS great. But, have you tried Eve?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 8, 2012My ex had a bumper sticker that read, “Honk if you love peace and quietâ€ReactReply
- WOwomannudistaDec 9, 2012[quote]I’ve just about decided I need a wife...I just haven't decided whose yet.
[/quote]made me laugh a lot this joke
me ha hecho reir muchisimo este chisteReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 9, 2012I chose the path less traveled, but only because I was lost.ReactReply