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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

Humor and Fun

Random thoughts and jokes

Posted Jun 6, 2012

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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012
One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"

She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."

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Replies

  • BO
    Bob
    Bob
    Dec 9, 2012
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 10, 2012
    One evening while I was cooking I asked my ex where she kept all the spices.
    She said, "In the salt shaker.    "

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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 10, 2012
    [quote]One evening while I was cooking I asked my ex where she kept all the spices.
    She said, "In the salt shaker.[/quote]You never said she was a blonde.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 10, 2012
    My ex's appearance took all by surprise,
    For her hair had succumbed to some dyes.
    Her lush tresses, once red,
    Were now turquoise instead.
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 14, 2012
    My ex was unhappy whenever I went to the supermarket to pick up something.
    Not just single mom’s but, nannies, aunts and a couple of very doable grandmas.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 14, 2012
    The un-armed anti-gun nut, should not piss off the well-armed gun nut.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 15, 2012
    Have you heard about the uncircumcised troll? His name was Rumpled Foreskin
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 15, 2012
    I rode the subway in New York City one night.
    I was brushed up against, I was fondled and grouped.
    I went back the next three nights.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 15, 2012
    Damn! I forgot to go to the gym today...that makes five years in a row.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 16, 2012
    Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow only a vision, but today was a real bitch.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 16, 2012
    ATTENTION: If you really believe the world will end on 12-21-12 send me your bank account number and pin.
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 18, 2012
    How come I cannot buy an incandescent light bulb, but, I can buy an assault rifle?
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 20, 2012
    No news is............................ impossible.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 22, 2012
    The worst part of my marriage was the first ten years, then she left.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 22, 2012
    I woke up late the other morning, and the wife said  "Quick, get dressed and leave the house right now"     "What's the hurry"  I asked.   "My husband will be home in a few minute" she replied.
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 22, 2012
    My ex came home one day all upset. She said she had seen several young, beautiful women at the market and just knew I would bed them if I had the chance.
    Then she screamed, "How much more of this do you think I can take?    "

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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 23, 2012
    I took my ex to her first football game.
    Afterwards I asked her what she thought of it.
    She explained, "I saw the two guys flip a quarter.
    Then the rest of the game, all they said was:
    "Get the quarterback!"  "Get the quarterback!"  Hello! It's only 25 cents!"
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 23, 2012
    I gave up my hope of being a star halfback the second day of practice. One tackle grabbed my left leg, another grabbed my right leg, and the linebacker looked at me and said, "Make a wish!"
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 24, 2012
    My ex called me at work one afternoon. She said, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
    I explained I was very busy, so I asked for the good news. She said, “Well, the air bags work.”
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 24, 2012
    When inviting your girlfriend to stay the night, it is best to make sure the wife is out.
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 24, 2012
    WARNING: Christmas parties mean the amateur drinkers are out and about.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 24, 2012
    My ex texted me at work one very cold winter afternoon. "Window frozen!."  I texted back, "Pour warm water over it."
    A few minutes later she texted back: "Now the key board is stuck too."
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 24, 2012


    Q.  What is the definition of divorce?
    A.  The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 24, 2012
    City of Los Angeles Anonymous Gun Buyback is in full force! Thousands of guns are being turned in by law abiding citizens.
    WAIT: Why aren't criminals turning in their guns?
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