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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

Humor and Fun

Random thoughts and jokes

Posted Jun 6, 2012

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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012
One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"

She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."

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Replies

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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Oct 26, 2012
    Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Oct 26, 2012
    [quote]"I woke up this morning to the smell of coffee, bacon on the
    grill, pancakes being made. I looked around. Dammit! I passed out in Denny's again!"
    [/quote][img src="http://fastfood.ocregister.com/files/2010/09/Out-of-Business-sign2.jpg">
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Oct 30, 2012
    Don't Mitt on America.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Oct 31, 2012
    She finally said "yes", then asked, "What do you want me to do?"
    I replied, "I just don't want you to change your mind."
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 1, 2012
    A new study says:
    Your diet can kill you or wish it had.
    There is one food that causes grief and suffering for years after eating it.
    It's called "Wedding Cake".
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 1, 2012
    The bartender asked why I looked worried. I replied. "Some ticked-off husband wrote to me, and said he would kill me if I didn't stop messing around with his wife, but the inconsiderate bastard didn't sign his name!"
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 2, 2012
    I once heard my ex on the phone talking to her mother,
    she asked for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes.
    "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?"
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 3, 2012
    My ex complained, "The only time you think about a candlelight dinner- is if there is a power failure."
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 4, 2012
    An extra hour for night people. Day people will waste it sleeping.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 5, 2012
    A few years ago, as a solar eclipse approached all the newscasters were warning people not to look directly into the sun.
    My ex said that if an eclipse was so dangerous, they never should have decided to hold one and ought to cancel it.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 6, 2012
    One night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard me ex say, "What would you like for dinner, love?  Chicken, beef or lamb?"
    I said, "A big juicy steak would be great."  She yelled back, "I was talking to the cat."
    "You're getting mac and cheese.    "
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 8, 2012
    My ex came home unexpectedly one day and caught me in bed with a beautiful lady midget.
    She screamed, "You promised you would never cheat on me again."
    I explained, "Hey, Im taperin' off here."

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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Nov 9, 2012
    My girlfriend said  " I feel like a used woman"  so I gave her my wife.
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 11, 2012
    Forty-six percent of women surveyed answered
    "Yes," when asked if they ever faked an orgasm.
    Actually they said, "Yes, yes!  Oh God, yes!"
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Nov 11, 2012
    I asked my friend if he had any photos of his wife, naked.  He said no, so I said "would like to buy some"
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 11, 2012
    How much?
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Nov 11, 2012

    [img src="http://www.mrtees.com/images/will-sell-wife-for-beer-main-logo.gif">

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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 11, 2012
    Don't need a wife. Had one didn't like it.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Nov 11, 2012

    [img src="http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/08/54/quotes,divorce,marriage-08543555444828374a70970a445400d6_h.jpg">

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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 12, 2012
    My ex kept hinting she wanted something with diamonds in it for her birthday, so I bought her a deck of cards.
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 13, 2012
    When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
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  • WO
    womannudista
    womannudista
    Nov 13, 2012
    A man was sunbathing in the buff at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

    A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

    He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself".



    Un hombre estaba tomando el sol en la Pula en la playa. Por el bien de civilidad y de conseguir quemada por el sol, tenía un sombrero sobre sus partes privadas.Una mujer camina pasado y dice, trabaja, "Si fueras un caballero levantaría su sombrero".Levantó una ceja y respondió: "Si usted no fuera tan fea se elevaría".
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Nov 14, 2012
    I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Nov 14, 2012
    [quote]I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.




    [/quote][img src="http://randomshortjokes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/chicken-crossing-the-road-pun.jpg">
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