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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- KO
KohaanApr 13, 2016Re- Humor, sarcasm and criticism... it's not what you actually say, that counts... it's what the other personthinksyou said, that gets you in trouble. :-)
There's an old saying that goes: The meaning of what you said... is the reaction you get.
- - - If you don't get the reaction you expected, then you probably didn't really communicate what you thought you did.
BTW, that works both ways, so don't get angry ... or happy, with someone, until you know what theyreally meantto say. ;-)ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 14, 2016An old joke - My wife and I were having a nice quite dinner. I meant to say, "Please pass the salt."
Instead I slipped up and said, "You ruined my life you miserable bitch."ReactReply - KOKohaanApr 14, 2016
Hmmm, just a slip of the tongue... so to speak... Or do they call
that a Freudian slip? ... That might even qualify as a Paraprosdokian, or maybe not :-)ReactReply - KOKohaanApr 15, 2016U.S. IRS Form 1040... the simple explanation: For every $50 you earn, you get to keep $10... they get to keep $40. If you haven't filedyourtax return for tax year 2015, yet... you better hurry!ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 15, 2016Men drive too fast, we were told,
because the car is an extension of the penis.
But if it were, men would surely not drive too fast;
they would just drive in and out of the garage over and over.
Or maybe just polish it all the time.ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowApr 15, 2016How many times is it appropriate to say "What ?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said ?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 17, 2016A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 20, 2016So Vegans can eat MEAT; because it is actually naturally processed fruit, vegetables, nuts and grains.Veeery Interesting.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 2, 2016May 1, 2016 - May 7, 2016 International Clitoris Awareness Week
(First full week of May annually)ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 2, 2016Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?ReactReply
- KOKohaanMay 7, 2016What's a Grecian urn? ... Not much, the country is bankrupt. :-(
And speaking of earning... If I had a nickle for every time I've made a mistake ... I could get rich off of my mistakes. :-) ... Hey, is that a paraprosdokian?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 8, 2016May 7, 2016 World Naked Gardening Day is an annual international event celebrated on the first Saturday of MayReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 8, 2016A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 12, 2016Theme songs from the bible:
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 13, 2016Theme songs from the bible:
Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Joshua: "Good Vibrations"
Jeremiah: "Take This Job and Shove It"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 27, 2016A man parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on.
A police constable stops him and asks, Why did you park your bicycle here?
Don't you know it is a VIP road and all parliamentarians and senators pass from here?
Man replied, "Don't you worry about it, I locked my bicycle!"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 29, 2016My ex and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
"Well," she replied, "the one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 4, 2016Dan came home from work one evening and there was
his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.
"What's the matter, darling?" he asked her.
"I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were
eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the
dog has just eaten it."
"Don't worry," said Dan, "I'll get us another dog.ReactReply - KOKohaanJun 4, 2016[quote]Theme songs from the bible:
Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Joshua: "Good Vibrations"
Jeremiah: "Take This Job and Shove It"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"
[/quote] ... and then there is/was
--Jonah:"Runaway"
--Moses, and company, after Egypt: "The Wanderer"
--Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego:"Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight"
--Lot, after leaving the communities of Sodom and Gomorrah:same as above;-)
--Joseph:"All I Have to Do is Dream"
-- Goliath:"Don't Bring Me Down!" xD
--Satan,the devil:"Another One Bites the Dust";-)ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 6, 2016A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer.
He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said,
"When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help,
they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section:
"And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."ReactReply - MA
macnudeJun 6, 2016Standing around naked doesn't make you a nudist ......any more than standing in the garage make you a car.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 24, 2016An elephant is walking through the jungle when he comes across a naked man standing in a clearing.
The elephant slowly looks the man up and down and says, "How the hell do ya feed yourself with that?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 27, 2016Do you know the difference between a biker and a golfer? A golfer only needs one ball.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJul 4, 2016A California cosmetic surgery practice is opening a new office where
breast augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient basis in about 30 minutes.
... They are going to call the practice "Jiffy Boob."ReactReply