Random thoughts and jokes

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jul 6, 2016

  Q.  A high priced lawyer, a low priced lawyer and Santa Claus are at a table with $1000 in the center.
  The lights go out. When the lights come back on the $1000 is missing. Who took it?A. The high priced lawyer. The other 2 are imaginary characters.
  

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  Kohaan

  Jul 10, 2016

  If there is such a word asnudity... then why is therenosuch word asnakedity?:-)
  ++++++
  IsLnLjust a little short of laughing ... kinda like asmirkor laughing with your mouth closed?
  If so, then LPL must be laughing with your tongue out.  ;-)
  
  

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  Kohaan

  Jul 10, 2016

  Assuming a man has sex on his mind, just because he has an erection is kinda like assuming someone is gonna rob a bank, just because he has a mask on and a gun in his hand...;-)...  wait a minute...   Ok, maybe hedoeshave sex on his mind.  ... nevertheless...demandingthatallerections be covered or hidden, sounds a little like thetextile argument... >> thewhole bodyshould be covered,allthe time... and ...onlya pervert would want to be naked in a public place.   :-/    ...
  So ... Judge not... just challenge him to keep it up for 4 hours or more... then he will have leave anyway, to find a doctor;-)
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Jul 11, 2016

  A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers,
  went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track,
  to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
  When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided
  that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
  The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when
  one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
  Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants,
  and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct
  the flow away from their clothes.
  As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.
  Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "
  You must be in the fourth grade.""No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race today."
  
  
  

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  Kohaan

  Jul 21, 2016

  "A Man's Greatest Fear" ... is that nobody will notice his erection ;-)   ... I couldn't bring myself to resurrect that old forum post, but I still thought it was a funny comment.   :-)
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Aug 2, 2016

  The economy is terrible.
  At the beginning of the year, the politicians promised things would improve by the last quarter...
  Well, I'm down to my last quarter and they haven't improved!
  
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Aug 8, 2016

  I was on one of those reality shows where I had to live in this
  big house with people I'd never met, and we were on camera all
  the time... Wait a minute -- that was prison. No wonder I didn't
  get any good stuff when I got booted out.
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Aug 12, 2016

  For me, the most important thing in a relationship is trust.
  Because if you're with a woman you can't 100% trust, how do you know she won't tell your wife?
  

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  macnude

  Aug 17, 2016

  I find it strange that an actor can earn millions of dollars per year by appearing nude in a Hollywood film but if someone is caught, nude, on a surveillance tape they could be branded a sex offender for life. I guess the logic is that it's ok to appear nude if you are being paid but not if you do it for free.
  
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Aug 17, 2016

  [quote]I find it strange that an actor in can earn millions of dollars per year by appearing nude in a Hollywood film but if someone is caught, nude, on a surveillance tape they could be branded a sex offender for life. I guess the logic is that it's ok to appear nude if you are being paid but not if you do it for free.
  [/quote]Intent!
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Aug 25, 2016

  [quote]
  What if women had apostrophes instead of periods ?
  They'd be even more possessive and prone to contractions .[/quote]Brilliant
  (LIKE)
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Aug 25, 2016

  While watching TV have you noticed how many male and female actors are left handed? You will now!
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Sep 5, 2016

  Whenever I see the commercial with the woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with cucumber slices on her eyes, I wonder where the rest of it is!
  

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  macnude

  Sep 6, 2016

  Whenever I see the commercial with the woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with cucumber slices on her eyes, I wonder where the rest of it is!
  That's terrible. LOL
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Sep 6, 2016

  [quote]Whenever I see the commercial with the woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with cucumber slices on her eyes, I wonder where the rest of it is!
  That's terrible. LOL
  [/quote]Not as terrible as asking the shop assistant if the cucumber comes with batteries included in the price.
  

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  Kohaan

  Sep 7, 2016

  Once upon a time... there were7 dirty wordsyou couldn't say on TV ... then, somebody went and changed the meaning of the word DIRTY...;-p

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Sep 12, 2016

  Last night I held a lovely hand,
  A hand so small and neat,
  I thought my heart would burst with joy,
  So wildly did it beat.
  No other hand unto my heart
  Could greater pleasure bring
  Than the dear one I held last night--
  Four aces and a king.
  

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  Kohaan

  Sep 27, 2016

  LoL --- Katy Perry is campaigning for someone... Naked :-) ... Is she a nudist, or just showing off?

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  ManOfWicklow

  Oct 7, 2016

  [quote]"Why beer is better than wine: human feet are conspicuously absent from beer making."[/quote]Haha,,, and people wonder why many wines smell like sweaty feet.
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Oct 8, 2016

  Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time?
  I don’t point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Oct 8, 2016

  If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
  
  

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  Kohaan

  Nov 3, 2016

  The movie *Back to the Future II* predicted  the  Chicago Cubs would win the World Series in 2016... Was that a coincidence... ordid they know something?... Maybe they reallyDID havea time travel device;-)
  

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  FullSun

  Nov 3, 2016

  Actually Back to the Future II was placed in 2015 not 2016.  Close though!

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  Kohaan

  Nov 3, 2016

  [quote]...Actually Back to the Future II was placed in 2015...[/quote]
  OK, after reviewing the story I saw, again... they didn't specify the year, so maybe itwasintended to be for 2015... but that was still close and theydidpredict other inventions accurately ... from1989. :-)      ... The only reference I found on the *Inside Edition* website was from Oct. 2015 ... on the date identified in the movie... But I remember seeing the comment on their tv show just about a week ago.  Maybe it was just a replay of the original story, slightly edited. ...update:Yes...  it was under the heading of the number 108 coincidence.
  
  
  
  
  

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