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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 16, 2016
There are some people who should use a glue stick instead of Chapstick.
ReactReply - KO
KohaanDec 16, 2016[quote]Q: What's the definition of oral sex? ...[/quote] Just talking about it... not actually doing it ;-)ReactReply - KOKohaanDec 16, 2016It snowed about 3 inches of flurries, 2 days ago. The temps outside, tonight, are about 0 degrees F --as in Zip, Zero, Nada-- My car doors are frozen shut.:-/... I'm still naked, but I'm wearing a scarf, tonight, to keep me warm:-)ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 17, 2016
Q. What's the Australian kiss?
A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 18, 2016
They say that milk is good for your teeth...so is minding your own business!
ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowDec 19, 2016A redhead tells her blonde friend, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 19, 2016
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 21, 2016
Why do people say these are pictures of me when I was younger? All pictures of you are when you were younger.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 23, 2016There are two rules for ultimate success in life. # 1 Never tell everything you know.:ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowDec 23, 2016How far back in history do you have to go before it's considered Archaeology instead of grave robbing?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 24, 2016A woman who was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on the many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids. She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year: overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, making sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card. Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed, she couldn't take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot." From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, "Don't worry, we already crucified Him." For the rest of the trip down the elevator it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 24, 2016
Every book has a final chapter, some are sad, but that is not a reason to stop reading.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 26, 2016You know it's love when all you want is the person you love to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 28, 2016Jack was nimble, but Jack was quick. So Jill preferred the candlestick!ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterDec 30, 2016What happens if you are on the witness stand and are asked if you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you say no?ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 7, 2017I am 89 years old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!! I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...where's the beef...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop......why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails, yet light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton... Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors... i still don't understand why there is Braille on drive up ATM's or why "abbreviated" is such a long word; or why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going... why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what is Victoria's secret? ....and what would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart...and Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways? do you really think I am this witty?? ... I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's, baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man...Now it is your turn to take it from me...Peace!!ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowJan 7, 2017[quote]I am 89 years old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!! I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...where's the beef...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop......why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails, yet light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton... Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors... i still don't understand why there is Braille on drive up ATM's or why "abbreviated" is such a long word; or why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going... why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what is Victoria's secret? ....and what would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart...and Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways? do you really think I am this witty?? ... I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's, baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man...Now it is your turn to take it from me...Peace!![/quote] Great post, Thomas, best on this thread.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 9, 2017Barack Obama has a black father and a white mother. He is considered Americas first black President. If Barack Obama was elected President of Kenya would he be considered Kenyas first white President?ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowJan 9, 2017[quote]Barack Obama has a black father and a white mother. He is considered Americas first black President. If Barack Obama was elected President of Kenya would he be considered Kenyas first white President?[/quote]That's a very interesting thought to ponder !ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 9, 2017Yes it is.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 11, 2017
Sometimes when I leave home for a while I leave a key under the doormat, not for my house.
ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 12, 2017Facebook, Twitter, Flicker, Skype, Telephone, Cell Phone, Email, Voice mail, Fax Machine, Instant Messages, PDA. So many great ways to ignore people.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 13, 2017When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave them wondering how the hell you did it.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJan 14, 2017They say that drinking beer will dehydrate you. I say, "Only if you stop.ReactReply