T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jan 31, 2013Jokes in Sequential Order
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.
Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.
A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"
APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?
Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.
Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.
A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"
APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?
Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."
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ManOfWicklowApr 18, 2013A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff. So first, the Scotsman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows. Then the Irishman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay. Finally the Englishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, crap!"
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A Scotsmanwent into a barber's shop and asked the cost of a haircut. "Six pounds," replied the hairdresser. "What about a shave?" asked the Scot. "Three pounds fifty pence," answered the hairdresser. The Scot retorted, "Shave my head."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 18, 2013A Scotsman wentinto a barber's shopand asked the cost of a haircut. "Six pounds," replied the hairdresser. "What about a shave?" asked the Scot. "Three pounds fifty pence," answered the hairdresser. The Scot retorted, "Shave my head."
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An Irishman and a boy go into a barber's shop.The man has a trim then says to the boy, "You get your hair cut while I go to the supermarket and do some shopping." The boy has his hair cut but the man does not return. "Looks like your dad has forgotten you're here." says the barber. "That wasn't my dad," replies the boy. "That guy grabbed me on the street, and said How would you like a free haircut and dragged me in here."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 20, 2013An Irishmanand a boy go into a barber's shop. The man has a trim then says to the boy, "You get your hair cut while I go to the supermarket and do some shopping." The boy has his hair cut but the man does not return. "Looks like your dad has forgotten you're here." says the barber. "That wasn't my dad," replies the boy. "That guy grabbed me on the street, and said How would you like a free haircut and dragged me in here."
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A Scotsman,an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.
The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whisky; it's given to him and he's locked away.
The Irishman asks for a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles of it.
The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.
One year later, the doors are all unlocked.
The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.
The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.
When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself.
To their surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 21, 2013A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.
The Scotsman asks for a year's supply ofwhisky; it's given to him and he's locked away.
The Irishman asks for a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles of it.
The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.
One year later, the doors are all unlocked.
The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.
The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.
When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself.
To their surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'
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A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says "You've been brought here for drinkingwhisky."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 21, 2013A drunk was in front of ajudge.
The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking whisky.
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
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Standing before thejudgeduring an alimony hearing, the man said,
"As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!
The judge calmly replied, "He isn't. I am. You do."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 21, 2013Standing before the judge during analimonyhearing, the man said,
"As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!
The judge calmly replied, "He isn't. I am. You do."
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Payingalimonyis like having your television on while you're asleep.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 22, 2013Paying alimony is like having yourtelevisionon while you're asleep.
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His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good manytelevisionadds, just to make conversation.
"Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?"
"A box of Tampax," he replied without hesitation.
"Tampax?" said the doctor. "What would you do with that?"
"Well," said Johnny, "I do not know exactly, but it's sure worth two dollars. With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 22, 2013Hispediatricianasked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many television adds, just to make conversation.
"Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?"
"A box of Tampax," he replied without hesitation.
"Tampax?" said the doctor. "What would you do with that?"
"Well," said Johnny, "I do not know exactly, but it's sure worth two dollars. With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to."
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Five doctors went to on a duck hunt: a GP, apediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon, and a pathologist. After a while a bird came winging overhead, the GP raised his shogun but didn't shoot because he wasn't sure if it was a duck or not. The pediatrician also raised his gun, but then he wasn't sure if it was a male or female duck, so he didn't shoot. The psychiatrist raised his gun and then thought, I know that's a duck, but does the duck know it's a duck?" The surgeon was the only one who shot. Boom!! He blew it away. Then he turned to the pathologist and said, "Go see if that was a duck."
[a href="http://www.jokebook.eu/joke/TILO8E/tampax-have-announced-today-that-they-will-replace-the">[/a]ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 22, 2013Five doctors went to on a duck hunt: a GP, a pediatrician,
a psychiatrist, asurgeon,and a pathologist. After a while a bird came winging overhead,
the GP raised his shogun but didn't shoot because he wasn't sure if it was a duck or not.
The pediatrician also raised his gun, but then he wasn't sure if it was a male or female duck, so he didn't shoot.
The psychiatrist raised his gun and then thought, I know that's a duck, but does the duck know it's a duck?"
The surgeon was the only one who shot. Boom!! He blew it away. Then he turned to the pathologist and said,
"Go see if that was a duck."
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Thesurgeontold his patient that woke up after having been operated on: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate on you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 22, 2013Thesurgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated on: "I'mafraidwe're going to have to operate on you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."
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A little boy wasafraidof the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 23, 2013A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full ofpenguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies: "I did ... today I'm taking them to the beach!"
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Twopenguinsare standing on an ice floe. The first penguin says, “You look like you’re wearing a tuxedo.†The second penguin says, “What makes you think I’m not?â€ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 23, 2013Two penguins are standing on an ice floe. The first penguin says, You look like youre wearing atuxedo. The second penguin says, What makes you think Im not?
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A little girl was watching her parents dress for a formal party. When she saw her dad donning histuxedo, she warned, Daddy, you shouldnt wear that suit.
And why not, Darling?
You know that it always gives you a headache next morning.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 23, 2013A little girl was watching her parents dress for a formal party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, Daddy, you shouldnt wear that suit.
And why not, Darling?
You know that it always gives you aheadachenext morning.
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A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into
bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have aheadache.
'Perfect,' her husband said.'
I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin.
You can take it orally,or as a suppository, it's up to you.'ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 24, 2013A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into
bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache.
'Perfect,' her husband said.'
I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin.
You can take it orally,or as asuppository, it's up to you.'
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Two elderly men were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Stanley noticed something funny about Joe's ear. He said, "Joe did you know you've got asuppositoryin your left ear?"
"I have? A suppository?" exclaimed Joe. He pulled it out and stared at it. Then he said, "Stanley, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 24, 2013Q: Why did the deafblondesit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read
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Q: How does ablondekill a fish?
A: By drowning itReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 25, 2013Q: How does a blonde kill afish?
A: By drowning it
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Q: What did the blind man say when he passed thefishmarket?
A: Good morning ladies.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 25, 2013Q: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
A: Good morningladies.
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Q. What has one hundred balls and screws oldladies?
A. BingoReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 25, 2013Q. What has one hundredballsand screws old ladies?
A. Bingo
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Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night, or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, Do I have a small penis or just giganticballs?ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 25, 2013Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night,
or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, Do I have a smallpenisor just gigantic balls?
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Q:What is the lightest thing in the world?
A:Apenis...even a thought can raise it.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 26, 2013Q:What is the lightest thing in theworld?
A:A penis...even a thought can raise it.
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Two aliens from anotherworldlanded in Las Vegas and were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. He came out looking rather shocked. "Whats the matter?" asked his friend. "Its a very popular place," replied the first alien. "Its full of creatures that keep throwing up little metal discs."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 26, 2013
Two aliens from another world landed inLas Vegasand were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. He came out looking rather shocked. "Whats the matter?" asked his friend. "Its a very popular place," replied the first alien.
"Its full of creatures that keep throwing up little metal discs."
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A guy went toLas Vegas,and won big, really big, in one of the casinos.
When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what money you have won.
After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decided to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite.
The guy went up to the room, opened the big double doors, and stepped into a three room suite.
The room is on a corner of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city. There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen T.V.
The guy dropped his bag of money in a chair and stood looking out the windows at the city.
He realized he was all alone and needed someone to share his good fortune.
He called the front desk and told the clerk to send up one of the best, high-priced call girls in the city.
Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the door.
The guy opened it to find the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen.
Long blond hair, short red dress, and spiked heels.
She walked into the room.
The guy went to the bar and fixed two drinks; he gave one to the hooker, and drank one himself.
"Now, down to business," he began, "how much for a hand job?"
The hooker said, "Honey, a hand job is $500.00"
"What, that's outrageous!" he said.
"Come over here," she said walking towards one of the windows, "see that strip mall over there," pointing out the window, "I own the last two stores on the end.
I was able to buy those stores with the money I saved from giving hand jobs.
I must be pretty damn good."
"All right, screw it, money is no object," our lonely friend replied.
A half hour after she's done, the guy is sitting on the couch revelling in ecstasy.
He gets up, goes to the bar and made two more drinks.
He gives one to the hooker and drinks one himself.
"That was the best hand job I have ever had. How much for a blow job?"
She replied, "Honey, a blow job is $5,000."
"What, that's outrageous!" he exclaimed.
"Come over here," she said walking towards another one of the windows, "see that hotel and casino over there on the corner," pointing out the window, "I own that, I was able to buy it with the money I saved from giving blow jobs. I must be pretty damn good."
"Oh, all right, screw it, money is no object," he said, giving her 5 grand.
An hour after she's done, the guy was laying on the couch, head rolled back, eyes rolled up inside his head, a little drool coming out of the corner of his mouth.
He got up, barely able to stand, staggered over to the bar, mixed two more drinks, gave one to the hooker, and drank one himself.
"My god, that was the best blow job I have ever had, I've gotta know, how much for some pussy?"
The hooker looked at him and replied, "Honey, if I had a pussy, I would OWN this whole city!"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 26, 2013A guy went toLas Vegas, and won big, really big, in one of the casinos.
When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose whatmoneyyou have won.
After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decided to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite.
The guy went up to the room, opened the big double doors, and stepped into a three room suite.
The room is on a corner of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city. There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen T.V.
The guy dropped his bag of money in a chair and stood looking out the windows at the city.
He realized he was all alone and needed someone to share his good fortune.
He called the front desk and told the clerk to send up one of the best, high-priced call girls in the city.
Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the door.
The guy opened it to find the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen.
Long blond hair, short red dress, and spiked heels.
She walked into the room.
The guy went to the bar and fixed two drinks; he gave one to the hooker, and drank one himself.
"Now, down to business," he began, "how much for a hand job?"
The hooker said, "Honey, a hand job is $500.00"
"What, that's outrageous!" he said.
"Come over here," she said walking towards one of the windows, "see that strip mall over there," pointing out the window, "I own the last two stores on the end.
I was able to buy those stores with the money I saved from giving hand jobs.
I must be pretty damn good."
"All right, screw it, money is no object," our lonely friend replied.
A half hour after she's done, the guy is sitting on the couch revelling in ecstasy.
He gets up, goes to the bar and made two more drinks.
He gives one to the hooker and drinks one himself.
"That was the best hand job I have ever had. How much for a blow job?"
She replied, "Honey, a blow job is $5,000."
"What, that's outrageous!" he exclaimed.
"Come over here," she said walking towards another one of the windows, "see that hotel and casino over there on the corner," pointing out the window, "I own that, I was able to buy it with the money I saved from giving blow jobs. I must be pretty damn good."
"Oh, all right, screw it, money is no object," he said, giving her 5 grand.
An hour after she's done, the guy was laying on the couch, head rolled back, eyes rolled up inside his head, a little drool coming out of the corner of his mouth.
He got up, barely able to stand, staggered over to the bar, mixed two more drinks, gave one to the hooker, and drank one himself.
"My god, that was the best blow job I have ever had, I've gotta know, how much for some pussy?"
The hooker looked at him and replied, "Honey, if I had a pussy, I would OWN this whole city!"
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There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enoughmoneyto pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 26, 2013There is the story of apreacherwho got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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What did the VegetablePreachersay to his church?
"Lettuce pray!"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 27, 2013What did the Vegetable Preacher say to hischurch?
"Lettuce pray!"
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A friend was in front of me coming out ofchurchone day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.ReactReply