T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jan 31, 2013Jokes in Sequential Order
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.
Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.
A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"
APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?
Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.
Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.
A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"
APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?
Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."
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- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 13, 2013Acouplejust got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left.
When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in fornt of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her ''Do you want a screw for that hinge?''
She looked back at him and said ''No, but I'll blow you for that toaster in the window.''
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A marriedcoupleis lying in bed one night.
The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep,
and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.
As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits.
He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some
encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, Why are you taking off your clothes? His wife replies,
You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay.
The husband says, No, not at all. His wife asks angrily, Well, what the hell were you doing then?
I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowMay 13, 2013A married couple is lying in bed one night.
Thewifeis curled up, ready to go to sleep,
and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.
As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits.
He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some
encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, Why are you taking off your clothes? His wife replies,
You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay.
The husband says, No, not at all. His wife asks angrily, Well, what the hell were you doing then?
I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.
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A man takes hiswifeto the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 13, 2013
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
Themanturns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."
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Superman is getting tired of being a superhero. So, he decides to go
out and have some fun. He flies to Gotham city and asks Batman if he
wants to go with him, get drunk, and get laid. Batman says no man, I
gotta protect Gotham city, you know. So superman flies to Spiderman and
asks him if he wants to go out, get drunk, and get laid. Spiderman
also refuses by saying he has to protect the city. So Superman goes
alone. He's flying along when he sees Wonder Woman spread eagle, right
in the middle of nowhere. He thinks to himself "I'm as fast as a
speeding bullet. I'll give her a quick pop and she won't notice" So
Superman flies down, fucks her and flies back up. Wonder Woman says
"What the fuck was that?" The invisiblemansays, "I don't know but my
ass is really killing me..."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 13, 2013Superman is getting tired of being a superhero. So, he decides to go
out and have some fun. He flies to Gotham city and asks Batman if he
wants to go with him, get drunk, and get laid. Batman says no man, I
gotta protect Gotham city, you know. So superman flies to Spiderman and
asks him if he wants to go out, get drunk, and get laid. Spiderman
also refuses by saying he has to protect the city. So Superman goes
alone. He's flying along when he sees WonderWomanspread eagle, right
in the middle of nowhere. He thinks to himself "I'm as fast as a
speeding bullet. I'll give her a quick pop and she won't notice" So
Superman flies down, fucks her and flies back up. Wonder Woman says
"What the fuck was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but my
ass is really killing me..."
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After marrying a youngwoman, a 90-year-old man told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he brought an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged at him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."
"Impossible!" the Old Man said "Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"Exactly," replied the doctor.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 14, 2013After marrying a young woman, a 90-year-old man told his doctor that they were expecting ababy.
"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he brought an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged at him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."
"Impossible!" the Old Man said "Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"Exactly," replied the doctor.
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A woman and ababycome into the doctor's office. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.
"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says: "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds: "Well of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 14, 2013A woman and a baby come into the doctor'soffice. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.
"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says: "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds: "Well of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!"
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Smith goes to see his supervisor in the frontoffice. Boss, he says, were doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.
Were short-handed, Smith the boss replies. I cant give you the day off.
Thanks, boss, says Smith I knew I could count on you!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 15, 2013Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. Boss, he says, were doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.
Were short-handed, Smith thebossreplies. I cant give you the day off.
Thanks, boss, says Smith I knew I could count on you!
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One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call himboss.''ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 16, 2013One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incomingtelephonecalls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
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After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, thetelephonebecame their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 17, 2013After mywifeand her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents!
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Two airmen from NY were at the golf course near Lackland Air Force Base and were waiting to tee off. They started talking about being back in Texas one said to the other only two things come from Texas. Football Players & Hookers. A full bird Colonel was standing right behind them and over heard what was said. He tapped the airmen on the back and said "Mywifeis from Texas". Without blinking an eye The Airman said... "And what position does she play!"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 17, 2013Two airmen from NY were at the golf course near Lackland Air Force Base and were waiting to tee off. They started talking about being back inTexasone said to the other only two things come from Texas. Football Players & Hookers. A full bird Colonel was standing right behind them and over heard what was said. He tapped the airmen on the back and said "My wife is from Texas". Without blinking an eye The Airman said... "And what position does she play!"
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Q: What is the definition of safe sex down inTexas?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 17, 2013Q: What is the definition of safe sex down inTexas?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
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Q: How do people inTexasvote?
A: Early and often!ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 17, 2013Q: How dopeopleinTexas vote?
A: Early and often!
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why somepeopleappear bright until you hear them speak.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 18, 2013
Light travels faster than sound. This is why somepeopleappear bright until you hear them speak.
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Unhealthy: what thinpeoplecall you when you are fat and fat people call you when you are thin.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 19, 2013"Fat" is not a common noun.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 19, 2013[quote]"Fat" is not a common noun.[/quote]I am not common.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 19, 2013[quote][quote]"Fat" is not a common noun.[/quote]I am not common.[/quote]That is correct, "I" is not a common noun. "I" is a pronoun.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 19, 2013Unhealthy: what thinpeoplecall you when you are fat and fat people call you when you are thin.
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A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expectpeople
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 19, 2013A man in a hot airballoonrealized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
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Three balloons. Daddyballoon, mummy balloon and baby balloon.
Daddy balloon said to baby balloon, "look son, you are much too old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in your own bed". Baby balloon protests, "I like sleeping with you and mummy". "No," said daddy "you are not sleeping with us and that's final". "OK" said baby balloon sadly.
Two in the morning baby balloon wakes up and decides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dad's knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummy's knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. He still can't get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.
The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said "son, I am really disappointed with you, I said you can't sleep with us. You've let me down, you've let mummy down, and you've let yourself down too".ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 19, 2013Three balloons. Daddy balloon, mummy balloon andbabyballoon.
Daddy balloon said to baby balloon, "look son, you are much too old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in your own bed". Baby balloon protests, "I like sleeping with you and mummy". "No," said daddy "you are not sleeping with us and that's final". "OK" said baby balloon sadly.
Two in the morning baby balloon wakes up and decides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dad's knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummy's knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. He still can't get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.
The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said "son, I am really disappointed with you, I said you can't sleep with us. You've let me down, you've let mummy down, and you've let yourself down too".
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Little Johnny's newbabybrother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 20, 2013Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven,Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
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A teacher asked littleJohnnyif he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My Father taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?â€
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?"
"A jack"ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 20, 2013Ateacherasked littleJohnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My Father taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?"
"A jack"
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Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection?
Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 20, 2013Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection?
Pupil:Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
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Teacher: Who discovered Pluto?
Pupil:Walt DisneyReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 20, 2013Teacher:Who discovered Pluto?
Pupil: Walt Disney
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Teacher:What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor..ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 22, 2013
What is the best time to wean thebabyfrom nursing?
When you see teeth marks
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Doctor, I'm two months pregnant now. When will mybabymove?
"With any luck, right after it finishes college."ReactReply