T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
ReactReplySubscribe
Replies
- MA
ManOfWicklowApr 7, 2013Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 7, 2013I told my ex I really wouldn't mind her having the last word, if only she’d get to it.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 7, 2013I've decided to call my bathroom the "Jim" instead of the "John" It sounds better when I tell people I go to the "Jim" every morning.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 8, 2013Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 8, 2013My ex complained that I never talked to her during sex; I told her I was afraid I would wake her up.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 9, 2013When I was a kid, we never locked our doors. Didn't have to. Didn't have anything worth stealing.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 9, 2013When I was a kid, we didn't lock our doors. We chopped them up to put on the fire.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 9, 2013When I was a kid, fire hadn't been invented.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 9, 2013When I was a kid we couldn't afford shoes, so we put black polish on our feet.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 9, 2013When I was a kid we couldn't afford shoes or black polish.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 9, 2013A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be eight again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 10, 2013I never weed the garden because I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 10, 2013I never weed the garden, I always use the toilet.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 10, 2013Q: What's the most common cause of hearing lossamong men?
A: His wife saying she wants to talk to him.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 10, 2013You mean some wives actually TALK to their husbands.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 10, 2013Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "I'll tell him.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 11, 2013I was at the supermarket when a beautiful young woman called my name and hurried towards me with a big smile.
As she reached me she said, "Hi, you went to school with my dad."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 12, 2013Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 12, 2013If diamonds are a girl’s best friend. And a dog is a man’s best friend. Which is the dumber sex?ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 12, 2013What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 12, 2013R.I.P. Jonathan Winters
November 11, 1925 - April 11, 2013
http://www.jonathanwinters.com/biography.htmlReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 13, 2013I don't mind the dust bunnies because they are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 13, 2013ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 14, 2013The advantage of exercising every day is thatyou die healthier.ReactReply