Skip to content
True Nudists
Sign up free
T=
Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

Humor and Fun

Random thoughts and jokes

Posted Jun 6, 2012

Replies1462
Sign inSign up free
T=
Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012
One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"

She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."

ReactReplySubscribe

Replies

  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 15, 2013
    I remember the night I met my ex while sitting in a bar looking around, I was thinking, "God, I hope it doesn't come to that."




    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 15, 2013
    Husband: Amazing world, only 25% of men have common sense, very short figure!
    Wife: What about Rest?
    Husband: Well rest are Married!
    ReactReply
  • NU
    nudecountry77
    Apr 15, 2013
    [quote]Something I learned the hard way!

    'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
    If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
    If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
    If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
    If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
    She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
    So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'
    [/quote] it is so true.  Just wish I could use right away, but sadly no woman in my life to say it too.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 15, 2013
    Lead me not into temptation I can find it myself.
    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 16, 2013
    Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 16, 2013
    Today was one of those days.
    When the one that got away is on your mind all day and every song reminds you of her.
    That is why my favorite episode of Castle is "A Rose for Everafter"
    The one with Alyssa Milano as Kyra, Rick’s lost love.
    Six lines told the whole story.

    Rick: “Do you remember the last time we danced?”
    Kyra: “Under the clock at Grand Central Station.”
    Rick: “You were on your way to JFK to catch a flight to London.”
    Kyra: “You were supposed to follow me.”
    Rick: “You said you needed space.”
    Kyra:” I didn’t mean forever. “
    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 16, 2013
    I dream of a better tomorrow...where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 16, 2013
    A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, an emerald bracelet, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
    "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.
    "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry." Let him try to explain where it is    .

    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 17, 2013
    Not long after I met my ex she said, "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."  I almost said, "Wow, you must have had a rough life."

    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 17, 2013
    My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 17, 2013
    Ex said she only had a couple of sandwiches for lunch, finally she admitted they were ice cream sandwiches.
    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 17, 2013
    I told my ex I wanted something nice and hot.  She gave me hell.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 17, 2013
    Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can't bear to see a man enjoying himself. Men like the lights on - so they can get the woman's name right.
    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 18, 2013
    Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 18, 2013
    Sometimes when you're hurt no one cares.
    When you're sad no one sees.
    When you cry they look away.
    But fart ..just one damned time and & everyone notices.............

    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 18, 2013

    Some days it's not worth chewing through the straps.

    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 18, 2013
    My ex bought a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She took it back to the dealer and said the car drove perfectly during the day, but at night, the car just wouldn't move at all.
    The dealer couldn't find anything wrong.
    She explained the car ran great when she had it "D" for daytime driving but it wouldn't move when she put it in "N" for nighttime driving..

    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 19, 2013
    [quote]My ex bought a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She took it back to the dealer and said the car drove perfectly during the day, but at night, the car just wouldn't move at all.
    The dealer couldn't find anything wrong.
    She explained the car ran great when she had it "D" for daytime driving but it wouldn't move when she put it in "N" for nighttime driving..[/quote]I wonder what she thought the 'P' was for ?
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 19, 2013
    10 Reasons for a woman go to work naked.

    1-Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
    2-Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
    3-"I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
    4-To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
    5-You want to see if it's like the dream.
    6-So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
    7-People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
    8-Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
    9-Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
    10-No one steals your chair.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 20, 2013
    My ex didn't NAG - She was just ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
    ReactReply
  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Apr 20, 2013
    Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 20, 2013
    I wouldn't say my ex was 'EASY' - She was just 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 22, 2013
    I don't iron because I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".
    ReactReply
  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Apr 23, 2013
    At one time I worked as an AD executive. I had a young beautiful female personal assistant. She would get upset when I called her “sweetie” or “hon”, especially in public. She complained, but I just ignored her whining. One evening we had a business meeting in an upscale restaurant. As we entered I asked, "Where would you like to sit, sweetheart?" and winked at the maitre d'.
    "Gee," she replied, "anywhere you say, Dad."
    ReactReply