T=
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 24, 2013The medic examined the corporal and announced,
"This soldier has taken corkscrews to the head, nail files to the chest,
dozens of shallow cuts, and tiny scissors to the kneecaps.
He's obviously had some sort of run-in with the Swiss Army!"ReactReply - MA
ManOfWicklowApr 24, 2013Got thrown out a strip club last night for using monopoly money. I don’t see why I should pay real money to see fake boobs.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 25, 2013I don't put things away because Ill never be able to find them again.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 25, 2013If the shelves are dusty and the pots don't shine,
it's because I have better things to do with my time.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 25, 2013Bees that have honey in the mouth have stings in their tailsReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 25, 2013ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 26, 2013Friends and good manners will carry you where money won't go.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 26, 2013“Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen.â€
~Rita DavenportReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 26, 2013A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart.
Jonathan Swift.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 26, 2013Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.
~Francoise SaganReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 27, 2013My ex and I were not talking, again! I left her a note saying, "Please wake me at 5 a.m.".
I woke up at 9 a.m. She was gone, but she had left a note. It read, "It is 5 a.m., wake up."ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 27, 2013My wife said I kept her awake with my snoring all night. I said that " that wasn't me, it was my girlfriend "ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 27, 2013A question for the ladies: 'If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 27, 2013The world's first one-liner - "Stand back Eve - I don't know how big this is gonna get."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 27, 2013Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowApr 27, 2013A poor man may not have a butler, but he can have as many maids as he wants.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 28, 2013The word "listen" contains the same letters as the word "silent".ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterApr 30, 2013Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach him to use the a computer and he won't bother you for weeks.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowApr 30, 2013The only reason your husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one !"ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 1, 2013He who laughs last didn't get the joke.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 1, 2013Sometimes we know we shouldn't and thats exactly why we do.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 1, 2013I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 2, 2013The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 2, 2013Once upon a time, one day long,
long ago, there lived a woman who
did not whine, nag or complain...
But this was a long time ago...
and it was just one day.ReactReply