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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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Replies
- MA
ManOfWicklowMay 26, 2013Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 26, 2013Palindromes date all the way back to Eve.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 26, 2013I was such an ugly kid… when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 27, 2013Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he'll fix it. There's no need to remind him every six months.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 27, 2013Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 27, 2013The best thing about the good old days is I wasn't good and I wasn't old.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 27, 2013My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate. I was so shocked I almost tripped over my penis.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 27, 2013The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods overseas.
I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 27, 2013I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 28, 2013Whenever I see Kaley Cuoco on commercials I like to pretend Penny got her big break.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 28, 2013My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 28, 2013I've been told I was addicted to the internet; at least the internet has 0 calories.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 28, 2013I took an IQ test and the results were negative.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 28, 2013Attention Ladies: Don't die a virgin, terrorists are up there waiting for you.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 29, 2013A girl was visiting her martian friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The martian responded by saying
that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Hellooooooooo......," answered the martian. "They're watch dogs"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 29, 2013I hate it when I hear Karma whisper "I saw that."ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 29, 2013I used to be indecisive. Now Im not sure.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 30, 2013I've gotten to the point in life where I won't go to bed with a woman unless she says, "All right, I'll go to bed with you"ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 30, 2013What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 30, 2013I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowMay 30, 2013I saw my wife looking in the mirror, she said "I like to look at my lovely young complexion and attractiveness, do you think that's vanity?" I said, "no, just your imagination!"ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterMay 31, 2013Though Memorial Day is upon us,
Winter clothing continues to don us.
So I plead and beseech:
Kindly stop talking “beach.â€
The media’s trying to con us.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowMay 31, 2013A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 4, 2013A newcomer to London arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining.
It also rains the day after that, and the day after that.
She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks,
"Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?"
The kid says, "How should I know? I'm only 6."ReactReply