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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

Humor and Fun

Random thoughts and jokes

Posted Jun 6, 2012

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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012
One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"

She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."

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Replies

  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 12, 2013
    I wish I lost weight as fast as I lose motivation.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 13, 2013
    Observation shows that lack of preservation for motivation can cause aggravation.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 13, 2013
    A math professor was administering the final exam to his students.
    He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
    Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
    The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
    The next class period, the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $62 change.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 14, 2013


    I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 14, 2013
    OMG - Someone is gonna have Snooki as their mom
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 20, 2013
    Relationships are a lot like algebra... Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 20, 2013
    [quote]Relationships are a lot like algebra... Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?[/quote]Yes, I C what U mean.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 20, 2013
    The word is before - B-E-F-O-R-E - not b4. We speak English not bingo.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 21, 2013


    What's the difference between a BMW and a Porcupine?

    Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 21, 2013
    If I were a superhero, I would be called "Apathy Man."  I'd have all the powers of Superman, but I just wouldn't care.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 21, 2013
    Ratman found Gnatgirl Bobbin along with the Choker.
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 21, 2013
    A guy was on trial for murder, facing the the electric chair. His brother found out that there was a very poor redneck on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
    The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
    After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's home, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
    The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter...they all had wanted to let him go.

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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 21, 2013
    Don't drink and drive,Just smoke and fly.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 22, 2013


    Q: What do you get when you line up 12 girls from Kentucky?

    A: A full set of teeth.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 22, 2013
    Q: What do you get when you line up 12 guys from England?

    A: A full set of teeth.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 22, 2013
    Q: How can you tell if someone in Kentucky is married?
    A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 25, 2013
    Ed: Do you lust after women?
    Ted: No, only before.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 28, 2013
    If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice ?
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 28, 2013
    I told my doctor I had fluid on my knee. He said, "You're not aiming straight
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 28, 2013
    I told my doctor I had pains in diferent places. He said  "stop going to those places"
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    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 28, 2013
    Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 28, 2013
    It's very annoying when parking and you get hit by a stationary vehicle.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 29, 2013
    One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above river, his axe fell into the river.
    When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
    The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the river, and he needed it to make his living.
    The Lord went down in the water and appeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
    The woodcutter replied, "No."
    The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.
    "No", the woodcutter replied.
    The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.
    "Yes", he replied.
    The Lord was so pleased with the man's honesty that He gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy. Later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
    When he cried out, the Lord appeared again and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
    "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez
    "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
    "Yes," cried the woodcutter.
    The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
    The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, you would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her to share me with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
    The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his lady!
    That's our story, and we're sticking to it..

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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 29, 2013
    A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month… the other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone.
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